Social Anxiety Support

Lesley · 07-01-2009, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redefine

OMG I'm totally self-conscious about this. It's one of my biggest problems. My face is always tense, I can't stand it.

I understand exactly how you feel, seriously
it sucks

Just Lurking · 07-01-2009, 09:31 PM

Apparently my neutral expression is quite serious-looking. Depending on where I am or who I'm with, I'll sometimes consciously lighten it up a bit (unfurrow the eyebrows, put on a slight smile)...

jollybeans · 07-01-2009, 10:03 PM

People tell me i look pissed off and like i want to kill them. this is strange because im usually in a good mood

Pelicanbay · 07-02-2009, 12:55 AM

yeah i get that here and there too...but most of the time im not mad at all, i like to smile alot, i like to joke around alot but when noone is talking to me i can get like that, i dont mean to

gold132 · 07-02-2009, 08:23 PM

Sometimes i'm afraid to look at windows incase i see that i have an angry expresion in public and i find it hard to look at my face in the mirror when i'm at the barbers as often my face looks angry.

Does anyone have any tips on how to change your public expression. Is it as simple as practicing in the mirror for a while? but you can't really recreate how you'd feel in public

I hate not knowing what my expression is like in public

lovinlea · 07-02-2009, 09:14 PM

this is weird... i didn't know this was part of it. when i'm walking, i get a lot of "what's wrong? are you okay?" i have no idea that i'm making my face up.

just recently, a friend of a friend (so i don't really know her) said "don't scowl like that. you're going to scare people off." i guess i have angry face most of the time.

lovinlea · 07-02-2009, 09:15 PM

now that i'm aware of it, whenever i feel my face tensing, i smile if no one is looking at me. that relaxes it.

PolarBear · 07-03-2009, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solo

Do u look angry even when u're not? My biggest SA issue is that I look angry all the time so I send the wrong non-verbal messages. When I try to smile I end up looking crazy or looking super angry LOL No matter how much I try to smile it doesn't work. It seems to backfire and get worse when I try smiling. I do ok when smiling for pics but most of the time I tense up around people. I seem to do better in real life around SA people. When I'm genuinely happy I smile w/out realizing it. Does anyone else have issues w/ this? BTW it's not "all in my head". I've had people comment on it.

Personally i feel like i'm extremely intimidating to other people, and i think this is so because a i NEVER get smiles or anything from people when i'm out and about at the mall or whatever. I don't know exactly why this is.

It could be because i have a mean looking face (not even sure if i have one), could be because i'm good looking, or because i'm ugly, or because i'm a fairly large guy (not fat, i just have that kind of a body structure), or maybe because i tend to let my hair grow long, or possibly some random combination of the above.

I really have no idea.

Faded Lines · 07-03-2009, 09:33 AM

People tell me all the time I look like a serial killer, or like I want to blow up the entire party. When they say that, I give a creepy smile.

What's weird is that I love it. My personality kind of fits my facial expression, and people know I am just morbidly humorous and nobody has complained really so nobody takes it seriously.

ItemEleven · 07-03-2009, 10:43 AM

I look bored/sad.

Skeeter · 07-03-2009, 11:26 AM

Yeah, and a big part of it is my eyes.

I have strabismus (crosseye) and I've had many surgeries to try to correct it. Cosmetically I don't look TOO bad, but unfortunately the doctors were never able to fine-tune my eyes so that they see things as they should. I have double vision if I try to look though both eyes at the same time, like normal people do. Further, those images are misaligned. One is higher than the other like 2 cameras that are not quite pointing at the same spot ("divergent"). At this point, there is no correction for my degree of divergence given my surgical history. But if I were a child now and just beginning treatment, there would be tons of options. The technology just wasn't there 40 years ago like it is today.

So, I unconsciously adapted to using only one eye at a time, and quickly shifting back and forth in order to simulate normal stereoscopic vision and depth perception. The big problem is that the divergent eye (my right) is very sensitive to bright glaring light, and I squint-- but only that eye. The left eye (the straighter one) isn't so bad unless I look sharply right-- then that one squints to block out confusing double images. I see just fine in terms of visual acuity (20/20). I just see 2 of everything. Thus, I often look angry because I'm squinting and my face might be somewhat "squoonched" because I'm trying to process what I'm seeing.

The thing is, the times when I'm squoonched up are the times when I'm most intently "focused" (literally and figuratively) on the person or thing that's in front of me... those are the times when you have me so enraptured in your story, or attentive to what you're saying. People take that the wrong way and they think I'm stonewalling or getting angry or something. I think it also sort of repels people, because they see my unintended facial expression and they don't understand that it's because of a vision "problem".

We've tried glasses with prism correction in order to help straighten the divergent eye. Remember how we played with prisms as kids and made rainbows, and watched as the prism made things appear to change positions? Well, we got the divergence corrected fairly well, but the rainbow effect was far too pronounced at the strength I needed to get that degree of straightening. I saw "rainbows" around anything I looked at in bright light. Even the sunglasses gave me rainbows. And headaches.

Adding to the angry appearance, I have permanent brow creases from all my years of squinting. I'm to the point of having plastic surgery or Botox to fix that, but unless the squint is fixed the creases will return.

ShinAkuma · 07-03-2009, 01:15 PM

I look piss off, sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not

tutliputli · 07-03-2009, 01:18 PM

I've been told I look serious, over-sensitive, startled, pensive, sad, and bored, by various people. I'm not sure about angry, I always try to maintain a neutral expression which in reality might make me look pissed off. I get a lot of 'cheer up love, it might never happen' type-comments, which is really irritating.

xlb123 · 07-03-2009, 11:17 PM

LOL, story of my life. I always get asked "what's wrong?" or "why are you angry?" And I reply uhh... I'm fine. Well, not really. I realize I make the angry face when I feel self-conscious, which is pretty much every time I go out.

Ubik · 07-05-2009, 04:38 PM

I solved it long time ago by substituting the neutral face for a small, stupid, cynic and ever present smile that is now my standardized facial reply to almost every social interaction. The problem is when I can´t hold the smile. And sometimes I can´t... Then my face can get really bizarre quick nervous changes of expressions (no tics so far though...

Well, maybe not for long..)

Miss T · 07-06-2009, 06:12 PM

People tell me my neutral face looks sad, so I often get the "Oh cheer up, it can't be that mad". Some people say I always have a serious look on my face.

Catching Fire · 07-06-2009, 06:48 PM

I think my neutral face looks sad or emotionless.

Holly Short · 07-06-2009, 11:13 PM

I don't look angry; I just look sad and lost. People are always asking me what the matter is, and saying I look confused.

radames · 07-06-2009, 11:18 PM

I look very stern and emotionless a lot of times. Pretty much like I could care less about someone even if they did the craziest thing in the world right in front of me. Sure, if it is funny I may crack a smile, but other than that I am pretty rock solid in seriousness.

arntk519 · 07-07-2009, 08:21 PM

My mom and friends of mine and family members have been telling me that for years. Sometimes they come up to me and say "are you ok?" and then they tell me I either look like I'm angry or sad.

07-01-2009, 09:31 PM	#42 (permalink)
Just Lurking Status: Student.. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 2,842	Apparently my neutral expression is quite serious-looking. Depending on where I am or who I'm with, I'll sometimes consciously lighten it up a bit (unfurrow the eyebrows, put on a slight smile)... __________________ "The psychiatrist says, 'I think you're crazy.' The man says, 'I want a second opinion.' The psychiatrist says, 'Okay, you're ugly, too!'" ~Henny Youngman

07-01-2009, 10:03 PM	#43 (permalink)
jollybeans Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: bIG APPLE Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 202	People tell me i look pissed off and like i want to kill them. this is strange because im usually in a good mood __________________ I built up a world of magic Because my real life is tragic

07-03-2009, 01:18 PM	#53 (permalink)
tutliputli Status: electric lady Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 531	I've been told I look serious, over-sensitive, startled, pensive, sad, and bored, by various people. I'm not sure about angry, I always try to maintain a neutral expression which in reality might make me look pissed off. I get a lot of 'cheer up love, it might never happen' type-comments, which is really irritating. __________________ Why leave me hanging on a star when you deem me so high?

07-06-2009, 06:48 PM	#57 (permalink)
Catching Fire Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 442	I think my neutral face looks sad or emotionless. __________________ No chains on my feet but Im not free- Bob Marley

07-06-2009, 11:18 PM	#59 (permalink)
radames Status: Full circle, new highway Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Neenah, WI Gender: Male Posts: 253	I look very stern and emotionless a lot of times. Pretty much like I could care less about someone even if they did the craziest thing in the world right in front of me. Sure, if it is funny I may crack a smile, but other than that I am pretty rock solid in seriousness. __________________ What will happen on December 21, 2012? Tick - Tick - Tick - Splat!

07-02-2009, 12:55 AM	#44 (permalink)
Pelicanbay Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 153	yeah i get that here and there too...but most of the time im not mad at all, i like to smile alot, i like to joke around alot but when noone is talking to me i can get like that, i dont mean to

07-02-2009, 08:23 PM	#45 (permalink)
gold132 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 149	Sometimes i'm afraid to look at windows incase i see that i have an angry expresion in public and i find it hard to look at my face in the mirror when i'm at the barbers as often my face looks angry. Does anyone have any tips on how to change your public expression. Is it as simple as practicing in the mirror for a while? but you can't really recreate how you'd feel in public I hate not knowing what my expression is like in public

07-02-2009, 09:14 PM	#46 (permalink)
lovinlea Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Yonkers, NY Gender: Female Posts: 21	this is weird... i didn't know this was part of it. when i'm walking, i get a lot of "what's wrong? are you okay?" i have no idea that i'm making my face up. just recently, a friend of a friend (so i don't really know her) said "don't scowl like that. you're going to scare people off." i guess i have angry face most of the time.

07-02-2009, 09:15 PM	#47 (permalink)
lovinlea Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Yonkers, NY Gender: Female Posts: 21	now that i'm aware of it, whenever i feel my face tensing, i smile if no one is looking at me. that relaxes it.

07-03-2009, 09:33 AM	#49 (permalink)
Faded Lines Status: User Requested Ban Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: New York Gender: Male Age: 18 Posts: 1,260	People tell me all the time I look like a serial killer, or like I want to blow up the entire party. When they say that, I give a creepy smile. What's weird is that I love it. My personality kind of fits my facial expression, and people know I am just morbidly humorous and nobody has complained really so nobody takes it seriously.

07-03-2009, 10:43 AM	#50 (permalink)
ItemEleven Status: Half way there Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Posts: 169	I look bored/sad.

07-03-2009, 11:26 AM	#51 (permalink)
Skeeter Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 12	Yeah, and a big part of it is my eyes. I have strabismus (crosseye) and I've had many surgeries to try to correct it. Cosmetically I don't look TOO bad, but unfortunately the doctors were never able to fine-tune my eyes so that they see things as they should. I have double vision if I try to look though both eyes at the same time, like normal people do. Further, those images are misaligned. One is higher than the other like 2 cameras that are not quite pointing at the same spot ("divergent"). At this point, there is no correction for my degree of divergence given my surgical history. But if I were a child now and just beginning treatment, there would be tons of options. The technology just wasn't there 40 years ago like it is today. So, I unconsciously adapted to using only one eye at a time, and quickly shifting back and forth in order to simulate normal stereoscopic vision and depth perception. The big problem is that the divergent eye (my right) is very sensitive to bright glaring light, and I squint-- but only that eye. The left eye (the straighter one) isn't so bad unless I look sharply right-- then that one squints to block out confusing double images. I see just fine in terms of visual acuity (20/20). I just see 2 of everything. Thus, I often look angry because I'm squinting and my face might be somewhat "squoonched" because I'm trying to process what I'm seeing. The thing is, the times when I'm squoonched up are the times when I'm most intently "focused" (literally and figuratively) on the person or thing that's in front of me... those are the times when you have me so enraptured in your story, or attentive to what you're saying. People take that the wrong way and they think I'm stonewalling or getting angry or something. I think it also sort of repels people, because they see my unintended facial expression and they don't understand that it's because of a vision "problem". We've tried glasses with prism correction in order to help straighten the divergent eye. Remember how we played with prisms as kids and made rainbows, and watched as the prism made things appear to change positions? Well, we got the divergence corrected fairly well, but the rainbow effect was far too pronounced at the strength I needed to get that degree of straightening. I saw "rainbows" around anything I looked at in bright light. Even the sunglasses gave me rainbows. And headaches. Adding to the angry appearance, I have permanent brow creases from all my years of squinting. I'm to the point of having plastic surgery or Botox to fix that, but unless the squint is fixed the creases will return.

07-03-2009, 01:15 PM	#52 (permalink)
ShinAkuma Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 274	I look piss off, sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not

07-03-2009, 11:17 PM	#54 (permalink)
xlb123 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 29	LOL, story of my life. I always get asked "what's wrong?" or "why are you angry?" And I reply uhh... I'm fine. Well, not really. I realize I make the angry face when I feel self-conscious, which is pretty much every time I go out.

07-05-2009, 04:38 PM	#55 (permalink)
Ubik Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Lisboa, Portugal Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 19	I solved it long time ago by substituting the neutral face for a small, stupid, cynic and ever present smile that is now my standardized facial reply to almost every social interaction. The problem is when I can´t hold the smile. And sometimes I can´t... Then my face can get really bizarre quick nervous changes of expressions (no tics so far though... Well, maybe not for long..)

07-06-2009, 06:12 PM	#56 (permalink)
Miss T Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: NC Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 41	People tell me my neutral face looks sad, so I often get the "Oh cheer up, it can't be that mad". Some people say I always have a serious look on my face.

07-06-2009, 11:13 PM	#58 (permalink)
Holly Short Status: LEP Recon Officer Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Posts: 106	I don't look angry; I just look sad and lost. People are always asking me what the matter is, and saying I look confused.

07-07-2009, 08:21 PM	#60 (permalink)
arntk519 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 71	My mom and friends of mine and family members have been telling me that for years. Sometimes they come up to me and say "are you ok?" and then they tell me I either look like I'm angry or sad.