Why men cheat? Can you have lots of responsibilities and be truly happy - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 06:45 PM Thread Starter
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Why men cheat?/Which would you pick responsibility or happiness?

Which would you pick - Responsibility or Happiness?

Many times these two words are mutually exclusive. Society says that a father that chooses to stay with his family despite secular and familial challenges that could easily make him consider an alternative, one that could make him happy is a responsible man. A man that quits his family and leaves in search of happiness is judged as selfish and irresponsible by the court of public opinion (read: popular opinion). And this is why many men cheat on their wives in a bid to get the best of both worlds. They want the adoration, acceptance and privileges the society confers on you for being a man who by societal standards is responsible. Even if such responsibilities in the long run make you feel empty and too weighed down to salvage any ounce of happiness, leading such men to search for happiness without the perceived encumbrance that camouflages as responsibility.

Allow me to digress a little. Iím a movie/series buff, sorry and a movie and a series actually comes to mind. If youíve seen the Oscar nominated movie ĎFenceí. I think this actually played a part in Troyís infidelity (Played by Denzel Washington) as he wanted to experience happiness without responsibility even if itís for fleeting moments. And on the latest episode of Greys Anatomy (Season 13 Episode 16), Jacksonís Dad ditched his family and career as a Surgeon in search for true happiness (as a Bar Owner, lol can you believe that?).

Please note that Iím in no way trying to endorse or justify infidelity but Iím not passing any judgments either. All Iím doing is bringing to focus and understanding why men cheat particularly in order to get respite from their responsibilities. Although admittedly, this is a notion that is possibly misguided and a result of negative socialization such as experiences in a marriage that went south, or growing up under parents with bad marriage. Such men would marry and will at some point want to catch a break as they struggle under the burden of more responsibilities. No judgements here as to each man his choice. But For others responsibility and happiness are correlated and best exists together. An opinion also tainted by emotional bias birthed by their upbringing in a stable united home. And so they enter committed, devoted, honest relationships themselves and remain there all there lives not because they are necessarily happy at every twist and turn but out of responsibility and because they feel happy and appreciative of their parents for staying together and would want their offspring to feel the same way. The best description for their psychological state would be satisfied. It could be erroneous to assume they are happy.

Penny for your thoughts.

Anyone?
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post #2 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 06:50 PM Thread Starter
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Why men cheat? Can you have lots of responsibilities and be truly happy

Which would you pick - Responsibility or Happiness?

Many times these two words are mutually exclusive. Society says that a father that chooses to stay with his family despite secular and familial challenges that could easily make him consider an alternative, one that could make him happy is a responsible man. A man that quits his family and leaves in search of happiness is judged as selfish and irresponsible by the court of public opinion (read: popular opinion). And this is why many men cheat on their wives in a bid to get the best of both worlds. They want the adoration, acceptance and privileges the society confers on you for being a man who by societal standards is responsible. Even if such responsibilities in the long run make you feel empty and too weighed down to salvage any ounce of happiness, leading such men to search for happiness without the perceived encumbrance that camouflages as responsibility. Allow me to digress a little. Iím a movie/series buff, sorry and a movie and a series actually comes to mind. If youíve seen the Oscar nominated movie ĎFenceí. I think this actually played a part in Troyís infidelity (Played by Denzel Washington) as he wanted to experience happiness without responsibility even if itís for fleeting moments. And on the latest episode of Greys Anatomy (Season 13 Episode 16), Jacksonís Dad ditched his family and career as a Surgeon in search for true happiness (as a Bar Owner, lol can you believe that?).

Please note that Iím in no way trying to endorse or justify infidelity but Iím not passing any judgments either. All Iím doing is bringing to focus and understanding why men cheat particularly in order to get respite from their responsibilities. Although admittedly, this is a notion that is possibly misguided and a result of negative socialization such as experiences in a marriage that went south, or growing up under parents with bad marriage. Such men would marry and will at some point want to catch a break as they struggle under the burden of more responsibilities. No judgements here as to each man his choice. But For others responsibility and happiness are correlated and best exists together. An opinion also tainted by emotional bias birthed by their upbringing in a stable united home. And so they enter committed, devoted, honest relationships themselves and remain there all there lives not because they are necessarily happy at every twist and turn but out of responsibility and because they feel happy and appreciative of their parents for staying together and would want their offspring to feel the same way. The best description for their psychological state would be satisfied. It could be erroneous to assume they are happy.

Penny for your thoughts.

Anyone?
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post #3 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 06:56 PM
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if by cheat, you mean leave their family, then i agree with what you said.
for 'cheating' in the sense that they secretly have someone else, then i believe there are other factors that cause that..thats my opinion

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post #4 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:00 PM
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I'd pick happiness.

Responsibility is important, but so is happiness. It's your life. If you're not happy with your wife and kid, then you need to have a talk with your partner about what the next step is going to be - either separating or staying together and trying to make it work (if the things making you unhappy are fixable), not cheating. I think honesty and communication are extremely important in relationships. I'm all for poly and open relationships, but once you start going behind your partner's back, there's a problem. And if they find out, you have to deal with jealousy and trust issues...it's just not worth it.

I think both men and women cheat because they find someone that has something their current partner doesn't have or can't readily provide. Usually they're unhappy with their current partner, but are too scared to leave them. Or maybe they're not super unhappy, just greedy. When people get too comfortable with someone, sometimes they get bored and want something new. But like I said, just be honest about it and do what makes you happy.
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post #5 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:05 PM
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post #6 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:08 PM
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post #7 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:15 PM
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People can be capricious. A fear of missing out can happen. The game of it--treating people disrespectfully because they think they won't find out and may not care about them as much as they think or may say. Then there's the occasions of cowards that're too afraid to just leave what they have and so they end up cheating. Then there's the horny and self-esteem variable.

As far as families/kids and leaving them? People chicken out. Also, men don't have much say when it comes to keeping the kids, let alone having them.

I believe the stat on cheaters is men do it more but women cheat more successfully. As in don't get caught as often, according to anonymous polls. Which the latter is almost an inconclusive bc again, they cheat better, apparently.

So yeah, people in general can be asshats. Basically.

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post #8 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:29 PM
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There are ways to be happy, or regain happiness, without throwing responsibility out the window and/or cheating. There are plenty of divorced/separated couples who co-parent and successfully raise well-adjusted children. And there are options other than cheating, too. I don't think I'd be happy in a poly or open relationship personally, but those are valid options for some people. And even though I think cheating is a sh*tty thing to do, it doesn't mean you're automatically a bad parent who abandons your kids. Being a bad spouse/partner doesn't automatically correlate to being a bad parent.

So at the end of the day, ideally I'd choose both, but I definitely wouldn't stay in a relationship indefinitely if I was unhappy and my partner wasn't willing to work on that. I definitely wouldn't cheat, though.

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post #9 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:38 PM
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I've been a man my entire life lol, and I have never once cheated, ever. I had my first "relationship" at 12 years old (if you can even call that a relationship) and I feel like I've had my fair share of relationships since then, including a six month marriage and a marriage that lasted 18 years, and I have never cheated, and it's not because I haven't had opportunities....I have. I will never understand why some women seem to find married men attractive and see them as an "opportunity" but some do, no doubt. And I have never felt like I was settling, or was just "satsified". I never wanted to cheat and I wonder why that might be so hard to believe. I absolutely despise cheaters. It's a deal breaker for me. It's off. If you've cheated I don't care how many years we've been together, it's off, and tbh, if you've ever cheated in a past relationship I'm not interested. Go play games with someone else, I have zero interest. It's borderline sociopathic imo....you know that you're in a relatioship, you've chosen to be in an exclusive relationship with this person but instead you're choosing to intentionally hurt them in the worst way you possibly can hurt your partner. There is, imo, something very, very wrong with people that make a conscious decision to do that. And I don't buy the whole "we got caught up in the moment" excuse. You didn't trip over the rug in her apartment, have your clothes somehow magically come off in midair while hers did the same, and then accidentally land on her in such a way as your penis went into her vagina. That just doesn't happen. It's not an accident if you had an affair. The least you can do is admit that it was a conscious decision, and you should admit that you have serious integrity issues and are not mature enough for a serious relationship.
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post #10 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:39 PM
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Also....I'm a father of three teenage kids and I love everything about being a father, and that includes having all the responsibilities that come with it.
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post #11 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 08:09 PM
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I think that the main factor behind a lot of cheating is the simple fact that monogamy is a relatively new concept. We're just animals and most animals do not mate for life. But there has been tremendous societal pressure to conform to monogamous relationships for the past few centuries and I think it's put a lot of us in a very bad spot. Not to mention other relevant issues like the stigma put on premarital sex so that couples cannot gauge sexual compatibility before tying the knot, or the bad rap that divorce gets from pretty much everyone.

It's one of the main reasons why I'll never get married. I can't imagine actually spending decades with one person.

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post #12 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:39 PM
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Alright OP, why do women cheat? Genuine question. I liked your explanation here.
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post #13 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Svarog11 View Post
Alright OP, why do women cheat? Genuine question. I liked your explanation here.
Good question.
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post #14 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:29 PM
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Why men cheat, explained by Karl.

Men like sex. Well, at least most of them do. Now if you're gay you can hook up within 5 minutes by simply walking into your local gay bar.

If you prefer sex with women, well, then it will be more of a challenge. If a man is rich & powerful (or a stud muffin) he gets to have sex with hot young blond chicks who really love the goodies their CEO sugar daddy buys them.

If I wanted sex that desperately I would buy a $200,000 Tesla (and pretend it's because I care about the environment), buy an expensive custom tailored suit and stop by the jewelry store to buy the kind gf goodies empty-headed bimbos are most impressed by. They would not be at all impressed by $40,000 of platinum in bars, nor a 7 pound bar of silver. It has to fit their finger or wrist or neck or ear. The bigger the rock the more vigorously she will suck and it goes without saying she will swallow.

I fully expect to be attacked for stating what we all damn well know is reality. My critics live in fantasy land.

If you want to see a whole lot of skanks who want gifts just check out their ads on the Back Pages. Though from the pics they sure don't look to me to be worth even a buck, much less a fortune.

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post #15 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:36 PM
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Because when a man is horny, his dick does 80% of the thinking, and his evolved brain switches to low power mode.
After he comes, that's when his brain turns back from low-power monkey mode, to oh-sh*t i ****ed up, human with reason mode.

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
'Cause if I do that then it opens the door for conversation
Like I want that...
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post #16 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Svarog11 View Post
Alright OP, why do women cheat? Genuine question. I liked your explanation here.
If you have the good looks of a movie star, women will get wet with desire and bleep your brains out.

Women will also cheat because it can be extremely lucrative. Get a CEO with tons of disposable income and he will buy you everything in the jewelry store. Really steal his heart and you can get a free apartment + a hefty allowance for all your girlish expenses.

The hotter you are are the more you are willing to to do sexually, the more money you can make (all tax free). Your young, tight, and wet vagina (waxed, of course) is like a printing press at the US Treasury.

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post #17 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 01:16 AM
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Family is more important than fulfilling your sexual desires. If you want to sleep with someone that badly then just leave the marriage. Don't pretend to yourself that you can have your cake and eat it.

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post #18 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 01:21 AM
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More than going through a brainless mode, I think that most horny people simply evaluate their situation and would rather take risks (cheat while hoping not to get caught, or to be forgiven), than suppress the desire, and one has to admit that sometimes they succeed. I know that morally speaking that behaviour is total sh!t though, and well, people being *sses is certainly nothing new.

But to think that the best solution to this problem is just not to get married and/or have kids while one's still young. Simple as that. And when someone does that and then regrets it, then you can say those are the not-very-smart ones.

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post #19 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 01:26 AM
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I have no idea what exactly OP is trying to ask.

But statistically men and women cheat about the same. And some do it because they're looking from an escape from their present situation.

They also do it for other reasons.

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post #20 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 01:35 AM
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Originally Posted by UltraShy View Post
Why men cheat, explained by Karl.

Men like sex. Well, at least most of them do. Now if you're gay you can hook up within 5 minutes by simply walking into your local gay bar.

If you prefer sex with women, well, then it will be more of a challenge. If a man is rich & powerful (or a stud muffin) he gets to have sex with hot young blond chicks who really love the goodies their CEO sugar daddy buys them.

If I wanted sex that desperately I would buy a $200,000 Tesla (and pretend it's because I care about the environment), buy an expensive custom tailored suit and stop by the jewelry store to buy the kind gf goodies empty-headed bimbos are most impressed by. They would not be at all impressed by $40,000 of platinum in bars, nor a 7 pound bar of silver. It has to fit their finger or wrist or neck or ear. The bigger the rock the more vigorously she will suck and it goes without saying she will swallow.

I fully expect to be attacked for stating what we all damn well know is reality. My critics live in fantasy land.

If you want to see a whole lot of skunks who want gifts just check out their ads on the Back Pages. Though from the pics they sure don't look to me to be worth even a buck, much less a fortune.
The way to the hearts of a lot of women is exactly, exactly as you just described. You'd have to be blind or in denial to say a lot of women don't work that way. I didn't say all, I said a lot of women.

Why do married women cheat though? Women cheat (some women) because they want the excitement. Why else would my 40 year old ex-wife choose, of all things, to cheat with a 17 year old boy? What could she possibly have in common with someone 23 years younger than her, and much less than half her age, and someone who can't even afford to take her to McDonalds on a date, ffs? Someone who just barely got his driver's license, and doesn't have enough life experience to know his butt from a hole in the ground, imo? She wanted the excitement. And he was what some of my old friends in my college days used to call a "grudge ****". Meaning it really served no other purpose, other than to piss me off and get revenge on me.

I got tested for every STD known to man after I found out she was cheating and oc I never had sex with her again (though she did offer to have a FWB relationship).

What she's left with though....is pretty sad. Her kids know about the affairs (yeah there was more than one). Her kids know that yes, I had a relationship after me and my ex were separated, but mom had a relationship with boys less than half her age even while I was still sleeping under the same roof as her. Her kids love her of course, very much, she's their mom, and I wouldn't have it any other way but they don't have as much respect for her as they should, and for good reason. Mommy has issues.

Like I said before I just never have had the desire to cheat, and I've had opportunities. Even if you don't think it's morally reprehensible, why would you want all the headaches that come with it lol. Having to hide, play games, make up stories of where you've been.....
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