you just described what i go through perfectly:
- in the middle of starting to study, go Google "shame-based personality" etc. for the billionth time. see the same pages every time. still can't read them just like i can't read anything else.
- entire weekend filled with anxiety passes-- with me putting everything else on hold, feeling anxious about what i should be doing, only to burn the midnight oil at the last minute
- paralysis, can't open book or look at assignment (i didn't know anyone else had this)
- even doing this list of how i relate was an enormous effort
- i love reading people's responses to me but get exhausted trying to organize words into a response, so i often don't reply and it sux
- stuck on an activity, game, topic, meditation, site (like SAS) and can't break away
- have a terrible time with transitioning, get extremely grumpy and disconcerted when someone else forces me to change my activities
- i have been pre-tested for ADHD and Asperger's. i don't have Asperger's but i do have severe ADD
it sounds like ADD, it sounds like hyperfocus... but you need to get assessed. it's maddening. like you, i have both ADD and OCD, so i don't know if it's the combination that makes it all the worse.
a couple of questions:
a) did you have these problems in childhood?
b) when you try to focus
do you experience especially
provocative or emotionally charged thoughts that prove disruptive? for example, you try to start reading, then you suddenly remember something someone did to you that makes you feel embarrassed or angry?