Unstable mood

[Duke of Prunes]

Recently I've started having really short (a few hours at the most), really intense depressive episodes. They usually begin with a negative thought (usually an anxiety about something that's coming up, anxiety about something bad but highly unlikely happening to me, or if I've upset/hurt someone recently, a feeling of guilt), my thoughts start racing and my mood rapidly spirals downhill. It usually gets to the point where I start considering methods of suicide in depth, but I never have the means to carry any of them out and even when I do, I just wimp out and just sit there thinking about it for what seems like forever. Depending on the particular thought/stimuli that triggered the episode, sometimes I even become slightly paranoid and worry that certain people know more than I want them to. Eventually when my mind becomes occupied by something else (which usually requires somebody else intervening, because my motivation to do anything goes out the window), I forget about it and go back to being apathetic or slightly happy (depending on what kind of distraction made me snap out of it).

The scary thing is, it doesn't take much to trigger it. As long as I'm on my own, bored, and not intoxicated, the smallest negative thought could set me off. Sometimes I can even have multiple of them a day.

I looked up various conditions, and I couldn't find any that exactly fit my description, but the ones that raised red flags for me were Borderline Personality, Bipolar and Schizoaffective. I fit into most of the symptoms of Borderline Personality, but I know people with it and you can tell there's something up with them just from their behaviour and interactions, whereas the only unusual behaviour I show when I'm in one of these episodes is irritability. I also know people with bipolar, and their mood doesn't change as rapidly as mine, and their mood swings are far more extreme than anything I've had. Schizoaffective seems unlikely as well, as I've never had any of the psychotic symptoms beyond a little paranoia.

After doing a bit of research, I do know that I could definitely have ADD. I fit into all of the criteria that the DSM lists, and thinking about it, I have done since I was a child. I didn't consider it before because I am capable of concentrating on certain things, but usually only because the alternative is doing something that triggers SA or because I have nothing else to do. I don't know if ADD can cause mood instability or if it has a factor in it, but I thought it could be relevant.

Does anyone have any thoughts on my situation?

[endlessdisorder]

Sounds like me. I have no idea what it is but I know that depression can cause a lot of easily-trigger irritability just like what you've described.

[millenniumman75]

Originally Posted by Duke of Prunes

Recently I've started having really short (a few hours at the most), really intense depressive episodes. They usually begin with a negative thought (usually an anxiety about something that's coming up, anxiety about something bad but highly unlikely happening to me, or if I've upset/hurt someone recently, a feeling of guilt), my thoughts start racing and my mood rapidly spirals downhill. It usually gets to the point where I start considering methods of suicide in depth, but I never have the means to carry any of them out and even when I do, I just wimp out and just sit there thinking about it for what seems like forever. Depending on the particular thought/stimuli that triggered the episode, sometimes I even become slightly paranoid and worry that certain people know more than I want them to. Eventually when my mind becomes occupied by something else (which usually requires somebody else intervening, because my motivation to do anything goes out the window), I forget about it and go back to being apathetic or slightly happy (depending on what kind of distraction made me snap out of it).

The scary thing is, it doesn't take much to trigger it. As long as I'm on my own, bored, and not intoxicated, the smallest negative thought could set me off. Sometimes I can even have multiple of them a day.

I looked up various conditions, and I couldn't find any that exactly fit my description, but the ones that raised red flags for me were Borderline Personality, Bipolar and Schizoaffective. I fit into most of the symptoms of Borderline Personality, but I know people with it and you can tell there's something up with them just from their behaviour and interactions, whereas the only unusual behaviour I show when I'm in one of these episodes is irritability. I also know people with bipolar, and their mood doesn't change as rapidly as mine, and their mood swings are far more extreme than anything I've had. Schizoaffective seems unlikely as well, as I've never had any of the psychotic symptoms beyond a little paranoia.

After doing a bit of research, I do know that I could definitely have ADD. I fit into all of the criteria that the DSM lists, and thinking about it, I have done since I was a child. I didn't consider it before because I am capable of concentrating on certain things, but usually only because the alternative is doing something that triggers SA or because I have nothing else to do. I don't know if ADD can cause mood instability or if it has a factor in it, but I thought it could be relevant.

Does anyone have any thoughts on my situation?

I would leave the official diagnosis to a professional as you could have the hypchondriasis feature of anxiety. Anxiety causes mood swings, for sure.

[Duke of Prunes]

I'm not a hypochondriac, it just doesn't seem very characteristic of SA in my experience to have such wild depressive episodes out of nowhere. This feels like something else entirely.

[Nathalest]

Originally Posted by Duke of Prunes

I'm not a hypochondriac, it just doesn't seem very characteristic of SA in my experience to have such wild depressive episodes out of nowhere. This feels like something else entirely.

I've also had mood swings, and from general anxiety I started obsessing about things like BPD and the like. But I know I don't have those things because sometimes my mood is normal for days, whereas people with BPD are by the very definition of a personality disorder locked into a pattern of behavior. Likely you are just having bad anxiety; seeing a professional is a good idea, but I've had the same problems and they do go away if you put some effort towards it, or distract yourself from it. That alone shows that it's anxiety and not a condition.

On a side note, do you have episodes of hyperactivity? I tend to get batches of those when my stress level is particularly high (anxiety almost goes entirely away, excessive energy, can't stop moving, talk quickly, etc.)

[little_miss]

I can relate. As soon as I start to have negative thoughts or I am anxious, I end up having a mini-depressive episode where I start to think of suicide and just feel horrible. Theses can last minutes, to an hour or a couple of hours. Remove the stimuli and my mood is normal.