First off, I just want to say hello to everyone because this is my first post. I've been lurking for a while and have decided it's time to join.
Lately, my anxiety and depression has been greatly affecting my job performance, which in return has been making me more depressed. I'm currently working for the marketing department for the company my father works at, mostly against my will. I made the terrible mistake of taking a semester off from school, so now I'm at home working full time. Don't get me wrong, I understand if I'm not in school I need to have a job, but the the position I'm currently in is a little less than desirable.
Any ways, back to my frustration. At work I have to make marketing phone calls, calling people asking if they want to buy what we're selling. As someone with anxiety, it's already hard enough to talk to strangers, but it's ten times harder when you know they don't want to talk to you. On top of that, I'm basically doing all the marketing work for my father, so whenever I'm rejected over the phone or too anxious to make the phone calls, I feel like I'm letting down my father.
My father knows I'm depressed and have anxiety, but he doesn't understand it. He thinks the solution to it is medication, and often says things like "can't you smile?", "can't you be happy?" He doesn't get that I'm at a constant mental war with myself, and saying things like that are extremely hurtful. He tells me to "just roll up my sleeves and do it", and all I can think to myself is I wish I could.
So at the moment I'm in the office, two weeks behind on my work, and it feels like I'm letting everyone down around me.