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Old 04-11-2012, 01:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default I cant look at people in the eyes

Its hard for me to look at people in the eyes even if its my own family members. I just cant look them in the eyes and when i try to I just get a panic attack for trying so hard to do so. When I walk past a stranger outside its hard for me to look at the person and I'm always thinking that the person is thinking I'm weird or scared for doing that. Am I scared?
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Old 04-11-2012, 06:40 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Just look into one eye. If looking into peoples' eyes bothers you, then look at their nose, eyebrows, lips, etc.

I usually just look at a persons lips, or just gaze without looking at any specific feature.
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Old 04-12-2012, 02:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by flapjacker View Post
Just look into one eye. If looking into peoples' eyes bothers you, then look at their nose, eyebrows, lips, etc.

I usually just look at a persons lips, or just gaze without looking at any specific feature.
thats not gona help him. I had that problem too. If you start worrying about where to look and **** and not paying attention to what theyre saying its only gona get worse.
Medication helps alot. Like right now when i talk to people i cudnt tell you where i look cuz i dont know, i just listen to them. It just comes so naturally i never even think about it.
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Old 04-12-2012, 02:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yeah its wierd. When im talking to someone I usually just talk to them sideways :/. Its not just their eyes, its the whole looking at the face. But mainly eye communication. Had this problem since forever, especially during school presentations :/.
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Old 04-12-2012, 07:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I'm the same. On the street (when I have to get out) I miss people I know all the time. This is because I never look at people. I just kept explaining that it was just me thinking and not paying attention so that people don't think I'm ignoring them on purpose. That work actually. So people who I know just call my name and tap me on the shoulder.

It doesn't help though that when I do see somebody I know, I avoid them rather than talk. Unless they are my true friends. Not that I don't like those people who I avoid. I feel ashamed with my situation in life being well technacally a loser if you would ask 'the society'. (In case you are thinking I am exaggerating: no job, no money, no prospective at a good job/carrier. Haven't been educated well. Never had a romantic relationship.)
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:36 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I can't look at people in the eye either. I've been getting better at it, but I can't make eye contact for very long.
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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when u are looking into ppls eyes also focus on the the thoughts that u arr thinking as well. Try to change them into somehing else more positive. I still have difficulty lookig into ppls eyes but now it is gettingbetter for me. Looking inyo ppls eyes shows u have confidence. Do not stare for a realylong time but enough to showthe person how confident of a person u arr
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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The point is not to worry about where to look.. If looking into peoples eyes bothers you then just pick another spot, like their lips. It's less distracting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by borntosuffer View Post
thats not gona help him. I had that problem too. If you start worrying about where to look and **** and not paying attention to what theyre saying its only gona get worse.
Medication helps alot. Like right now when i talk to people i cudnt tell you where i look cuz i dont know, i just listen to them. It just comes so naturally i never even think about it.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Just imagine those eyes you're gazing/staring/looking upon are just your own reflection viewing oneself. Like you're your own soul staring at yourself in another body.
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Old 04-14-2012, 03:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by TmastermanT View Post
Its hard for me to look at people in the eyes even if its my own family members. Am I scared?
Perhaps scared of being judged?? I know that's what makes eye contact difficult for me.

Getting lost in the conversation is the only thing that cures the problem for me. As soon as I start thinking about eye contact, I lose it.

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Just look into one eye.
I do that sometimes - and sometimes the other person becomes aware that I'm staring at one of their eyes, and then they get uncomfortable. Or, they stare back at one of my eyes, and I imagine that they think I'm weird.
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Old 04-14-2012, 03:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by TmastermanT View Post
Yeah its wierd. When im talking to someone I usually just talk to them sideways :/. Its not just their eyes, its the whole looking at the face. But mainly eye communication. Had this problem since forever, especially during school presentations :/.
Ironically I have an easier time of this during presentations. That is, when I'm not alone in presenting. I can't get up in front of a crowd by myself to save my life. LOL
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by flapjacker View Post
The point is not to worry about where to look.. If looking into peoples eyes bothers you then just pick another spot, like their lips. It's less distracting.
Don't do the lips, unless you want to make out with them.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:28 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I have the same problem; once when I was 7 I heard that "the eyes are the window to the soul" and haven't been able to look someone in the eyes since (it makes me feel all anxious and uncomfortable)...
I'm a tad OCD... I think your best bet would to be, much like flapjacker said, to look at just below or just above their eyes (I tried looking at the nose/ mouth/ forehead, but everyone kept asking if they had something wrong with that spot)
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I'm the same way, even with family. Eyes are so powerful.

I get paniced and anxious in seconds when I do as well. What is the cure?
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Old 04-15-2012, 05:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Eye contact is one of the strongest ways of connecting two beings. It shows that the people involved are mutually acknowledging one another on a social basis, and for that reason it's that much harder for people with SA to look people straight in the eyes. I find I can't even look people in the face anymore or even at their bodies (unless I let my mind drift elsewhere, but that compromises attention). I can't look at my pets in the eyes either, but I think that's because I read once that staring a cat straight in the eyes is a threat in cat lingo.

I try to force myself in small increments to improve by starting with facing their body and gradually progressing to above their shoulders. If all goes well I'll try the eyes. This doesn't all have to be in one sitting. It can be as slow as you need it to be.
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Old 04-15-2012, 05:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Mee too.. i dont like looking into peoples eyes, i just cant do it
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Old 04-16-2012, 08:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I can look but it's weird... I worry about looking at them too long or not long enough and then it makes me extremely nervous and I can't look anymore. Thankfully my family is use to it and don't expect me to look at them when we talk but I still worry about being in public and having to look at people. The only thing that has helped me so far is having something else to look at like a cell phone, magazine, or signs/posters near by. It gives you an excuse not to look at the person as much as you normally would. Just throw in a few glances so they don't think you are being rude and your set
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Old 04-16-2012, 09:07 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Don't do the lips, unless you want to make out with them.
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Old 04-16-2012, 09:26 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I used to have a problem with this, but it's ok now, looking people in the eyes actually makes me feel more comfortable with that person now for some reason.
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:47 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Yep! I have a hard time looking at other people's eye when talking, even to my younger sister, older sister, and to my older brother. I usually stare/focus at blank spaces and people would look at the blank space I'm looking at and look at me with a confused "wtf you staring/looking at?" face. They find me weird I rarely even look at people's face when they're trying to start a small talk. SA sucks.
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