Afraid to hang out with my own boyfriend - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Frustration

Reply
Old 02-21-2012, 01:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 23



Default Afraid to hang out with my own boyfriend

Alright, so I started talking to this guy during the summer via skype because he found out about me through someone else who goes to our school. Since then we've been talking all the time on skype and as much as we can at school. He asked me out about 4 times throughout the school year, each time resulting in me saying no, but finally I agreed because I just started feeling the same way about him. I absolutely adore him and he is one of the only people that I actually enjoy talking to. The problem is that I can't bring myself to hang out with him outside of school! He knows I have social anxiety and understands, but he still wants to hang out really bad and so do I. When I imagine hanging out with him, though, it is just too overwhelmingly scary... I can't explain why. I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and know that I will be super awkward the first time. It's weird because I'm good at talking to him, but I don't know how to ACT with him. Like I don't know how to move or what to do... My social anxiety just takes over. I also have only hung out about 2 or 3 times this whole school year and that was with my best friend who goes to another school. So basically the whole idea of "hanging out" feels so weird and taboo, like it can't even happen, and if it were to actually happen then it wouldn't work out. I dunno. The only way i could hang out with him is if I were to drink a bunch of alcohol. Help me.
gaucherie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 01:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
Whitney's Avatar
 
Status: Currently Broken
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Age: 28
Posts: 1,229



Default

I've had some experience with social anxiety around boyfriends, and the thing I've learned is that every time you hang out it gets a little easier. Yes, it will be awkward at first, and yes, you will be anxious, but you should do it anyway because it will improve!

You said he knows you have social anxiety, so he will be more understanding of why you are awkward/anxious.

Trust me, I've been there. The more time you spend with him, the less anxious you will be. It just takes time. Eventually you will get to a point where you are much more comfortable around him and you will think it was silly how anxious you were before.
__________________
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. ~George Smith Patton

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent. ~Jerome Lawrence

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs. ~Charles de Gaulle
Whitney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 01:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 619



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whitney View Post
I've had some experience with social anxiety around boyfriends, and the thing I've learned is that every time you hang out it gets a little easier. Yes, it will be awkward at first, and yes, you will be anxious, but you should do it anyway because it will improve!

You said he knows you have social anxiety, so he will be more understanding of why you are awkward/anxious.

Trust me, I've been there. The more time you spend with him, the less anxious you will be. It just takes time. Eventually you will get to a point where you are much more comfortable around him and you will think it was silly how anxious you were before.
Yep the fact is the only way to start feeling more comfortable is to be in that situation more and you'll get used to it.
FabledHero is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 02:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
xTKsaucex's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Newcastle, England
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 3,879



Default

This saddens me for some reason. Man SA is a ***** at times.
__________________
Just let your dreams be your pilot, your imagination your fuel. Tear up the book and write your own damn rules. Use all that heart, hope and soul that you've got, and the love and the rage that you feel in your gut,

Hello again, to all my friends, together we can play some rock 'n' roll

http://xalexisflloydx.deviantart.com/

https://www.facebook.com/chris.lloyd.336717

Sorry for any previous and future madness on this forum. Bi Polar is a ****** sometimes =/
xTKsaucex is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 02:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
RawrJessiRawr's Avatar
 
Status: we're all mad here♥
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: California, north cali/bay area
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Posts: 2,757



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whitney:1059682133
I've had some experience with social anxiety around boyfriends, and the thing I've learned is that every time you hang out it gets a little easier. Yes, it will be awkward at first, and yes, you will be anxious, but you should do it anyway because it will improve!

You said he knows you have social anxiety, so he will be more understanding of why you are awkward/anxious.

Trust me, I've been there. The more time you spend with him, the less anxious you will be. It just takes time. Eventually you will get to a point where you are much more comfortable around him and you will think it was silly how anxious you were before.
^
This it gets easier with time and at first I couldn't hang out with my boyfriend either but eventually you just have to force yourself. It's really worth it in the end.
__________________
"I am bent, twisted and scarred. Though I am damaged...I refuse to be broken."

“You may of course ask whether we really need to refer to "saints". Wouldn't it suffice just to refer to decent people? It is true that they form a minority. More than that, they always will remain a minority. And yet I see therein the very challenge to join the minority. For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.” ― Viktor E. Frankl
RawrJessiRawr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 05:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Aug 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 3,442



Default

Lol isn't it kind of normal to feel that way at first?? Dont worry about it to much I felt the same with the first guy I liked and I told him I didn't want to go out with him because it would be to awkward >.< and he just told me that it was alright and that it's normal at first. I feel like everyones nervous when they're around the person they like worrying about weather you'll do something right or wrong but don't sweat it calm down and just be yourself. The guy asked you out more than 3 times he obviously likes you. I doubt he'll dump you just b/c your nervous lol just hang out with him and slowly you'll get used to it. Like said above it just takes time
fallen18 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2012, 06:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
rymo's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Brooklyn
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 4,552



Default

As a girl you have the ability to be cute and shy and guys will think it's charming and adorable. In other words, just because you don't know how to act 100% perfectly doesn't mean a guy is going to immediately cast you aside. There's some leeway there that will allow you to take time to adjust and get over these initial anxieties. And there's no right way to act, just focus on not being anxious. Every time a negative thought comes into your mind while you're hanging out with him, just reject it. It's not easy but over time you will see that things will improve and your true personality will rise to the top naturally.
rymo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2012, 01:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
AtmosphereIsHipHop's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Minnesota
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Posts: 176



Default

for your first time hanging out with him i suggest you try doing something where he cant see you very well so he cant tell that youre nervous.... like maybe seeing a movie (its dark so he wont see how nervous you really are) then as time progresses you will come out of your shell and it will feel more natural.
AtmosphereIsHipHop is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2012, 09:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1



Smile YAY!

I am SO glad i found this.. I thought I was the only one.. I get so scared just at the thought of hanging out with guys.. I don't really know where the fear comes from.. it's just unexplainable. My anxiety is so bad that it just flares up whenever my life shows any signs of changing or moving out of my comfort zone. I eventually end up throwing up, then i feel 100% better, and then it hits again and i throw up again and it's just a cycle that repeats over and over again until everything is back to normal. I can't control it. I'm 15 and haven't been able to be in a relationship since elementary school back when I had NO anxiety. And I wouldn't even count Elm. school. But there is this one guy. i've texted him and we've facetimed. We both have a lot in common and I think I really like him. We both wanna hang out but i just don't know if i can handle it. My mom knows about my anxiety and it kills me that she won't take me to the doctor or do anything about it. She says I shouldn't have to depend on medicine to help me, but she takes zanex for her anxiety... so why can't I? I just want to be put out of my misery. MY anxiety didn't start until i started 6th grade. It just helps a lot knowing that I'm not the only one out there.
rachelleigh997 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2012, 10:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
cole phelps's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 510



Default

Just be grateful you have a b/f. Other than that give it time. It will all work out.
cole phelps is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2012, 10:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,024



Default

How do you have a bf but have never hung out outside of school? Sounds like you are just friends imo. Just do something with him, go watch a movie or go fishing or something. Go somewhere alone with him.
socialphobia23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2012, 10:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
Jollygoggles's Avatar
 
Status: We Are All Made Of Stars
Join Date: Mar 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 1,392



Default

Don't tell him you've SA but just let him know you get reallly anxious when you first meet people. Say you go all 'weird'. Make a joke of it. He'll probably find it really endearing in a cute sort of a way.
Jollygoggles is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Invited to hang out tonight, but I'm afraid to? CefaliK Coping With Social Anxiety 6 10-29-2011 04:17 PM
Single people are you ever afraid to hang out someone you know because they are in a Ironpain Relationships 3 08-18-2010 10:52 AM
Really afraid to ask this girl to hang out.. iwishiwasaway Coping With Social Anxiety 9 07-22-2010 01:29 AM
Are you ever afraid to ask friends if they want to hang out? Hysteric Frustration 16 06-26-2009 03:33 PM
I'm afraid to meet my boyfriend mystikspiral99 Frustration 1 12-31-1969 07:00 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:17 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.