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How to not judge others

4K views 14 replies 9 participants last post by  Ghost in the Shell 
#1 ·
A wise man once said, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

This quote sounds a bit odd, but I think it is applicable to my life. You see, I am a very judgmental person. I don't want to be this way - I just am. It might be the person's size/appearance or if they say something dumb...just whatever, I'll probably form a negative opinion. I feel like I am constantly internally criticizing people. I don't let my behaviors show this either - it is all internal thoughts that I don't share.

Meanwhile, while I am busy judging others, I feel like they judge me by the same standards I judge them. It makes me feel very hypocritical. Here I am, thinking all these negative thoughts about imperfect people, but yet I am not perfect....if that makes sense. I'm not sure that it does make sense, but I'm not sure how to say it.

Furthermore, I feel like if I could lower my standard by which I judge people, I think I would be less self conscious as well.



Anyone have any ideas on what to do about this? I'd like to not form such superficial opinions of people so quickly. It is worth noting that I don't like the way that I am, and I want to improve it...I just don't really know how. Any Ideas? :)
 
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#2 ·
A wise man once said, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

This quote sounds a bit odd, but I think it is applicable to my life. You see, I am a very judgmental person. I don't want to be this way - I just am. It might be the person's size/appearance or if they say something dumb...just whatever, I'll probably form a negative opinion. I feel like I am constantly internally criticizing people. I don't let my behaviors show this either - it is all internal thoughts that I don't share.

Meanwhile, while I am busy judging others, I feel like they judge me by the same standards I judge them. It makes me feel very hypocritical. Here I am, thinking all these negative thoughts about imperfect people, but yet I am not perfect....if that makes sense. I'm not sure that it does make sense, but I'm not sure how to say it.

Furthermore, I feel like if I could lower my standard by which I judge people, I think I would be less self conscious as well.

Anyone have any ideas on what to do about this? I'd like to not form such superficial opinions of people so quickly. It is worth noting that I don't like the way that I am, and I want to improve it...I just don't really know how. Any Ideas? :)
Very good job! it is exactly as you stated. You project every little bit of you to the "external". We all have the choice to judge every bit of everything that comes into our awareness, it doesn't change what it is, but what does change is the way you live it. Once we quiet down the judgements and just live, just be, we will be happier...if you want to that is;)
 
#3 · (Edited)
You project every little bit of you to the "external".
I don't think I understand this. Could you reiterate for me?

Once we quiet down the judgements and just live, just be, we will be happier...if you want to that is;)
The question I have is how to do it. I want to, but...is it possible to change such an integral part of yourself?
 
#4 ·
I try to look at the goodness in everyone.

It's like treasure hunt, but if you look close enough, everyone has a little something inside them that makes them, well... I hesitate to say this, beautiful. Gosh, I sound like Oprah.

Well, anyway, instead of looking at the superficial, why not see if they have anything worthwhile? I used to be like that too (for a short while), until I realized I am applying these same judgment on myself.

And you are doing this, not because it's the right thing to do, but because looking for the best of everyone, their strength, their skills - it's a rare skill. Believe me, a lot of people are blind to others strengths.
 
#5 ·
I try to look at the goodness in everyone.

It's like treasure hunt, but if you look close enough, everyone has a little something inside them that makes them, well... I hesitate to say this, beautiful. Gosh, I sound like Oprah.

Well, anyway, instead of looking at the superficial, why not see if they have anything worthwhile? I used to be like that too (for a short while), until I realized I am applying these same judgment on myself.

And you are doing this, not because it's the right thing to do, but because looking for the best of everyone, their strength, their skills - it's a rare skill. Believe me, a lot of people are blind to others strengths.
I think this is a really good suggestion Stanley.

However, a large part of the problem is with people I don't know. For instance a stranger walking around Wallmart.

Perhaps if I start by looking for the good in the people I interact with, in addition to catching myself in the act of criticism (thus stopping it), that could work? I'm curious if you think that'd work, because you were in my shoes at one point.
 
#6 ·
Understanding human behaviour makes me less judgmental. I find diversity interesting so I study people's differences and think about their traits that I find negative to see if their behaviour or whatever I'm judging is understandable.

I don't think I've ever been very judgmental, but lately I have become less so by noticing when I have a critical thought about somebody and then rephrasing it to either make it a positive point about them or at least make it understandable. I also put myself in their position or imagine possible causes I haven't thought of. For example, if someone makes a driving mistake I used to think of them as rude and get kind of annoyed, but I make driving mistakes too and I always feel apologetic about it, so now I just remember that I don't know what position that person is in or whether they care or not, and I can let it go and not judge them.

In terms of judging people on their appearance, I try to differentiate between people's minds and personalities, and their bodies. I also realise that other people have different taste to me and even if I dislike their taste, that doesn't mean it's bad taste and I can dislike it without judging their personalities based on it.
 
#11 ·
Is it judgement of strangers or a defense mechanism to discern who is safe and who isn't?

I know for myself I will determine who is trustworthy by first appearance. That could be seen as judgment, but I think it's some survival instinct.

Now if you are still judging after you get to know people and holding them to higher standards than yourself........ or criticizing their faults.........well, yeah maybe that's no longer a defense.

Personally, I get very upset when people judge me and have come across judgmental people who have really hurt me. But then I've had to ask myself, in judging that they are judgmental, does that make me also judgmental ...... yes it does.

I'm working on this also. It sounds like you've been given some good advice.

I went to a workshop once on handling "difficult" people. The speaker said that people do not try to be difficult or mean. They usually have the same goal you do, but go about solving it or attaining it in a different way.

So if you see people who you deem "wrong" as just someone who solves problems in a different way, this re-framing may help you to be more open-minded and accepting of their behavior. It's helped me not judge them, but see them merely as one who solves problems differently. No right or wrong.
 
#12 ·
dear!
I'm exactly the same way and it always hurts me .I really don't like the way I am ,and for years I was looking for a way to get rid of the feeling of others judging me ,which made me so uncomfortable wherever I go. So I always was caught in imaginary thoughts and feelings which not only helped me but also took the best of me and my positiveness. Life for sure would be much easier without that attitude. I"m trying to be just an "observer' and keep that in mind that I'm not eligible to judge them I'm convincing myself in the way that there are lots of things that I might not be aware of in people's life, their appearance and what they say or react. Because I myself personally am victim of people's judgments, especially regarding to cases that made me look exactly the way I was not. Life's full of paradox and I try to come out of my personality sometimes and see the world from a totally different point of view. I try to distract myself when I face something really suitable for judging. It's hard to do and requires a lot of practice and time as well. But achievable! Hopefully your kindness and the fact that you are aware of this point and you admit it's wrong will help you manage to become what you really want to be. I wish the same for me too
 
#13 ·
I was the same way too!!! And I read somewhere that the first step is to stop judging yourself... then judging others will go away too...

In the spirit of this conversation. The concept of projecting yourself to the external...

Wrap your head around this: When you dream of people, the way they look and behave in your dreams is YOUR interpretation of them. Therefore a judgement. When you stop dreaming of people and more of yourself, then you stopped judging people...
 
#14 ·
Wow I can really relate to this. I find myself judging uncontrollably. I don't have hateful thoughts about individual people, but I do about humanity as a whole. When I'm in a completely quiet mood, and I don't want to talk to anyone, I start worrying that they're secretly judging me and hating me, but not saying anything about it. I've wondered if it's just really a reflection of my own judgmental attitude and self-hate.
 
#15 ·
It depends really. I judge people as well. It's a part of us introverts who analyze everything in our heads. But in the end i nearly always come to a conclussion that what i'm doing is not nice and that i shouldn't be judgin that person because of what he or she is. And that helps to overcome phobia over certain types of people most tend to just avoid because of who they are. I'm not sure how i project that into real world, but i always tend to do it in a nice positive way. One thing is imo processing in your head only and another when you are all nice around that person and then you mock him or her behind their back with another person, laughing and commenting...
 
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