Cbt would probably be good for you, I don't know an awful lot about the more in depth effects of childhood on things like this.
Originally Posted by Tess4u
I can't stop but assume I'm such a freak or weirdo that they hate me, probably laughing at me and etc.
It sucks being super anxious all the time, and assuming everyone is plotting against me
I wish I had a positive outlookbut I just feel like I'm abnormal, weird and I will never be good enough not even for me
This sounds similar to something I worked through in cbt, it doesn't affect me in the same way now. It's a nasty repetitive thing to re-inforce all the time, try writing it down and de-constructing it with socratic questioning like:
'Why do you say that?', 'Could you explain further?' 2.
'Is this always the case?', 'Why do you think that this assumption holds here?'
'Why do you say that?', 'Is there reason to doubt this evidence?'
'What is the counter argument for?', 'Can/did anyone see this another way?'
'But if what happened, what else would result?', 'How does...affect...?'
'Why do you think that I asked that question?', 'Why was that question important?', 'Which of your questions turned out to be the most useful?'
Courtesy of wikipedia
And remember to cut yourself a ton of slack, things take time and the little (sometimes uncomfortable) intricasies are all just part of the bigger picture.