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Old 03-18-2007, 03:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Obsessed with people?

I'm going to sound like a total freak, but I'm wondering if anyone here can relate to this.

Do you ever become obsessed with a certain individual, not necessarily in a romantic way, but just someone you like and you think about them ALL the time? Do you feel depressed and wish you could just be in their presence? Do you envy their family and friends, the people who are close to them and get to see them all the time?

I go through these phases where I'll have a particular person on my mind for what seems like every waking moment of the day. I'll be sitting around the house on a Saturday afternoon and think 'I wonder what so-and-so is doing right now.' I'll be watching a movie and think 'I wonder if so-and-so has ever seen this movie.' I'll hear or read a news story and think 'I wonder if so-and-so has heard about this.' I'll go to a store or a restaurant and think 'I wonder if so-and-so has ever been here.' Or when I go out I think it would be cool (yet nervewracking) if I happened to bump into that person.

Even when I'm in the company of other people I'll still have that person on my mind. From my experience there have been only two ways to get over an obsession: 1. A very lengthy period of time has gone by in which I haven't seen them and I know I'm never going to see them again. 2. Someone new happens to comes along who grabs my interest and becomes my new obsession (which of course doesn't even solve the problem... it's just a new person, same obsessive thinking, same pain.) It's really depressing and draining to be thinking about someone so much. At times I actually resent the person for "invading my mind" so to speak, while they probably never have a moment's thought about me.

Advice such as "Get to know the person better. Invite them to hang out some time." wouldn't even be helpful because the funny thing is my obsessions are usually with people I can't be friends with. For example, I was once obsessed with my dentist. Another time I was obsessed with a married man where I was working (and his wife worked there too.) I'm guessing it's a psychological thing of wanting what I can't have.

Is this something only lonely people with few or no friends deal with? Can someone with tons of friends who is never alone be obsessed with someone?

I apologize for my long, freakish rambling. I'm just hoping someone here understands me.
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Old 03-18-2007, 03:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

I think I understand this ShyViolet. Pia Mellody's books "The intimacy factor" and "Facing love addiction" might apply to what you are talking about.

What the basic ideas in the book is either you're a love addict or love avoidant if you are displaying addictive relationship behaviour:
a. love addicts received too little attention and love as a child and
b. love avoidants were given too much responsibility as a child.
The love addict attracts love avoidant personalities because it feels familiar to the lack of warmth/attention they received as a child.
Love avoidants attract love addicts as it feels familiar to be around someone needy and they put up a wall to you because they are wary of becoming engulfed like their parents did to them in childhood.

Sorry if I'm way off the mark but I hope it will help. Pia Mellody's books are interesting anyway as they outline ways of recovery and healthy relationships.
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Old 03-18-2007, 06:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

I relate very well. For me its an infatuation. There's never been a point in my life where I wasn't infatuated with someone. I only get obsessed with people whom there is no chance of getting involved with, or whom I know it would be unhealthy. So I would be a love avoidant type. It makes sense because of the way I grew up.
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Old 03-19-2007, 12:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

Thanks for the replies. I'll have to check out those books some time. They sound very interesting. I guess I'm a love avoidant type too. I wonder if being bullied as a child has anything to do with it.
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Old 03-19-2007, 06:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Mm-hmm, it happens to me most times I make a friend (online, that is... I don't get to make friends in the real world). I think I already told you about one female friend who I became infatuated with and it drove me crazy and I had to stay away from her.

It's scary, because it's so close to what a stalker would be like. I wouldn't ever go as far as a stalker. But I bet it's the same beginnings of thoughts.

These poor girls who befriend me... then I get way too attached to them, just because they befriended me. I start to obsess over everything they say and do, reading deep things into their casual conversation. Of course when I do that, nearly everything they say has the potential to upset me, even if it's nothing to do with me (especially when it's nothing to do with me... it means she's not thinking of me!). I get so jealous of her other male friends, and how they make her laugh and make her happy, when I can't because I'm a humourless depressive.

It's not even a sexual or romantic thing... there's no way a relationship could happen. Deep down I probably wouldn't be compatible with them anyway. It's purely because she gave me the time of day. One little taste of her attention, and she's my new obsession.

I start to track when she's online in various places, staying hidden myself. I track her public comments, and make note of who she's befriending (often disliking who she befriends... "They'll be a bad influence on her, they'll corrupt her, they'll make her happy and take her away from me..."). Stuff like that. Like I said... it's the beginnings of stalking.

It's pathetic because I have no idea what grown adult relationships are like. Perhaps I'm like this because I haven't had real fulfilling friendships. I attach myself way to seriously to people who give me a slight chance.
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Old 03-20-2007, 04:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

I'm obsessed with a ton of people, but I was extremly close to all of them in the past. I "stalk" them online. Have actually found out alot about them this way. I'd probably make a good PI....every single person whos ever been in my life in any way (even online, tho then only if I've become good friends with them) I've googled before and looked up on various sites. I can't stand to not know whats happening in their lifes now and whether of not their happy (some I wish the best for, others I hope their miserable). Except for 1 person, I've found at least a little bit of info on everyone. Including newsgroup postings, hot or not, my space, etc profiles of people, dating site profiles, online journals, etc. I'm so good at it I should open up a service . Some of it does take alot of patience though, sure finding someones myspace is easy, hotornot or dating sites, you need to know keywords and stuff to search for and scour through other profiles before finding them. Needless to say stalking someone takes lots of patience
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Old 03-20-2007, 10:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

i think im a love addict .
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Old 03-22-2007, 03:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

I think I know what you're going through with that.


Whatever the moment of connection, I start to think of that person. I'm afraid that I'm creepy to certain people because of it, and it causes me to avoid them.
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Old 04-08-2007, 09:33 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

.
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Old 04-18-2007, 11:25 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Obsessed with people?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyViolet
I go through these phases where I'll have a particular person on my mind for what seems like every waking moment of the day.
Wow, I seriously do that too. I thought I was alone! It's always people I'll never see, like once I was obsessed with my English professor from a few years ago. I'd always hope to see him in public places and stuff.

Quote:
At times I actually resent the person for "invading my mind" so to speak, while they probably never have a moment's thought about me.
I have those kinds of thoughts as well! I seriously say things like "Ugh, so-and-so, just get out of my mind!"
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Old 04-18-2007, 11:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

I've been going through that lately, it's so annoying to think about someone so much. Then a part of me will want to reach out to the person, but I know he's a piece of **** and I shouldn't bother so I talk myself out of it. It just hurts.
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Old 04-20-2007, 12:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Obsessed with people?

Thank god I'm not the only one..
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Old 04-24-2007, 04:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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deleting all my posts. kthxbye.
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:39 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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i know its really late but i feel exactly the same and i have no idea why. I become obsessed with people that i could never get to know better or that I have met for a brief period but will never see them again..
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Yes, a doctor I knew at school (he was not yet a doctor). He is my age. He was better than me at everything. Like you say, it isn't a romantic thing in the least - that would repulse me - but he has made his mark in the world. He has done the hard work - now, if he chooses, he can just coast along until a happy and prosperous retirement. Knowing him, he won't, he'll have greater ambitions, but just knowing I have been stagnating for 10 years makes me feel not only emotionally unwell, but actually physically feel sick.
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Old 06-12-2013, 01:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by blueroses View Post
i know its really late but i feel exactly the same and i have no idea why. I become obsessed with people that i could never get to know better or that I have met for a brief period but will never see them again..
same here. also, sometimes, with people that aren't friendly with me.
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Old 06-13-2013, 12:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I too get obsessed with some people, but typically it's other way around. I tend to idealise and demonize people, but that is also part of my borderline personality disorder.

For instance, there are people who I regard very highly, they might be very pretty and very intelligent but they hurt me in the past.

What I normally do is that I ask myself similar questions.
I wonder what this and that person would think of me if they saw me wearing particular dress.
I wonder what the other person would think of me if they saw me behaving the way I was behaving other day.

In other words, I quite struggle to let go of people who hurt me and I think about them all the time.
I wonder what they are doing, I wonder if we were in touch with me if they would be friendly and I wonder how they feel about me if I ever cross their mind.

I must admit that the more I think about it, the more I loathe of them and what they have done to me.

Sometimes I even get crossed when I think of how I wanted to be their friend but they didn't care a cent.

I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone here...
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Old 06-13-2013, 01:02 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilly View Post
I think I understand this ShyViolet. Pia Mellody's books "The intimacy factor" and "Facing love addiction" might apply to what you are talking about.

What the basic ideas in the book is either you're a love addict or love avoidant if you are displaying addictive relationship behaviour:
a. love addicts received too little attention and love as a child and
b. love avoidants were given too much responsibility as a child.
The love addict attracts love avoidant personalities because it feels familiar to the lack of warmth/attention they received as a child.
Love avoidants attract love addicts as it feels familiar to be around someone needy and they put up a wall to you because they are wary of becoming engulfed like their parents did to them in childhood.

Sorry if I'm way off the mark but I hope it will help. Pia Mellody's books are interesting anyway as they outline ways of recovery and healthy relationships.
You just blew my mind.

This is absolutely spot on for me, and it explains down to a tee how my recently previous relationship played out and inevitably fell apart.

I would be the love addict in this scenario.. as a child my father was often absent working all the time, and although my mum was present she was and is quite emotionally detached. The girl i recently became interested in, her father died when she was very young and she was forced to take on the responsibilities of looking after her younger brothers while her mum worked full time to support them.

So in our case, she was the love avoidant. I became obssessed with her in the way the OP described, always on my mind. While she on the other hand maintained her distance and was very cautious..

I often avoid those who show too much attention to me, when really these are the people i should be getting to know, instead i seek out those who ignore me or show little interest because im familiar with this.. but inevitably i end up becoming hurt.

Every person i've been interested in has been very distant emotionally; in fact the more distant/avoidant they are the more obsessed i become. But those who show me attention i run from or want nothing to do with.. how bizarre.

Thanks for posting that, this really astonished me.

EDIT: And i just realized this was a 5 year bump from 2007.. whoops!
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Old 03-31-2014, 08:39 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janulik85 View Post
I too get obsessed with some people, but typically it's other way around. I tend to idealise and demonize people, but that is also part of my borderline personality disorder.

For instance, there are people who I regard very highly, they might be very pretty and very intelligent but they hurt me in the past.

What I normally do is that I ask myself similar questions.
I wonder what this and that person would think of me if they saw me wearing particular dress.
I wonder what the other person would think of me if they saw me behaving the way I was behaving other day.

In other words, I quite struggle to let go of people who hurt me and I think about them all the time.
I wonder what they are doing, I wonder if we were in touch with me if they would be friendly and I wonder how they feel about me if I ever cross their mind.

I must admit that the more I think about it, the more I loathe of them and what they have done to me.

Sometimes I even get crossed when I think of how I wanted to be their friend but they didn't care a cent.

I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone here...
Its the same with me. I cant stop thinking about someone who had hurt me. I think about it all the time. I even tried getting close to her brother. No one is able to understand me.
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:48 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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This happens to me off & on. I at one time was alone for so long that anyone that even talked to me & sparked my interest I began thinking of things we could talk about in my head or go do together. & like you said, wondering if they have done this, or been in the place you're at at the time. This happened to me when this guy was funny & gave me a lot of attention. It was dumb though cause he was 2 years younger than me & I didn't truly like him. I was just happy for the attention, & even better, a guys attention. He was the first person to truly spark this for me last year or so. It seriously took me what seemed like forever to get over him. I have also had this on & off after this situation. I am glad I found this & learned that im not alone or crazy.
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