I have decided to experiment with sleep paralysis to get over my fear. I've done some fairly extensive research on the causes, and have attempted to induce it three times in the past two days.
In the first attempt, i saw "hypnagogic shapes," indistinct shapes in the dark of my eyelids, but nothing more.
In the second, i fell asleep. This was refreshing as i have had difficulty sleeping the past few weeks, but yielded no lucid dreams. The funny part is that just before waking, i dreamt of SAS and was actually looking at text, which is one the triggers i have used in the past to know i was dreaming. I even thought to myself how odd it seemed. Fail. :P
I completed the third try a few minutes ago, as i have been very tired and drifty all day, even with the nap. I used a new method which i learned from a lucid dreaming tutorial, involving finger-tapping.
My body began to freeze up, in a surge, and my fingers were no longer able to tap. I felt uneasy, and tried to focus on my own strength and power to avoid the fear. Then, unexpectedly, i felt my upper body begin to lift. I had been anticipating a crushing power on my chest/lungs.
It was so unprepared for, i squinted my face and came back to full consciousness right away. :/
In hindsight, it's reassuring that at least that part works.
My mother tells me I am a bird, but when she says I am a bird she means the whole world is my cage.
So therefore, I dedicate myself to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being.