Batting above average - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
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Batting above average

I was just wondering how to come to terms with trying to be attracted to someone who is not attractive. I'm below average looking and not attractive at all but by miracle the 3 bfs I have had have all been way out of my league looks wise, my last bf always had girls throughing themselves at him (which used to make me so so jealous) and now i really feel like my luck in that sense has run out. I'm trying to be open to liking someone on my level but I find it hard because I'm a 2 at most does it mean I should naturally be attracted to 2s or 3s? I don't know if there was a glitch when I was made, I desperately don't want to be shallow and I know looks fade. I just feel like if there's no attraction I won't be able to kiss them and then it will be just like a friendship and not a relationship. I know this sounds shallow? But it's really worrying me and i don't want to end up old and alone because of it. Then I think or would I rather be alone then with someone I'm not attracted to because I wouldn't want a guy to settle for me if he found me ugly to look at... but then I couldnt be with one of my bfs because we had no spark (on my side) even though he was good looking I knew I'd be settling if I stayed in that relationship.. I feel so lost and worried there's not much hope for me now
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:11 AM
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I think you just need to realize that while someone with good looks is nice, it isn't what should be the most important thing. Like you said looks will just fade over time, so if your top priority is the way someone looks what will you be left with once those looks are gone? For me I would be happy if I can find someone that is a kind and caring person and is someone I just enjoy being with because of who they are, and it would help you if you started thinking a similar way about what you are looking for in a person. I think you not only need to focus more on who the person is, but it would really help if you found someone that focused on the same thing. Yeah sure I won't lie, I would love to have someone that was really attractive physically, but if who they are as a person isn't attractive to me then those looks won't matter at all since they will lose those looks eventually anyway. I have a feeling you're being too hard on yourself for the way you look, I mean it's not like every guy out there only cares about looks. You just have to find someone that truly makes you happy for who they are, and it has to be someone that is happy being with you for who you are too. I know all too well what it's like to lose hope of finding someone since I can't seem to find anyone, but you really shouldn't give up I'm sure you will find someone that can appreciate you for who you are.

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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:19 AM
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Keep trying I'm sure the 7s 8s 9s will also think you're in that range. Don't settle.

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 09:11 AM
 
 
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Generally when you're attracted to someone's personality they start to look better physically. Doesn't make a deformed mutant look beautiful, but it helps. Also there may be guys who fit your visual tastes but not those of the majority, just as you apparently fit the tastes of your three exes.

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lemmy4ever View Post
I think you just need to realize that while someone with good looks is nice, it isn't what should be the most important thing. Like you said looks will just fade over time, so if your top priority is the way someone looks what will you be left with once those looks are gone? For me I would be happy if I can find someone that is a kind and caring person and is someone I just enjoy being with because of who they are, and it would help you if you started thinking a similar way about what you are looking for in a person. I think you not only need to focus more on who the person is, but it would really help if you found someone that focused on the same thing. Yeah sure I won't lie, I would love to have someone that was really attractive physically, but if who they are as a person isn't attractive to me then those looks won't matter at all since they will lose those looks eventually anyway. I have a feeling you're being too hard on yourself for the way you look, I mean it's not like every guy out there only cares about looks. You just have to find someone that truly makes you happy for who they are, and it has to be someone that is happy being with you for who you are too. I know all too well what it's like to lose hope of finding someone since I can't seem to find anyone, but you really shouldn't give up I'm sure you will find someone that can appreciate you for who you are.
Yeh I agree I think it's hard with these dating apps because really all you have to judge someone off mainly is there looks and unfortunately looks is what gets most people through the first door. And I have tried to see if I could be attractive to male friends whom I don't find attractive but it's just not there on any level. I guess it'll take the right one to break that barrier and that's when I'll know its right. Sometime I think I overthink it all too much ?
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:13 PM
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Try hanging out with guys more casually and see if you become more attracted physically to any of them, if not I don't think there's much you can do.


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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:16 PM
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I have the problem where I'm just attracted to females in general. Like I don't even care if society even considers them to be attractive. Of course there are some that I'm not the slightest bit attracted to but I seem to be attracted to many more types of looks that most guys. Which I didn't realize for a long time. I thought most guys were pretty open minded about looks but the internet seems to prove that wrong.

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 07:33 PM
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Oh come now do you really think that you're a 2 out of 10 or is that just the sa talking? If you've managed to have 3 bfs who you consider attractive then maybe you're wrong about you're appearance. And if you're right then you must be a wonderful person to attract these guys who have their pick from dozens of girls so take confidence from that.

I understand you're conundrum. I wish that I could punch above my weight but most of the time even girls that I'm not attracted to have no time for me. I think I'm doomed to be alone forever because I'm only attracted to the girls that are out my league and I just can't settle for someone that I'm not physically attracted to. It wouldn't be fair to either party involved.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:06 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
I have the problem where I'm just attracted to females in general. Like I don't even care if society even considers them to be attractive. Of course there are some that I'm not the slightest bit attracted to but I seem to be attracted to many more types of looks that most guys. Which I didn't realize for a long time. I thought most guys were pretty open minded about looks but the internet seems to prove that wrong.
That is a good trait! I would love that then I feel like I would have so many more options!
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:15 AM Thread Starter
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Oh come now do you really think that you're a 2 out of 10 or is that just the sa talking? If you've managed to have 3 bfs who you consider attractive then maybe you're wrong about you're appearance. And if you're right then you must be a wonderful person to attract these guys who have their pick from dozens of girls so take confidence from that.

I understand you're conundrum. I wish that I could punch above my weight but most of the time even girls that I'm not attracted to have no time for me. I think I'm doomed to be alone forever because I'm only attracted to the girls that are out my league and I just can't settle for someone that I'm not physically attracted to. It wouldn't be fair to either party involved.
I agree it wouldn't be fair to either party and it sucks. It just plays on my mind a lot are we meant to be atttacted to our equal, and I feel like I malfunctioned. I don't know how I got so lucky, all of them said they like me because I'm the "white picket fence type girl" so I know that means it's inner traits with reaffirmation that I am a 2 on the outer. I really don't know how I got so lucky but I think it's cuz we had a spark and that I think is hard to find (for me anyway) and can prob outweigh someone's physical appearance...
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Try hanging out with guys more casually and see if you become more attracted physically to any of them, if not I don't think there's much you can do.
I've done that with a few guy friends and nothing developed at all. They are great guys but no chemistry.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 04:31 AM
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I'm usually attracted to people who are out of my league as well. Not that I'm particularly shallow, but if I'm not attracted, I'm not attracted.

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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 10:25 AM
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You have had 3 attractive bfs and you think you are a 2/10? Is this a stealth bragging thread about how attractive to guys you are despite your "ugliness"?

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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 10:31 AM
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I had a batting average of .327 last year and drove in a 140 runs....

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