Can't communicate

[XxArmyofOnexX]

Not in person, not online it seems. In person anxiety kicks in, get too nervous, overthink, too passive, yadda yadda, online don't know what to say, I either don't say anything, or anything I say sounds reused from before... like the same thing over and over...

Then I feel out of place (sometimes even here, no less), and somehow 'broken'.

Anyone feel the same level of this?

[jellybelly]

Whoa your avatar is making my head hurt

I can relate on feeling 'broken' in many situations, yet sometimes i feel I can communicate, though that is only wtih the few people I am very close to. But even then, I feel a barrier between me and people.

I think you identified one of the main problems; overthinking. I analyse things so much, I usually stop myself from saying so much. But I've noticed that confident and outgoing people say a lot of stupid things (or maybe I'm being a bit judgemental?) but they seem to not let that stop them from communicating. But noticing that hasn't helped me. I wish I could learn spontaneous communication.

I don't have any words of wisdom but I can relate. Oh, and you are communicating perfectly well on here

[XxArmyofOnexX]

Originally Posted by jellybelly

Whoa your avatar is making my head hurt

I can relate on feeling 'broken' in many situations, yet sometimes i feel I can communicate, though that is only wtih the few people I am very close to. But even then, I feel a barrier between me and people.

I think you identified one of the main problems; overthinking. I analyse things so much, I usually stop myself from saying so much. But I've noticed that confident and outgoing people say a lot of stupid things (or maybe I'm being a bit judgemental?) but they seem to not let that stop them from communicating. But noticing that hasn't helped me. I wish I could learn spontaneous communication.

I don't have any words of wisdom but I can relate. Oh, and you are communicating perfectly well on here

Yeah I should probably change it back to a normal one, given enough people headaches for now.

I dunno people seem to project so much confidence and friendship, some threads are almost like Facebook to me now, depressing in the same way...

Thanks by the way. Helps a bit.

[jellybelly]

Originally Posted by XxArmyofOnexX

I dunno people seem to project so much confidence and friendship, some threads are almost like Facebook to me now, depressing in the same way...

Facebook depressed me SO much argh. And I kind of get what you mean about people projecting confidence and friendship, but maybe it's just perception? Maybe for many people with SA, feeling excluded is almost a default attitude/reaction to witnessing other people communicating?

Overanalysing is the most funnest thing to do on a Friday night lol.

[XxArmyofOnexX]

Originally Posted by jellybelly

Facebook depressed me SO much argh. And I kind of get what you mean about people projecting confidence and friendship, but maybe it's just perception? Maybe for many people with SA, feeling excluded is almost a default attitude/reaction to witnessing other people communicating?

Overanalysing is the most funnest thing to do on a Friday night lol.

Maybe so, it probably is, I suppose any form of it automatically causes the thinking of "they have a certain group like feel, and I feel worthless because I am not part of it, or perhaps any".

Overthinking everything is so much fun

Here come the "another weekend, another day spent at home" thoughts.

[XxArmyofOnexX]

No one else? Really?

[jellybelly]

Haha it's just us then. Maybe we're not so paranoid afterall

[mind_games]

Originally Posted by XxArmyofOnexX

Not in person, not online it seems. In person anxiety kicks in, get too nervous, overthink, too passive, yadda yadda, online don't know what to say, I either don't say anything, or anything I say sounds reused from before... like the same thing over and over...

Then I feel out of place (sometimes even here, no less), and somehow 'broken'.

Anyone feel the same level of this?

I can do what I consider the first phase of communication kinda okay. Say 'hi, how are ya' or whatever. And I actually feel relatively relaxed in doing that. I even want to do that. But then the difficulty level seems to ratchet up to some monumentally insurmountable level and I haven't the slightest clue how to make any further headway. I just run out of things to say. This is in chat type situations and in PMing people, here or on facebook.

In forum threads, all I can do is, now and again, attempt to make some funny comments - and half the time I'm not even sure if the other person sees why I find it funny. And thats it. Other, serious stuff I say, reads off as if it were from some theory book - it feels 'reused'.

That said, I've been having a good time on the forums lately, joking around with people. Partly because I've become more relaxed about posting in that way and partly because I feel like thats the only way I am able to -and want to- express myself. But that only seems to take you so far. It can help start relationships, but it doesn't maintain them.

And importantly, it doesn't -for me at least- transfer onto real life interactions. And thats where it really matters for me.

So I can do the initial meet n greet bit of communication, but then the stuff you speak about kicks in. I reckon if I were to start of at a new workplace or whatever I'd do ok the first day or two because of this. But then you have to step beyond that initial phase and build 'relationships' or whatever the **** happens with people and I'm pretty clueless when it comes to that. I can't do funny and I can't do serious or anything inbetween in real life.

[its_a_rick]

Originally Posted by XxArmyofOnexX

No one else? Really?

Me too, I kind of feel like the odd one out almost everywhere.

[odd_one_out]

It is difficult for me to communicate online. This is not just due to the overanalysing and anxiety I have, but also that I don't have much social drive, social imagination or interest in non-analytical discussions.

It takes a lot of cognitive power for me to interact online because interaction does not come naturally/intuitively.

[Zaleth]

I think for most cases of social interaction with me, it boils down to the other person talking first, and if they continue even after my initial reply, I usually run out of things to say or avoid them, so I just remain as polite as possible, which I worry that...well; somehow I come across as cold or some adjective.

[ironheart]

I've lost track of the number of conversations I've had that have just petered out due to lack of inspiration/confidence/mental stamina on my part. It makes a lot of people labour under the impression that I am unintelligent (which socially could well be true).

[hopena]

I feel the same way. It's become a bit easier for me, but I'm always feeling as though I'm being obnoxious, whether I'm depressed or cheerful and energetic (maybe too much, for some).

[Stu]

Not in person, not online it seems.

For me it's the feeling of being answerable to someone, trivial matter or not. Just the thought that some other human is expecting a certain level of normal behaviour from me, whether it's a hello, let's hang out or hey are you online makes me sweat.

It's the pressure of the role, if you will.

[Jilly]

I never know what to say so stay quiet lots, friend told me i'm unapprochable, little does she know i'm terrified of saying summat stupid!

[XxArmyofOnexX]

Thanks for the responces all. Around like a few select people, it's fine, I can talk to them for hours, but everyone else, it feels like I'm not saying the right thing, or I'm just dragging the convo along and they're not really responding.

[The Stig]

Exact same happens to me especially in one to one situations. I usually worry too much thinking of something to say and i get all anxious but when i'm not anxious (which is rare in those situations) i can have a convo no bother with out even thinking and be relaxed.

I wish i could just relax more then it wouldn't be so bad.