Social Anxiety Support

when will we be new skin · 08-30-2009, 04:13 PM

Sure, it works for little things like going to the grocery store or ordering food or answering the phone.

But as much as I try to "think positive" before a big presentation, I'm still a complete and utter mess once I get up there.

britisharrow · 08-30-2009, 10:12 PM

I don't find it works even for the grocery store, I believe there may be a way to apply it in a realistic way. Through CBT for example, which is backing up the ideas with EVIDENCE.

Without evidence I don't believe something. Now someone might say, well is there evidence to say people are looking at and laughing at you, well that's getting into CBT which I support.

Repeating to myself that things are or will get better I find to be frustrating, if it works for other people fine.

Qoder · 09-02-2009, 03:06 PM

I've found that the best way to apply positivity is moderately.

To go into a situation thinking there's no way you can fail, and that it'll be effortless, is just as bad as being completely negative and expecting to fail.

But when I think positive, I try to use it to be realistic. I know the presentation will be tough, I know initiating a conversation with a coworker will be tough. But when you have anxieties about specific things, it's easy to blow them out of proportion. Some things SHOULD be stressful, it's a natural reaction of our body, but managing that stress and turning it into something that helps you get through your problem is a real skill.

Uh, I might've just been rambling there. What I mean is, positivity shouldn't be used to fool yourself, but to get yourself to think realistically. Either extreme of positive or negative will be detrimental to your success, you should be prepared for both.

thelonelyloner · 09-03-2009, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by when will we be new skin

Sure, it works for little things like going to the grocery store or ordering food or answering the phone.

But as much as I try to "think positive" before a big presentation, I'm still a complete and utter mess once I get up there.

Thats because you have no confidence in yourself most likely. You need confidence to pair with positve thinking.

fluch · 09-03-2009, 02:46 PM

I'd agree with what the above people are saying...just thinking positively alone isn't really enough. especially if you don't believe in it. I think that's often the hardest part. I find that if I try to convince myself to think positively without backing it up with anything it just ends up becoming a real comedown (i.e. if I try to convince myself that I'll do something by positive thinking but don't or if I have no real intention to do it but try to lull myself through positive thought...).
On the other hand I think I achieve more if I think positively than if I think negatively. It just needs some will or action to back it up or sure up the belief. It goes without saying that this is much easier for smaller things. Things that are more consequential are much more of a challenge. Thinking positive can lead places though, e.g. if it encourages you to think more about the practicalities of something, you can take it in steps to reach your goal by using positive thought as motivation to take real action. I find that this works sometimes.

Gloria14 · 09-04-2009, 02:16 AM

I don't think it's a matter of necessarily positive thinking, but just realizing that everything is going to be okay.

Like, you'll be a bit nervous (nauseous, dizzy, or what have you) but your world won't come crashing down. You'll be all right in the end. Am I wrong? You only get scared to do your presentation, so you freak yourself out and ARE scared during it. But after you're okay. Cause you told yourself you'd be okay when it was over. Right? So keep telling yourself, and trying to believe it will be okay, no matter what happens. And if you do it enough, it eventually sinks in and you do start to believe it. It's the fear that's causing your anxiety, and that's what you need to eliminate. Try to find a way to laugh with it, regardless of how absurd that seems. Rationalize with yourself about why you're having the panic attack. In other words, explain to yourself why you're having it. Then, comfort yourself and be nice to yourself. Don't get mad or frustrated or upset with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. And tell yourself you will be okay. Because anxiety is another part of life that just comes and goes. That's all it is.

It might help if you take a look at this audio file. I downloaded it and this guy has really been helping me. It goes through the way to talk to yourself properly DURING a panic attack so you can keep it from escalating.
I recommend you have a look because it helped me out a lot.

http://attackyouranxiety.com/the_imp...o_yourself.php

This guy knows what he's saying because he's dealt with anxiety and gotten over it. Pretty impressive.

You can also find him at http://ilovepanicattacks.com/

John_in_SF · 09-09-2009, 07:15 PM

I agree completely, wwbns. My experience is that most important thing is to RELAX and QUASH negative thoughts. That's it. If positive thoughts come, then it's a bonus. But I will settle for pleasant blankness over negative ideation.

roverred · 09-10-2009, 08:18 PM

Self positive talk is definitely less effective during the event and self-talk prior to the event can only minimize the anxiety so much. But it sounds like you are expecting too much too fast. Or you believe you are being positive but you are actually pressuring yourself. It's pretty common to happen. Also it's also very important to develop a positive mindset for after the event, to handle the dealing with the inevitiable mistakes you will encounter.

For situations like a presentation, to be honest, I think the only way to improve on that is exposure with Positive Thinking. The positive thinking will allow you to improve each time, and hopefully minimizing the anxiety an very tiny bit at a time.

secretlyshecries · 09-16-2009, 06:23 AM

Quote:

I don't think it's a matter of necessarily positive thinking, but just realizing that everything is going to be okay.

Like, you'll be a bit nervous (nauseous, dizzy, or what have you) but your world won't come crashing down. You'll be all right in the end. Am I wrong?

This stood out to me because I've just recently realised a big part of my problem is that when I dread something, I dread it like it's the end of the world-- literally. Like there'll be nothing else after the dreaded event, that the world will end the moment I go to/do this dreaded thing because it's just so bad (or so says my brain). It helps me to remind myself that there'll be a time AFTER the thing I'm worrying about. And to recall events in the past where I've worried and obsessed over something but in the end been fine-- and that there is always an afterwards.

power2theweak · 09-16-2009, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by secretlyshecries

This stood out to me because I've just recently realised a big part of my problem is that when I dread something, I dread it like it's the end of the world-- literally. Like there'll be nothing else after the dreaded event, that the world will end the moment I go to/do this dreaded thing because it's just so bad (or so says my brain). It helps me to remind myself that there'll be a time AFTER the thing I'm worrying about. And to recall events in the past where I've worried and obsessed over something but in the end been fine-- and that there is always an afterwards.

Yes, I agree. I've found that it helps to remind myself that I'm safe--that I'm not in any real danger.

bignate · 09-16-2009, 05:08 PM

I disagree...

If you can manage a way to cancle out all your negetive thoughts about yourself, and keep doing that, replacing it with positive thoughts even if you find them not true...because the fact is, a lot of the negetive thoughts we think aren't true, so whats the difference with replacing those thoughts with a postive one that may not be true?

Then replacing negetive activities that you find negetive, with positive ones, you can not do anything but go up...

bowlingpins · 09-16-2009, 05:35 PM

I never really believed in the idea of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This is too superficial. If one wants to be positive, they should do positive things (work hard, do well) not sit there and reanalyze how a negative event can be perceived more positively.

08-30-2009, 04:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
when will we be new skin Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: indiana Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 154	I've found that positive thinking only goes so far. Sure, it works for little things like going to the grocery store or ordering food or answering the phone. But as much as I try to "think positive" before a big presentation, I'm still a complete and utter mess once I get up there. __________________ Unlearn me. Ditch what I read, behind what I heard. Look. Find. Free.

09-04-2009, 02:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
Gloria14 Status: Work in Progress Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ontario Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 21	I don't think it's a matter of necessarily positive thinking, but just realizing that everything is going to be okay. Like, you'll be a bit nervous (nauseous, dizzy, or what have you) but your world won't come crashing down. You'll be all right in the end. Am I wrong? You only get scared to do your presentation, so you freak yourself out and ARE scared during it. But after you're okay. Cause you told yourself you'd be okay when it was over. Right? So keep telling yourself, and trying to believe it will be okay, no matter what happens. And if you do it enough, it eventually sinks in and you do start to believe it. It's the fear that's causing your anxiety, and that's what you need to eliminate. Try to find a way to laugh with it, regardless of how absurd that seems. Rationalize with yourself about why you're having the panic attack. In other words, explain to yourself why you're having it. Then, comfort yourself and be nice to yourself. Don't get mad or frustrated or upset with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. And tell yourself you will be okay. Because anxiety is another part of life that just comes and goes. That's all it is. It might help if you take a look at this audio file. I downloaded it and this guy has really been helping me. It goes through the way to talk to yourself properly DURING a panic attack so you can keep it from escalating. I recommend you have a look because it helped me out a lot. http://attackyouranxiety.com/the_imp...o_yourself.php This guy knows what he's saying because he's dealt with anxiety and gotten over it. Pretty impressive. You can also find him at http://ilovepanicattacks.com/ __________________ -Gloria

09-10-2009, 08:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
roverred Status: Dude Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Vancouver Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 437	Self positive talk is definitely less effective during the event and self-talk prior to the event can only minimize the anxiety so much. But it sounds like you are expecting too much too fast. Or you believe you are being positive but you are actually pressuring yourself. It's pretty common to happen. Also it's also very important to develop a positive mindset for after the event, to handle the dealing with the inevitiable mistakes you will encounter. For situations like a presentation, to be honest, I think the only way to improve on that is exposure with Positive Thinking. The positive thinking will allow you to improve each time, and hopefully minimizing the anxiety an very tiny bit at a time. __________________ "An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

09-16-2009, 05:08 PM	#11 (permalink)
bignate Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Ohio Age: 22 Posts: 1,258	I disagree... If you can manage a way to cancle out all your negetive thoughts about yourself, and keep doing that, replacing it with positive thoughts even if you find them not true...because the fact is, a lot of the negetive thoughts we think aren't true, so whats the difference with replacing those thoughts with a postive one that may not be true? Then replacing negetive activities that you find negetive, with positive ones, you can not do anything but go up... __________________ "Maladaptive coping involves finding ways to "deal" with your social anxiety without solving the problem: you might avoid all potentially embarrassing social situations; you might medicate yourself with drugs or alcohol when facing a social situation is unavoidable [...] In the long run, such strategies feed your anxiety and keep your fear of disapproval alive." When you want something so bad, nothing else matters --Coach Kenji--

08-30-2009, 10:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
britisharrow Status: 3rd SAS Battalion Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Glasgow, UK Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 455	I don't find it works even for the grocery store, I believe there may be a way to apply it in a realistic way. Through CBT for example, which is backing up the ideas with EVIDENCE. Without evidence I don't believe something. Now someone might say, well is there evidence to say people are looking at and laughing at you, well that's getting into CBT which I support. Repeating to myself that things are or will get better I find to be frustrating, if it works for other people fine.

09-02-2009, 03:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
Qoder Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Southwest USA Gender: Male Posts: 33	I've found that the best way to apply positivity is moderately. To go into a situation thinking there's no way you can fail, and that it'll be effortless, is just as bad as being completely negative and expecting to fail. But when I think positive, I try to use it to be realistic. I know the presentation will be tough, I know initiating a conversation with a coworker will be tough. But when you have anxieties about specific things, it's easy to blow them out of proportion. Some things SHOULD be stressful, it's a natural reaction of our body, but managing that stress and turning it into something that helps you get through your problem is a real skill. Uh, I might've just been rambling there. What I mean is, positivity shouldn't be used to fool yourself, but to get yourself to think realistically. Either extreme of positive or negative will be detrimental to your success, you should be prepared for both.

09-03-2009, 02:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
fluch Status: in another moment... Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 101	I'd agree with what the above people are saying...just thinking positively alone isn't really enough. especially if you don't believe in it. I think that's often the hardest part. I find that if I try to convince myself to think positively without backing it up with anything it just ends up becoming a real comedown (i.e. if I try to convince myself that I'll do something by positive thinking but don't or if I have no real intention to do it but try to lull myself through positive thought...). On the other hand I think I achieve more if I think positively than if I think negatively. It just needs some will or action to back it up or sure up the belief. It goes without saying that this is much easier for smaller things. Things that are more consequential are much more of a challenge. Thinking positive can lead places though, e.g. if it encourages you to think more about the practicalities of something, you can take it in steps to reach your goal by using positive thought as motivation to take real action. I find that this works sometimes.

09-09-2009, 07:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
John_in_SF Status: Good grief Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: San Francisco, California Gender: Male Posts: 261	I agree completely, wwbns. My experience is that most important thing is to RELAX and QUASH negative thoughts. That's it. If positive thoughts come, then it's a bonus. But I will settle for pleasant blankness over negative ideation.

09-16-2009, 05:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
bowlingpins Status: Temporarily Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 557	I never really believed in the idea of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This is too superficial. If one wants to be positive, they should do positive things (work hard, do well) not sit there and reanalyze how a negative event can be perceived more positively.