SA's about cleared up. Currently dealing with leftover problems, but having a fair amount of trouble finding any information on the problems that I have been having.
I don't know if my feelings are valid or what.
But I've always felt like other people's emotions are generally false, and that people generally only express emotions in order to manipulate others, or because of social obligations. Gah, that sounds terribly cynical, but for some specific examples:
- If someone says they like me, I'll assume that's only because they'll want something from me later on, or because they're trying to boost their own ego by playing nice.
- If my mom says that she wants me to watch tv with her, I'll assume that's only because she wants me to run snack duty, find the remote, etc.
- All my life, I've assumed that married couples didn't love each other, and only got together out of convenience or for sex and reproductive purposes.
I've never really liked or felt very strongly for anyone in particular. I don't seek out the company of others for anything other than practical reasons.
I'm not a psychopath or a sociopath. I didn't drown puppies as a kid, I don't break laws, I possess empathy, and generally attempt to be kind to others. I like people, but not specific ones.
I don't have low self-esteem, but I am kind of paranoid about getting screwed over by the world.
I'm not a narcissist. I do generally find other people annoying on a personal level, but I don't think that I'm better than them intrinsically.
I'm not uncomfortable with intimacy, it's just that I don't experience deep feelings for others or see any meaningful reason for it.
I'm happy the way I am, but I feel like these feelings are going to hold me back and affect my quality of living later on in life. For instance, it's harder to get a good job if you're not friends with the boss. It's more difficult to find an apartment or trustworthy roommates if you don't like anyone in the area, etc, etc.
If you could suggest something that I could read up on in order to help alleviate this, that'd be tops.