I think I understand this ShyViolet. Pia Mellody's books "The intimacy factor" and "Facing love addiction" might apply to what you are talking about.
What the basic ideas in the book is either you're a love addict or love avoidant if you are displaying addictive relationship behaviour:
a. love addicts received too little attention and love as a child and
b. love avoidants were given too much responsibility as a child.
The love addict attracts love avoidant personalities because it feels familiar to the lack of warmth/attention they received as a child.
Love avoidants attract love addicts as it feels familiar to be around someone needy and they put up a wall to you because they are wary of becoming engulfed like their parents did to them in childhood.
Sorry if I'm way off the mark but I hope it will help. Pia Mellody's books are interesting anyway as they outline ways of recovery and healthy relationships.
You just blew my mind.
This is absolutely spot on for me, and it explains down to a tee how my recently previous relationship played out and inevitably fell apart.
I would be the love addict in this scenario.. as a child my father was often absent working all the time, and although my mum was present she was and is quite emotionally detached. The girl i recently became interested in, her father died when she was very young and she was forced to take on the responsibilities of looking after her younger brothers while her mum worked full time to support them.
So in our case, she was the love avoidant. I became obssessed with her in the way the OP described, always on my mind. While she on the other hand maintained her distance and was very cautious..
I often avoid those who show too much attention to me, when really these are the people i should be getting to know, instead i seek out those who ignore me or show little interest because im familiar with this.. but inevitably i end up becoming hurt.
Every person i've been interested in has been very distant emotionally; in fact the more distant/avoidant they are the more obsessed i become. But those who show me attention i run from or want nothing to do with.. how bizarre.
Thanks for posting that, this really astonished me.
EDIT: And i just realized this was a 5 year bump from 2007.. whoops!