Lately I've been acting more like myself, more like who I am and who I want to be. It's hard, but I've been realizing more and more that this is MY life (not meant to sound rude), and we only have one life (well, for all we know now).
I think the reason I've been changing is because I've just grown tired of holding back and not being me. I do feel guilty for being myself and/or enjoying myself, I think because my low self-esteem tells me I don't deserve to have fun, but I've been trying not to regret "being me".
Some influences on these 'revelations' I've been having include Robert Frost (I loveee his poem "The Road Not Taken"), The Buried Life crew, YACHT, and a couple others.
I'm not sure if this helped you, but I hope you'll think about this. It's reallyyy hard, I know, to be yourself, but in the end, when you look back at your life, you'll know you lived the way you wanted to live. I don't want to make decisions anymore based on my self-consciousness. If I want to do something, I'm going to try to do it (not anything bad though of course).
And this is not to say I regret having SA. I mean, I do regret the things I've missed out on because of it, but I'm also trying not to regret the past anymore. I'm grateful for what my SA has taught me and like who I am because of it. The past, it already happened. I CAN change my future. YOU can, too!
Baby steps. You can do it! We ALL can!
(sorry for the slight corniness, but it's true!)
P.S. I'm thinking about writing a book about overcoming SA/fears and my story..is that something you'd be interested in? What do you think?
EDIT: about a month later, and I feel totally different. My depression is back pretty strong due to some events happening in my life. I hate this back and forth of emotions! I'm trying to get back in the mentioned positive mindset, but it's hard. I guess the best/only thing I can do is try.