Freaked out by the opposite sex

[Hellosunshine]

I know I can’t be alone on this or maybe am I ? Not sure if there’s a disorder of being scared of men lol.

I don’t know where I got this strange hatred/irrational fear of men. I only hate them because I am scared of them. Anyone going through this? I know not all men are bad and there are some great ones our there but everytime I see a guy I think danger lol . I know some of you will ask but no I’ve never been raped or anything like that.

These past three years or so I find myself repulsed by men in general. I can’t find or really recognize any of the good qualities in most men that I have met.I find all men just plain creepy. I’m kinda feeling like all men are dogs who are after one thing. If a guy talks to me let alone looks at me I get very upset. If a guy gives me a compliment I feel offended. If a guy sits next to me in class I usually sit somewhere else the next day. If my friends want to go out and one of them invites a guy I usually back out. Just the other day this guy touched my knee and I felt strangely violated.

Think I could be scarred by something? I don’t know how I’ve developed this. I have stalkers from time to time that scare the **** out of me. Therefore every time I talk to a guy I feel scared for my own safety. I always feel like I’ll be taken to a dark alleyway or be seriously hurt. I have lots of female friends but a few male friends because I simply refuse to talk to them.

There’s some men I can talk to but only because I feel safe with them and I don’t get the perception that they want something from me but then I am usually disappointed because they start to make advances at me which is a big no no.

This point in my life I have to deal with marriage proposals and what not (cultural thing) and I had to sit down with this annoying guy for coffee because my parents thought it was a good idea. Just the sight of him made me want to choke him. I just feel like a piece of meat or something or that men will always take advantage of me.

point blank I don't like to look at them, talk to them, make any contact with them etc. This is a problem folks lol.

[carambola]

I definitely have issues with men, although they aren't really at the forefront of my mind these days and for the most part probably don't affect how I act too much, more often just how I feel.

[Dempsey]

You can't stand to be around men or you just don't like the idea of them coming onto you?

I recall many women here complaining about a fear of men thinking that they like them.

[markx]

Originally Posted by Hellosunshine

Not sure if there’s a disorder of being scared of men

Yes there is, it's called "Androphobia".

[leonardess]

something along these lines that has occured to me lately:

so many members of each sex fearing the other.

Men feel a LOT of pressure to be tough, to put on this persona that quite often, really isn't them. To be the "alpha" male and so forth.

Women see this outer shell and figure, well, that must really be what he's like, that's all there is to him. but I have found that very often, this is just surface. Underneath all that, he is probably just as scared of you as you are of him. Of course, there are plenty of jerks, but you can't always be sure of what's in the book, just by judging the cover.

[drealm]

I'm not trying to assume anything but the only women I've known who were like this were abuse victims.

[N3XT2NON3]

Originally Posted by leonardess

something along these lines that has occured to me lately:

so many members of each sex fearing the other.

Men feel a LOT of pressure to be tough, to put on this persona that quite often, really isn't them. To be the "alpha" male and so forth.

Women see this outer shell and figure, well, that must really be what he's like, that's all there is to him. but I have found that very often, this is just surface. Underneath all that, he is probably just as scared of you as you are of him. Of course, there are plenty of jerks, but you can't always be sure of what's in the book, just by judging the cover.

i've had that problem lately

[christ~in~me]

yea i feel the same way! its not as much hatred as it is a fear though.i actually wrote a thread about it "fear of the opposite sex?"

[Tau Sin]

I think taking the time getting to know someone would help a lot. Personally I have a pretty big fear of women as well, avoident personality that I have and all. But this one night I went to a dinner with a bunch of strangers at a super fancy restaurant (eck!), and I only really knew maybe 4 of the people there. Because the place was so packed and loud I could really only hear a friend and this really cute couple sitting across from us. These two were recently married and I must say that the guys wife was very beautiful (amazing eyes!), but I digress... at first it was extremely awkward for me since I'm so shy and the environment and people were so alien to me but inevitably I had to start talking since they were asking questions, but after awhile of small talk everything got much more easier and less awkward. At the end of the night there was nothing really to fear from that women (plus she was already married anyways so that means she's off the market boo hoo).

I'm not one to preach this but like I said above you have to try to connect to people, even if it's extremely awkward and frightening. Now I just gotta' get over this in everyday places/situations

[leonardess]

Originally Posted by N3XT2NON3

i've had that problem lately

try to resist, and find your true, authentic self.

[Fuzzy Logic]

I'm afraid of women, but for sort of the opposite reasons. Whenever I find myself looking at a pretty girl and she meets my eyes and turn away and feel incredibly guilty, like I have violated or objectified her just by looking at her. I think to myself "a loser like me has no right to look at someone so beautiful". I also feel disgusted with myself I notice a woman has nice breasts or such and feel dirty for having any kind of sexual attraction to them, like I am a filthy animal or something.

[JMX]

I can understand your situation. In our society (and biologically, with most animals), the men take the more dominant role. We are more aggressive, we usually take control of things, and hey, we commit way more crimes than women. With so many reports in the media of kidnapping, rape, abuse, and murder committed by men these days, I understand your fear.

[TheDaffodil]

Originally Posted by JMX

I can understand your situation. In our society (and biologically, with most animals), the men take the more dominant role. We are more aggressive, we usually take control of things, and hey, we commit way more crimes than women. With so many reports in the media of kidnapping, rape, abuse, and murder committed by men these days, I understand your fear.

That's where it comes from for me. Personal experiences have made it hard as well. I can't go places alone because men have followed me in the past. The scariest incident with that was when I was walking home from school and a man pulled up in his car and proceeded to follow me, asking me if I knew where I was going, if I wanted a ride, if I was sure, just over and over and I was so scared, obviously uncomfortable. Just things like that and reading the news and...it makes it really hard for me to be comfortable around guys. I do have really good guy friends though so it's not impossible for me. I need time to adjust to them (being around them physically) and I need to take some control and get to know who they are. Once I get used to a guy, it's really easy for me to trust him and not feel anxious about him.

[JayDontCareEh]

Originally Posted by leonardess

Men feel a LOT of pressure to be tough, to put on this persona that quite often, really isn't them. To be the "alpha" male and so forth.

Women see this outer shell and figure, well, that must really be what he's like, that's all there is to him. but I have found that very often, this is just surface. Underneath all that, he is probably just as scared of you as you are of him. Of course, there are plenty of jerks, but you can't always be sure of what's in the book, just by judging the cover.

I know I do this sometimes without even meaning to.

[filledwithfear1]

Nope, girls just tend not to like me...

[BlueBamboo]

I sort of have this problem... in my case I think I've spent too long reading rants from embittered teenagers/young men on various internet forums, and have started to become suspicious that all men think like they do... they're all slightly misogynistic, they see women as a thing to have sex with and not necessarily a person, they want relationships only for the sex and get annoyed when they have to deal with absolutely anything else, they have no sense of loyalty and will cheat on you without hesitation or remorse and then call you a bitter shrew when you want to end the relationship, they insist women can't be trusted because all they're going to do is marry you and then divorce you to steal your money, they insist that they're entitled to sex from you if they do enough 'nice' things for you, and so on.

It all just gives me the creeps. I really, really hate the thought of being objectified by men, it almost makes me wish I had a burka to hide myself under or something. But then that's just wrapping the object up in packaging. The few male friends I have are not like this and there's a teeny part of my brain that says I'm probably grossly overgeneralizing, but I just see so much evidence to the contrary. A lot of times I almost wish I was a lesbian, so that I could just avoid contact with them instead of having to try to guess which ones are trustworthy and which ones aren't, and deal with the consequences of it when I guess wrong. I've never dated anyone and a lot of times the idea sort of scares me.

[Tau Sin]

Originally Posted by BlueBamboo

I sort of have this problem... in my case I think I've spent too long reading rants from embittered teenagers/young men on various internet forums, and have started to become suspicious that all men think like they do... they're all slightly misogynistic, they see women as a thing to have sex with and not necessarily a person, they want relationships only for the sex and get annoyed when they have to deal with absolutely anything else, they have no sense of loyalty and will cheat on you without hesitation or remorse and then call you a bitter shrew when you want to end the relationship, they insist women can't be trusted because all they're going to do is marry you and then divorce you to steal your money, they insist that they're entitled to sex from you if they do enough 'nice' things for you, and so on.

Don't worry, that kinda' stuff works the same way with women to men as well.

[crazyg]

I feel that way sometimes. I do know some nice guys though. But generally when I meet new guys, I will usually be suspicious. And I also have heard a lot of 'guy talk', so I think it's jaded my attitude towards some men. I feel bad though when I prejudge someone and then find out they are really great; I'm sure it happens more often than I realize.

[zomgz]

aww well i know for sureeee my best friend isn't like that, that's why he's so great! =) unfortunately it's seems like most guys are just in it for the physical part =/ i just want someone who i can hang out with all day and love talking to and yeah!! which i've already found lol =) sometimes i wish i could have like a gigantic sign on myself that says "TAKEN" so girls won't think i want anything from them lol! xD t-shirt? oo i gave myself an idea lmao. =]]

[VIncymon]

Originally Posted by JayDontCareEh

I know I do this sometimes without even meaning to.

That's the problem. On one hand there is this constant, societal pressure to always be sexually assertive. On the other hand, there are the high rape statistics, and people like the O.P. who fear us for that very reason.

So what do you do ?

I think the answer for both the O.P. and us, is to try your best to put away your fear. I hope that at sometime your parents gave you a lecture on sex.

I realize; the longer I live in fear of "appearing to forward" or "acting like a rapist" the less likely I am to EVER get into a sexual encounter, or have a wife.

Its the same for the O.P. The longer you live in total fear of being raped, the less likely you are to ever have children, or find a husband.

Its like those stories, where a character has a near death accident, and after healing, puts all sorts of ridiculous barriers to protect himself. It is only when he begins to take risks again, that he begins to live.

Try not to fear us. We're only human Good luck.