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Old 01-12-2011, 08:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default 23 years old, going crazy from loneliness

I'm a 23 year old girl with no friends. I've never been on a date, and never so much as held hands with a guy. I live with my parents. I have a part time job (jobs are pretty scarce where I am) and on my days off I sit around by myself with no where to go and no one to talk to.

I work in retail, and while I can look the customers in the eye and help them when approached, I am unable to approach them, or greet them when I walk by. On the few occasions that I have said hi, they usually just look at me like I have two heads and ignore me. So then I'm embarrassed and don't attempt it again. My bosses don't know that when a customer enters an aisle I'm working in, I usually have to turn away. Sometimes my hands are even slightly jittery. If they found out that I don't speak to customers until spoken to, I'd be in serious trouble. I already got fired from my first job as a cashier because I was so shy that I was deemed "rude" by customers.

I have almost 80 friends on Facebook, but none of them are real friends that I can call up or go out and do anything with. Just people I've worked with and such. My Facebook is depressing as it looks like it's basically just me talking to myself. No one cares what I have to say about anything. I can't post pictures of me out with friends, because I have none.

I can't stand to see my reflection in a mirror when I'm shopping and not expecting it. I always try to avoid it. Everywhere I go I feel so awkward, as if I'm on stage. I'm calculating every little move I make, worrying about what my hands are doing, etc.

I ended up like this after being bullied in grade school to the point where I had to be taken out and homeschooled. My dad having rage problems and dispensing occasional verbal abuse didn't help me to develop a good self esteem growing up. I was homeschoold beginning in early grade 6, and I spent all those years basically isolated. I was never able to make friends, even at homeschool group outings. When I was 13ish I had a neighborhood playmate that I would se once in a while, but she was a few years younger than me and she was always on the go visiting relatives. Around the same age, even until age 15, I was so lonely I was hanging around with a little girl across the street when she was 3-6. It was pathetic, a 14 year old girl watching Telletubbies with a little kid, with the mom asking me awkwardly "Don't you have any friends your own age?"

I took college classes and graduated in '08. Never made any friends. My classes were mostly telecourse of online, since campus is so far away. I did attend some off campus night classes once or twice a week, but no friends. Got my first job at 19, nearly 20 (!!), because I was spoiled, sheltered, and too afraid to go out and get one. Two years later, that's when I was fired. At my current job, my co-workers respect me because I'm a good worker, but then they will sometimes get together after work and I'll be the odd one out, as I've always been. I'll joke and write parodies on Facebook occasionally, and they'll tell me I'm hilarious, but then at work they don't really talk to me much and we're still not friends.

I'm not comfortable in my own skin, and a lot of times when someone looks at me, I'll quick look away. Unless they're speaking to me, then I can look them in the eye for a time. Since I'm SO tense at work around people, and have lousy posture, I end up with back pain in epic proportions, and it makes work hell. I end up gobbling Inbuprofen and Tylenol, and then I have to have a glass of wine after work to help relieve the tension. My tension has also caused other physical problems, such as pelvic floor dysfunction disorder, which is a delightful little disorder that makes it so you're almost always constipated and you can't empty your bladder, so you always have to go. I can fix this with lots of kegel excercises, but I never remember to do them enough. I guess I was raised to be a tense person, the way my father was always yelling at me.

Right now I'm having a bad time of the month, and have been crying. I don't need to be a social butterfly, I just for God's sake would like a couple of friends to go to the mall with, see a movie with, shop with, etc. I would also like to actually find someone to love and who loves me, but I don't see that ever happening. And I would like to be able to be around my customers without being unbearably tense.

It bugs me that if you look up lonely people online, they're either saying "I'm sooo lonely, I have no friends. I do have my boyfriend, but..." or they're saying "I'm sooo lonely. I have a lot of friends, but no boyfriend." Am I the only one my age without friends whose never had a boyfriend either?

I'm on a high dose of Prozac, the only med that ever helped me, and I'm a lot better, but obviously there is still a lot of work to go.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I'm sorry to hear that and I want you to know that a lot of what you said rings true to me, I'm not that good at giving advice and I don't want to sound like I'm patronising you. All I can do is tell you you're not alone, I have lost all my friends as well. I'm sitting here at 4:30 am feeling so low I could hang myself. I posted a rant in reply to another post but I don't want to bore you with it unless you're interested. I hope everything works out for you is about all I can say. Take care.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to alot of what you just said, I feel very lonely too.
I have 0 friends and no g/f. No job nothing just sit in my house allday
i know how you feel it sucks.
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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to the form.

I used to work in a store and I had trouble greeting customers in the aisles, too. I always felt like customers didn't want me to bug them. I didn't mind greeting them when they came to the check out line.

I hope things improve for you. If you ever get lonely, you can message me. Not that I'm that entertaining lol
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Old 01-12-2011, 08:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Oh you're definitely not alone. I'm 22 and have no friends at all or a boyfriend. And you have me beat. Try being in you're early twenties and not having any work experience. Now that's embarassing. I admire the fact that inspite of your physical pain and anxiety about your work situation. that you are persistent and continue to do the job. I think that shows how much courage and strength you Have. And I know what you mean about just wanting a couple of friends to hang out with. I always wished that I found that one true friend that I could talk to about anything and everything. I've been more lonely now and days. When I once used to love to be alone. But if you are really looking for a change, maybe you should hang out with your co workers. Anything is worth trying once, right. P.S. I'm here if you ever want to talk
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for the friendly welcomes, everyone.
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Old 01-12-2011, 09:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Here's my rant from another thread. I hope you can take some solace in knowing that this covers maybe 5% of all the **** I'm dealing with at the moment. The rest is just too painful or too long and complicated to post. Always remember there's someone else out there going through similar bull****.

I have severe OCD as well as anxiety.

I smoked weed and drank heavily on a daily basis up until recently.

I have never had a job, nor am I able to get one for various reasons.

I feel so low I can't leave the house.

I've lost all my friends due to my drug use, unwillingness to participate in social events and aggressive behaviour while drunk.

The girl I have been in love with for years insists on sleeping with everyone with a penis in the country except for me, AND THEN INSISTS ON TELLING ME ABOUT IT.

I have recently started therapy and it is doing nothing for me except making me regret telling some stranger all my secrets.

I am an emotional and financial burdon on my family.

I am bitter, angry and I want revenge on anyone that's ever wronged me.

I am paranoid and mistrustful of everyone I meet, and can not seem to form real connections with people anymore.

The only things I enjoyed doing were reading, playing the drums and seeing friends all of which I can't do now because of problems with my eyes, arthritis, and I don't have friends anymore.

I stare out the window at planes and am jealous of every single passenger aboard and just wish I could trade places with them. I don't know what I want to do, but I need to get out of here soon, or something terrible will happen. But can I ever have a fresh start? I will always be me no matter where I go. I wish I could feel happy, or at least not feel suicidal all day. RANT OVER
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Old 01-12-2011, 11:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to you in a lotta ways. I did independent study from 7th-12th grade because i was too mentally sick with this to handle regular school. I've also managed to spend years isolated, with only a few, very brief real life friendships (which makes me feel like such a defective). That sucks your coworkers talk to you on Facebook but won't in real life. Maybe you can mention something they said on Facebook to get them talking? I hope you can make some friends soon (maybe volunteer, take a class or even look for an anxiety or depression support group in your area?). Feel free to PM me if u ever wanna talk about how lonliness or being different sucks.
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Despina83 View Post
It bugs me that if you look up lonely people online, they're either saying "I'm sooo lonely, I have no friends. I do have my boyfriend, but..." or they're saying "I'm sooo lonely. I have a lot of friends, but no boyfriend." Am I the only one my age without friends whose never had a boyfriend either?
You're definitely not alone. I'm in practically the same situation you are, except I'm living overseas with my parents and I don't have a job.

I'm really sorry to hear about the bullying. No one should have to go through that.
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Old 01-13-2011, 06:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Good news! Since you are a girl, you have a good chance at obtaining a boyfriend. Simply because guys go for girls whether they are quiet/shy or not. I myself was compelled to ask a "really quiet" girl who wasn't a supermodel, on a date once but it turns out she was already taken.

Friends are not as easy though and that goes for both sexes.
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Old 01-13-2011, 06:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Would like to add that I'm also 23. I have no friends. I live with my parents. I've never had a girlfriend. You're not the only one!

My advice to you is that you have to start making changes in your life. Find a way to be financially independent and move out. Do things to meet people: take classes, volunteer, join clubs, try to meet people online in your area. You can sit and wait to make friends with someone at work, but it might never happen. And if it doesn't, don't worry about it! Cast your net wide. Challenge yourself. It's a hard process, but you're young and have so many more prospects to meet people and do things than you realise. You just have to have to start being proactive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wayztuff Life View Post
Good news! Since you are a girl, you have a good chance at obtaining a boyfriend. Simply because guys go for girls whether they are quiet/shy or not. I myself was compelled to ask a "really quiet" girl who wasn't a supermodel, on a date once but it turns out she was already taken.

Friends are not as easy though and that goes for both sexes.
Is it really about just having a "boyfriend" though? I don't want to put words in to the OPs mouth, but I'm pretty sure she's looking for a meaningful, loving relationship and not just for some random guy who thinks he has a statistically better chance with her because she's not the social type.

A relationship is more than a checkbox on a list. Or it should be in any case.
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I don't have girlfriend and friends either, but now it doesn't bother me as much as it used to because i've been like this my whole life and now it feels like normal condition.

To find somebody who truly cares and loves you might be hard, i've personally given up on that case because i'm just simply not good enough to function as a human being, but you sound like a normal girl to me, you just need to be more open to people, i think you'll find that somebody eventually.
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Hey I'm the same (see my username)... btw your name reminded me of a girl I used to like, but I never did much about it
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I can say I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. I don't know how much help it does though. Although I hate when people tell me to make goals, I have to say from experience that it works. Start with something small that you can accomplish. Something to get moving out of comfort zone little by little. Please be specific though, with WHAT you want and WHEN you want it. Don't give up.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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@despina83

I am 23 year old guy who never had any girl friend I am as lonely as you are. From which country you are?
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Old 01-13-2011, 02:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Except for the working part, that describes me to a T. It doesnt help that people always tell me I need friends and to get a girlfriend. It's hard finding someone you can get along with and who at the same time accepts you for who you are.

Yet I am forced to go to all these family gatherings, weddings, parties, etc.., and I feel like crap being alone when everyone has their spouses or friends to hang with.

I want to move, and mabye with a fresh start I will meet new faces and mabye get lucky?
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Old 01-13-2011, 07:29 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I can definitely relate to a lot of that.

I'm really bad at consoling and offering advice. All I can say is that I hope you continue to post around the forums here. I've only been doing so for a day or two and already feel less crappy. Also, have you tried Yoga? It's really expensive to go to a class but you might go to one or two, then find a DVD or watch a show of it and follow along. I did it twice a week for a few months and every time I did it I felt so great afterwards. Helped keep the stress and muscle pains down.
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Hi Despina83! I can relate to a lot of your post. My parents were overprotective and I missed out on "social milestones" in my teen years because I left school early. I made my first "real" boyfriend when I was 20. If you feel bad about yourself it is long road to get better. If I were you I would work on my "weak areas" in order to build confidence. I have found that making friends and getting a boyfriend can help you to feel connected but doesn't bring the kind of happiness and self confidence that working on yourself does. Why don't you send a message to someone on facebook asking them to hang out?
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keithp View Post
I want to move, and mabye with a fresh start I will meet new faces and mabye get lucky?
I'd like to do that to, I think that's my only solution, cause there are too many ****y memories tied to this place and these people, I definitely would like a fresh start in some other city and country
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:42 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Despina83 View Post
Am I the only one my age without friends whose never had a boyfriend either?
guys loooove moneeey
you need to have money to make guys like you, mkay
and you need a bmw as well
once you become a rich and powerful woman, guys will flock to you like flies on honey
i guarantee it
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