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Old 10-18-2011, 08:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Can't do anything..I'm worthless

I'm so sick of myself. I hate having social anxiety and I hate struggling with this daily. I'm 27 now and I just hate myself and everything else.

I can manage to go to college and keep a job but just barely. I find interacting with coworkers incredibly hard. In class presentations I freak out, shake and start stuttering and can't control myself.

Just today I had to meet with my advisor to set up my plan of study for my masters degree, and as soon as i sat down in his office, I started freaking out. i try to control it so hard buti cant help it. i hate it so bad! I started trembling, and my head does this thing where it shakes and jerks around and I can't control that either. I couldn't make eye contact with him, had to keep my head down and looked at the floor or off to the side, didn't hear anything he said and i couldnt sit still. i also for some reason started laughing for no reason at all??

this happens to me all the time in social situations. people think i am a freak and they act like im insane and maybe i am.

ii want to be normal so bad. i tried to seek counseling on campus at the center (its free) but the counselor was so rude to me..she accussed me of being lazy and said i only wanted her to do the work for me and that i need to take responsibility for myself, she told me since i am a counseling major i should already know how to help myself, and she kept on harrassing about everything. i ended up in tears and just left her office.

i feel like im never going to get anywhere in life. i never get ahead at work bc people always overlook me. nothing special has ever happened to me. life just seems pointless. id rather be dead, andi think of suicide often.
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I feel your pain. I felt the same way a couple years ago. I'm a freak who's not gonna get anywhere in life cause he can't find any friends or talk to people . And I didn't even know SA existed back then, I just thought I was a complete freak of nature and that I needed mental help. But I got it, found out I had SA, found this site, and now I think I'm on the right track. Really I think most of it is about keeping a positive attitude and trying to improve. As long as you see little improvements in yourself, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And also, if you can afford it, therapy is really helpful. Just being able to talk to someone who knows what you're going through and can help is a huge relief.

Also, for if it ever gets really bad:http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...suicide-82301/

Hang in there, things can get better. I've seen it on here and I'm an example of it. I'm not where I want to be just yet but I'm getting better. Keep improving and keep believing in yourself
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Old 10-18-2011, 10:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I can't believe your counsellor talked to you like that. Very unprofessional!

The way you see yourself right now is an illusion. Your mind is playing tricks. Don't believe that negative voice in your head. There is a kinder, softer more helpful voice inside. Once you find that one..stay in touch with it every day. It's your ticket to freedom and future happiness!
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Old 10-21-2011, 12:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Well the bright side of it all is at least you have a job. I have no work history and have little to no hope of ever being hired by anyone
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Old 10-21-2011, 12:36 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Am I really all the things that are outside of me?
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