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Old 05-14-2009, 08:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Anyone else been told they're "too serious"

I get this a lot, especially from women. It pisses me off. I try to be fun around people. But it's really hard to relax and have fun when feeling anxious. I've been told it's okay to be serious, as long as you are "sarcastic serious". Whatever that means I try really hard to seem unserious and sporadically make jokes around people. But it often feels forced...
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I used to have that happen when I was around people I didn't know really well (for many years) and was comfortable. Now, I still can get serious in social "fun" type situations, but I've learned how to relax more and enjoy myself. I think what really helped me was CBT therapy, especially the group component. After slowing working my way up over many weeks I was doing really funny and embarrassing things in front of the other people in the group. Combined with the right medication for me I've been able to enjoy myself and be more "fun" around other people.

I always find it interesting that people assume I'm arrogant based on how I'm acting when it's actually that I'm just really anxious.
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Old 05-14-2009, 03:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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No one's said as such, yet, but i'm sure they think it. It's damn hard to be unserious (that's not a real word!) when you can't relax. Sometimes it's so long between periods when i actually feel comfortable enough to express myself and have fun that i start to become convinced that this is how i always am.
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Old 05-14-2009, 10:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Does someone saying you have no personality count?
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Old 05-14-2009, 11:39 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Been told this so many times, it pisses me off too. People also think that I am always mad.
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Old 05-15-2009, 10:35 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I've had this all my life. People have always told me I should smile more, and to stop frowning, but i've always been like this so find it difficult to show when i'm happy. I tell people that how I look on the outside isn't always how i'm feeling on the inside, I just don't know how to show my emotions.
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Old 05-15-2009, 05:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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It's pretty common, though I don't hear it from my adult colleagues much these days. They'll just imply it, like I'll be at a rehearsal and someone will throw in some comment like "gee, I hope you're having fun here" and force me to comment that I am, in fact, not feeling miserable.

When I was younger there were some times I was criticized for being too brash and cocky, but that horrified me so much I quickly dropped any hint of extroversion.
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Old 05-15-2009, 06:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Oh yeah, definitely. The problem is that when I'm around people, I focus so hard on acting "normal" that I lose any personality I could have had. I mean, I find I actually do have personality; it's just hard to express it around people I don't know well. I've had people say other things as well, things like "Do you ever smile?" and "You're boring." It really sucks!
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Old 05-17-2009, 10:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Yeah I get this all the time..
People are judgmental. Calling someone boring is an insult, like calling someone fat.
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Old 05-18-2009, 04:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I've noticed that the people who give you advice like telling you to be less serious always end up being people who don't like you and wouldn't even like you if you made the changes they are asking for. And lots of times they are people no one can stand, the kind of people that others try to avoid. So screw them.
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Old 05-18-2009, 09:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Yes, I get that all the time. When I'm uncomfortable around people I am dead serious, I'm too scared that I'll say something stupid or offensive if I let myself joke around. It bothers me because I'm really not that serious, at least not all the time. Around people I'm comfortable with I can joke around and make everyone laugh and really just act like an idiot and not even care. Very few people get to see that side of me though, it's a shame because I wish I could show people that I'm totally different from what they think I am.
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Old 05-20-2009, 02:46 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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It's annoying because when they say I'm too serious, It makes me more anxious and my mind goes blank, I just shut down. Just hang in there.... I've also been told that's one of my best qualities by my current boyfriend.
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Old 06-19-2009, 11:45 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Too serious

I'm with you. I break down in nearly any social situation, even with family. The only time I am ever comfortable is when I know I can trust someone 100% emotionally. I've also been called insincere, synthetic, shallow, dull, psychotic, retarded, autistic, dumb, etc... Only because I was frozen. Unlike many of you, I often am angry at people because of their lack of compassion for people like us who are suffering through severe social anxiety. It's not so easy to "get over it". I also get to deal with a lot of passive aggression expressed towards me because people feel uncomfortable with my anxiety and begin to feel insecure themselves. The best way I've found to deal with it is to focus on what makes you happy with every ounce of energy you can muster, not force it on yourself, but honestly look inside to find exactly what elevates your mood and surround yourself with it. Also, meditating on the root causes of anxiety(be honest with yourself entirely) has helped me immensely. This will help stave off depression, and an elevated mood helps you remain smiling in those nervous situations.

Another tip: Reading those "10 ways to improve your life" bulletins are good natured but can be very misleading. what they really succeed in doing is telling your subconscious "10 ways to improve your life "because your life sucks". So, in my opinion, looking at a list for answers can be a real drag. Find out for yourself.
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:37 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I can relate too. I've had people ask me what's wrong, etc. lol The ironic thing is that when I'm relaxed, I joke around a lot. (I'm rarely relaxed tho lol) Once when i was relaxed, I even had someone tell me they couldn't picture me being serious at all. lol
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Old 06-20-2009, 01:24 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mountain5 View Post
It's pretty common, though I don't hear it from my adult colleagues much these days. They'll just imply it, like I'll be at a rehearsal and someone will throw in some comment like "gee, I hope you're having fun here" and force me to comment that I am, in fact, not feeling miserable.
I hope that's not why the girl who invited me to her party kept on asking me if I was having a good time.
Makes sense though. If I looked like I was having fun she wouldn't have needed to ask .
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Old 06-20-2009, 03:48 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I found out not that long ago that most of my relatives hated my guts since, apparently, I was too serious. Now that I learned how to fake it, they seem to like me more.
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Old 06-20-2009, 10:49 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Solo View Post
I can relate too. I've had people ask me what's wrong, etc. lol The ironic thing is that when I'm relaxed, I joke around a lot. (I'm rarely relaxed tho lol) Once when i was relaxed, I even had someone tell me they couldn't picture me being serious at all. lol
Lol same. I hate it most when people ask "what's wrong". I also have a rubbish sense of humour and I find it quite hard to "fake a laugh" at other people's humour.
Being serious is not necessarily a bad thing especially since I'm a student although, I'm guessing when I grow older, it probably will be.
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Old 06-20-2009, 05:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Yep, I get told this a lot. I can feel the tenseness in my face and it makes me self-conscious about it. I also get told I look bored a lot. I have such a hard time smiling when I'm anxious. It's like my face is frozen.

Also one time a girl was like 'is he crying?' which my friend responded no, then she was like 'what guys can cry too'. ???
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:49 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Yes I get it all the damn time.
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Old 06-23-2009, 09:29 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Yep "hey lighten up dude" yeah get that a lot.
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