Absent father and domineering mother screwed my self-esteem and now my life sucks - Social Anxiety Forum
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Old 03-29-2013, 05:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Absent father and domineering mother screwed my self-esteem and now my life sucks

I haven't yet introduced myself here. I found the site because I'm looking for relief to this issue that's been ailing me. I just posted this same thing on Yahoo Answers. Anyway, I hope this is the right forum to post this in.

My mother was always a feminist who, in her own words, "went and got the guy she wanted". When she was 24 she married my dad, an alpha "manly man". She failed to dominate him and he would not be a b*tch to her irrational feelings and god complex. So she divorced him when I was 2 and my sister was 1.

She married another guy who has basically been her subordinate ever since. So I had no male role model but instead a suffocating, domineering mother. The only times I would visit my dad he would mock and tease me for being either a *****, or emotionally unstable like my mother.

I'm 26 now. Although I have had sex with several girls, I've been afraid of them my whole life and my shyness and inability to approach the girls I've wanted has resulted in many lost opportunities for love and experience, and I've been miserable my whole life because of it, hating myself. When I was in high school a lot of girls flirted with me, but I was immobilized by fear, so I never even flirted. Some people thought I was gay. Girls and guys, all because I was shy, insecure and couldn't assert myself.

When I was 23 I became a junkie and after 2 years I moved back into my mother's home to get clean. It's been two years. I basically sunk into another hole and became my mother's b*tch again. I couldn't find a job so I clean the home everyday to contribute. It was that or pay rent with money I don't have.

So today I'm f'ed up, I hate my parents because I became a failed man with no confidence or ability to assert myself. I posted this today because I had a conversation with my mother last night. She accused me of "never having a girlfriend" because of my inability to deal with the fact that my own sister was sexually molested when I was maybe 3 or 4. It's bull**** cause I have no recollection and I know my mom's the reason I'm a mess. I resent her sense of faultlessness.

I'm a musician and I'm going on a busking trip in June, so I'm gonna get away from this hole for while. It's also to try and quit the drug-rehab meds I've been on. I don't know yet if I'll come back or not because my sister is here with bi-polar and borderline and she needs constant attention because medications don't work. Anyway so even if I leave again I'm still taking my anxiety and insecurities with me.

I know some people never become like me. They rise up from situations and become strong people. So some might consider me a cry baby, which I am to some extent, but I can't help it, and I've been trying to "fix" myself my whole life, conflicted between my nature and my desire for self-improvement. I'm already consumed by regret for all the opportunities I've lost, the fact that I've missed out on so many experiences. What can I do to change?
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I can relate, really I can. I read a book by Caroline Myss called Sacred Contracts. It opened my eyes to the type of person my mother molded me to be. I was so pissed at my mom I did not speak to her for a long time. I then realized that I could conquer this momumental head screw by forgiving her, and remolding myself into the person I wanted to be. Warning; Caroline Myss is a new ager and the second half of this book is crap. The first half is genius though.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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My father is not a male figure neither, this mess up boy's head. We are lucky we are not gay. Reading this was like reading part of my life with some details different.

Feminists are the devil, as well as everything that is originated from cultural marxism. Most of serial killers were raised by single mothers.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yeah... it's actually been a long process figuring out why I am the way I am. I'm always telling myself that I have nothing to gain by dwelling on things, that it is possible to leave these things behind, move on and be the person I wanna be. But right now it's impossible because I keep going further down the rabbit hole, finding direct links to why I am this way. Maybe if I hadn't come back to live with my family I'd have continued growing, but now I'm confronted with this stuff all over again and it's hard because I have my mom pointing out things that are wrong with me, but refuses to acknowledge that her behavior has caused it. I've stopped talking to my dad altogether. I've come to hate how he left my sister and me to be tormented and now he has contempt for me because I didn't turn out like him. I don't know if I can forgive. Especially knowing that my life up until now has been a struggle cause of all her BS. And now I still carry it with me. I just wanna get away. Addiction just makes it all the more hard.

I hate feminism too. I believe in mutual respect, equality and merit, but some of these women let their resentment of men spill into their views and I got to be the trashcan for all her resentment.
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Everyone has a story to tell. I don't think life had to do too much to me. Sometimes you have to realise that a lot of it is genetic. Others could go through the same and turn out differently. It's so easy to attribute meaning to things but ultimately it's how you respond to the environment that difines you. Learn not to hold grudges and you will feel better inside. I'm not suggesting you forgive and forget. Distance yourself from toxic people and try to make the best of your situation. Not necessarily as easy as all that but you can try...
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Old 03-29-2013, 02:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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i was raised by my mother too but my mother was not a feminist by any means. She tried to have a traditional marriage as a stay at home mom, she quit her job to raise us kids while dad was away at work. But then my dad started being physically abusive and she had to get a divorce and that just f-cked everything up. We lost our income and grew up poor. it was way more my dad's fault. he was just not a good father even though i forgive him.

i would not call my mom domineering, she just has a lot of anxiety issues so she tended to worry a lot which caused her to be somewhat over protective.
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