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Old 08-26-2011, 03:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Getting emotionally attached to people too easily

I've had this problem for a while and it's gotten even worse. Any person I meet at some sort of 1 off event and I 'click' with them/ they show me some sort of affection, I start to get clingy towards them. Even worse, sometimes I obsess over them even though I'll probably never see them again, and can feel depressed, lonely and anxious for days on end about it.

E.g The first time I met my brother's girlfriend, after 3 days of her staying with me and my brother, I immediately developed some sort of attachment towards her and haven't been able to get rid of it since. As soon as she left, I felt lonely and depressed the following days again. I do weird things like keep mementos to remind me of the people I met and got attached to. With her, I kept smelling this t-shirt of mine I let her borrow once she had gone, because the scent of her perfume was still on there.

Long story short, the other day she said for certain she wants to move abroad and emigrate (likely permanently), regardless of whether my brother choses to move with her.

This has had me feeling extremely down these past days, I haven't even known her for a year, I don't understand why I care so much (I've not exactly fallen for her or anything, I want her to be with my brother, I've just developed a strong attachment) . I'm paranoid and extremely anxious she'll break up with my brother because he won't move with her, emigrate and I'll never see her again. I'm worrying about their relationship like it's my parents getting a divorce or something

Sorry for the long wall of text, this has never left my thoughts this past week, I needed to let it out somewhere. I've been sad and felt really low simply over this, makes me feel like I'm really not normal, anyone else had similar experiences to getting attached to people quickly? I feel kind of stupid. i'm 18, my brother is 29, his girlfriend is 26 btw
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Old 08-26-2011, 04:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I do get emotionally attached to people too quickly. Maybe its the lack of attention I've received from non-related people since developing GAD and depression? Either way, just know you're not alone. I almost always end up being more attached to someone than they are to me. I think I'm so excited someone is interested in me that I subconsciously attach. It sucks immensely....especially when it happens involuntarily.
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Old 08-26-2011, 09:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I've always been like this because I've never had any real close friends my whole life.And I feel stupid and pathetic about how quickly I get attached to people.
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Old 08-26-2011, 10:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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All the time. Anyone that's nice to me and actually makes an effort to talk to me without trying to get anything from me, it happens.

Pretty much what AshCash said. Since my troubles I've really only had one friend, since I was with him and some other people in a carpool to college classes and we both got into Rubik's Cubes eventually. Now we're both kind of done with that and I feel like we don't have much in common anymore. He has a girlfriend now and some other friends and can at least talk to people... I feel like he'll get tired of me and sick of always having to call me and not vice versa and I'll be alone.
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Old 08-27-2011, 10:12 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I do this, too. Anyone who's nice to me, I immediately want them to be my friend forever. I used to act on this, essentially stalking people in order to spend time with them. I'm ashamed of that now and have generally kept to myself unless others indicate they'd like to spend time with me. When I start to get signals to go away, I slink off to hate myself.
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Old 08-27-2011, 07:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for starting this thread. This is something that I deal with a lot. Whether it's a day-long event where I meet someone or sometimes if I get caught in small talk with a stranger at a store, my mind wanders into "is this it? is this the best friend I've been looking for all these years?" Before I know it, the other person has bid me farewell and I never see him/her again. Not to sound overdramatic, but many don't understand how devastating that is to SA/depression sufferers.
Those quick moments that appear in what seems to be another boring day can actually make my day, only to bring me back to square one. I can't tell you how fast my thought processes are during that short amount of time. There's an odd state of bliss and hope, that idea of "i'm actually talking to someone! I'm normal!" that sure makes for a good confidence boost.
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Old 08-27-2011, 07:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Yes, thank you for starting this thread. I feel this all the time, except for me, I don't feel like it happens quickly, but I do feel like I get much more attached to certain people than they do to me. I make some friends and then I feel like they just don't want me around anymore. I have a roommate who I got along with so well for a while, but I feel like he just gets bugged with me most of the time I'm around. I get sad whenever he leaves to go home or to hang out with other friends. Occasionally he'll invite me to hang out with them, but most of the time I tell him I can't or don't want to. I don't tell him it's because I get anxious. Then he seems to get sick of inviting me to do things because I always turn him down and then I feel like a horrible friend because he thinks I don't want to hang out with him. Then I feel left out and I make sure I'm gone when he gets back and I don't return to the apartment until he's in bed because I don't want him to see me. I feel like I do that because I want him to feel alone and left out when I'm gone, much like I do when he's gone. I just want him to relate with me, you know? He's my best friend. I've known him for years, but I don't think he considers me to be his best friend. I've never been nearly as close with any friend as I am with him, so it's just sad when I feel like he doesn't want me around. Anyway, yeah, it sucks. I feel bad for you and that you feel like your brother's girlfriend is leaving a sort of hole in your life. It sounds like a horrible feeling. I usually do some vigorous exercise to forget about things like that. It never makes me forget completely, but it usually helps me to cope so I'm not overly obsessed about those things.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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*deep sigh* I always felt alone on this, always thinking I must be psycho for being so easily attached to people. I had always been like this, and never realized so until last year.

The reason I'm so easily attached to people is because I never really received any love or affection growing up. Parents always pushed me away whenever I wanted to hug/kiss or talk to them. Every new friend I made yrs ago, I constantly wanted to play with them during recess and if I saw they were playing with other kids instead, I would just go into emo status.

Today I try not to be so attached because it does scare some people away. It's like WOAH!! EASY THERE! I try to put myself in their shoes.

Think about it - maybe it's hard to think this actually if you have SAD pretty bad but just bare with me hehe. If someone you're friends with suddenly became RIDICULOUSLY attached to you and has to rely on you for literally everything, how would you feel? (pretend SAD isn't getting in the way). Maybe my case is worse than everyone's, who knows.. but whenever someone I care about hangs with other people instead of me all the time, I get emotional. It's so sad. And I know for a fact that if someone was like that with me, I'd for sure be pretty darn irritated and want them to leave me alone. (Actually, I've dealt with someone like that before, it was creepy).

But ya... I know how this issue goes. I try to cope with it better, calm myself down since I get terribly anxious over someone chilling with others instead of me sometimes...I just keep in mind that everyone has a life. You can't be part of it 24/7 really.
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Yeah I would get clingy too if i met someone and to me it 'seemed' like we really hit off. Then when I realized that she either didn't want to talk to me anymore or she had a boyfriend, that would put me in a huge slump
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Old 08-29-2011, 07:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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All the time. It's usually whenever I meet a friend's friend for the first time. All it takes is for the person to be nice to me and then I end up adding them on Facebook that night and trying to be their friend.

The worst part is always when our mutual friend say to me, "stop creeping him out, (s)he's my friend, not yours" and that's when I realise how sad I act.
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.

It's really, really sad but I have no clue how to stop it. I've personally pegged it to my need for love and attention, since I don't give it to myself, I'm constantly looking for others to fill that void, and when anyone is nice to me or shows signs of being a nice person, I'm instantly attracted to them and want to get to know them better.

It's so odd, but it happens to me almost daily. It's very annoying, though and I wish I could stop it but I'm not sure how.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:47 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReincarnatedRose View Post
I do this way too often myself, even online...with people I have just met or even celebrities on Twitter or Facebook who randomly show signs of interest in me.

It's really, really sad but I have no clue how to stop it. I've personally pegged it to my need for love and attention, since I don't give it to myself, I'm constantly looking for others to fill that void, and when anyone is nice to me or shows signs of being a nice person, I'm instantly attracted to them and want to get to know them better.

It's so odd, but it happens to me almost daily. It's very annoying, though and I wish I could stop it but I'm not sure how.
Yep, you sort of feel ashamed in a sense - at least I do. You pretty much KNOW that being clingy is bad, especially when you're very well aware that you have no love for yourself. Me.. I start feeling like I'm using people for my own happiness even though I care about others' lives as well :\
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I hate getting too emotionally attached to people because it happens so often with me. So...I distance myself or just hope they feel the same way.

I learned a lot from making those mistakes, and try to control myself more often.
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I agree with reincarnated rose-i think a big part of feeling attachd so quickly is bcuz of not giving the right love and attention to urself-thats sumthng i try to keep in mind more
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Old 09-02-2011, 09:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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This thread made me sad. None of it applies to me, and I actually «hate» people that act like that, but I now realize that your reasons for acting like that might have been also their reasons. I think I'll be more understanding now.
I feel kinda bad now...
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Old 09-02-2011, 10:49 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I have suffered easy emotional attachments in the past. It can still happen to me.

I believe I am emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships. But I can swallow it down alot easier now. An acceptance.

These days it is all about long overdue hugs and emotional understanding that I am starved for.
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Old 09-03-2011, 01:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I don't get emotionally attached per se but I do get kind of excited about the potential for a real friendship. I'm never really sure whether it's okay to call or will I be bugging them. Many people only seem to respond to text messages and never call back.
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Old 09-03-2011, 03:34 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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me too. I think this has a ton to do with the fact that maybe making friends is troubling in your life, as it is in mine, so the people who do become friends, we overvalue them.

In my sophomore year of college, when I FINALLY made friends, I was so excited about them. I was initially considering transferring schools, but then I ended up staying because I was afraid that if I transferred, I may not get the opportunity to have friends as I did that year (I have continuously lost friends over time in high school due to moving 3 times). By the next year, I kept texting my friends to study with me. I made bracelets and CDs for them. I let one of my friends use my old cell phone b/c he was phoneless. I'd let them all copy my homework. IDK. I think I got way too carried away. Some seemed annoyed with me too. Finally, I realized this the entire summer that I was doing too much for my friends, whereas besides me doing favors for them, we didn't even have proper conversations that made me feel happy. I'm going to make it a point this semester to keep a proper distance away from them. Sometimes it's hard, esp when you're in the midst of a social circle after not being one in a long time, but when you get too carried away, that's another story and it ends up being painful to you.
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Old 09-04-2011, 05:21 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Attached in 60 seconds. Marry me after 66.


I used to. I think that it's a sign of extreme loneliness... it was in my case IMHO. Now that I have a few friends I don't get the same strong feelings of attachment anymore. I still get them but they aren't as strong as they used to be.

A few years ago I thought that I was instant best friends with any stranger who had at least one thing in common with me.

If a fellow student spoke to me for more than a minute or looked in my direction and smiled... I thought... Yay. I've found a friend. They must like me cos they are talking to me/looking at me and smiling. We are in the same class so have a lot in common Always felt hurt when the brief encounters didn't turn into life long friendships.
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Old 09-04-2011, 05:26 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boosh View Post
With her, I kept smelling this t-shirt of mine I let her borrow once she had gone, because the scent of her perfume was still on there.
Sure it wasn't the female pheromones she left behind rather than the perfume?
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