please don't be so hard on yourself. everyone, I mean everyone, does and says dumb, stupid things that they regret from time to time. I'd bet that during your time you've witnessed others saying and doing things that were mean, or petty, or embarrassing, or any other thing you'd care to name, and you've forgotten about it, let it go. you can do the same for yourself. we're all just human. accept that your behavior will never be perfect, like most people's, perhaps?
Live Cage Free!!!! or, at least be wild caught.
You can rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it into a way that others cannot destroy it anymore.