Social Anxiety Support

supersoshychick · 10-09-2009, 02:30 PM

Okay i'm black. I i tend to find guy's out side my race attractive than my own race. would i date a black guy? hell yeah i would, but i'd rather date a someone out my race just feel more attracted to them. I would definetly date a black guy.

Well anyway, my online friend, i never told him what race i was, and we've been talking for like 4 months, i finally showed him a picture of me today, and he said, " i don't date black girls" I never asked him if he dated black girl's that kind of offended me. What's wrong with giving a black girl a chance?
i'm 100% for inter-racial relationships...i think people in interracial relationships make the cutest couples.

I think everyone in society should date out their race at least one, maybe it'll slow down on racism grrrrr.
are white and asian girl's only the prettiest? what the hell is wrong w/ society, this is just pissing me off!

omg he JUST sent this email, because i blocked him from IM:

"Im just not attracted to black girls if u think thats racism thats pure bull****, there is nothing racist about it.some ppl like it tall, some ppl like it short, some like black some like white and whatsoever lol . I said when it comes to friendship n other stuff it doesnt matter what color u have. so you **** OFF YOU DUMBASS AND ENJOY YOUR RETARDED LİFE, GOOD LUCK WİTH THAT

OH BTW BE PROUD OF YOURSELF YOU'RE THE FİRST PERSON İN MY LİFE THAT CALLED ME RACİST, LMAO. well thats all, have a nice life tho, srsly. "w.e" "

he said, "i don't date black girl's" in IM...now he's saying he's not attracted to them w/e.

markx · 10-09-2009, 02:39 PM

I think I'd be p***** as well. He's obviously an idiot who had other things on his mind besides friendship.

I'm white and I've fallen in love with many girls over the years (obviously from a distance, lol) who happened to be black or asian. What's not to like?

Paul'sBunyon · 10-09-2009, 02:43 PM

He is acting on fears and insecurity more than likely. He is attaching to your character, the stereotypes he has learned to associate with a whole race. Pretty, smart and fun girls come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

huh · 10-09-2009, 02:44 PM

Yeah, people who use skin color alone to decide who they will date have issues.

SilentLoner · 10-09-2009, 02:44 PM

He sounds like a jerk.

veron · 10-09-2009, 02:55 PM

Mr. Frostie · 10-09-2009, 03:03 PM

Its weird that he brought up race. 'I don't date black girls' is a nasty way to reject someone. What a loser.

UltraShy · 10-09-2009, 03:16 PM

When it comes to dating, lots of people discriminate based on race. Most personal ads specify race with things like "SWM seeks SWF" and the like.

Is this wrong? Consider that a guy who's 5'3" isn't likely to get a date with a girl who's 6' and towers over him. A guy who weighs 275 (fat, not muscle) isn't likely to get a date with a girl who weighs 125. A guy who's a janitor isn't likely to get a date with a woman who's a lawyer.

In dating there is discrimination on all sorts of grounds: height, weight, social status, wealth, age, race, religion.

Speaking of the last one on my list, two months ago I was rejected by a woman who responded to my ad on craigslist when she found that I'm an atheist. Failure to be Christian was by itself enough for her to reject me (before even finding out all the other reasons she could reject me).

namastecadet · 10-09-2009, 03:28 PM

maybe the title should be: "what's wrong with [dating] black people?" or something dealing with interracial dating, or about how much of an a** this guy sounds like.

first glance after reading the title, i came into this thread already having jumped the gun & with full ammunition to fire at any racial remarks. i'm glad that's not the case, but truly this guy sounds pretty horrible, especially if you were talking for four months prior. i know that probably it hurts, but remember that he is just one stupid guy, not all of them are like that.

supersoshychick · 10-09-2009, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by namastecadet

maybe the title should be: "what's wrong with [dating] black people?" or something dealing with interracial dating, or about how much of an a** this guy sounds like.

first glance after reading the title, i came into this thread already having jumped the gun & with full ammunition to fire at any racial remarks. i'm glad that's not the case, but truly this guy sounds pretty horrible, especially if you were talking for four months prior. i know that probably it hurts, but remember that he is just one stupid guy, not all of them are like that.

hmmm i didn't know what to make the title....
yeah i'm not speaking w/ him anymore...

pita · 10-09-2009, 03:51 PM

I don't get how somebody could find an entire race of people unattractive. That is racist by definition, isn't it?

Dude is a d-bag.

DitzyDreamer · 10-09-2009, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by supersoshychick

Okay i'm black. I i tend to find guy's out side my race attractive than my own race. would i date a black guy? hell yeah i would, but i'd rather date a someone out my race just feel more attracted to them. I would definetly date a black guy.

Well anyway, my online friend, i never told him what race i was, and we've been talking for like 4 months, i finally showed him a picture of me today, and he said, " i don't date black girls" I never asked him if he dated black girl's that kind of offended me. What's wrong with giving a black girl a chance?
i'm 100% for inter-racial relationships...i think people in interracial relationships make the cutest couples.

I think everyone in society should date out their race at least one, maybe it'll slow down on racism grrrrr.
are white and asian girl's only the prettiest? what the hell is wrong w/ society, this is just pissing me off!

omg he JUST sent this email, because i blocked him from IM:

"Im just not attracted to black girls if u think thats racism thats pure bull****, there is nothing racist about it.some ppl like it tall, some ppl like it short, some like black some like white and whatsoever lol . I said when it comes to friendship n other stuff it doesnt matter what color u have. so you **** OFF YOU DUMBASS AND ENJOY YOUR RETARDED LİFE, GOOD LUCK WİTH THAT

OH BTW BE PROUD OF YOURSELF YOU'RE THE FİRST PERSON İN MY LİFE THAT CALLED ME RACİST, LMAO. well thats all, have a nice life tho, srsly. "w.e" "

he said, "i don't date black girl's" in IM...now he's saying he's not attracted to them w/e.

Well, it is fair game. You aren't too attracted to black guys, and he isn't particularly fond of black girls. And honestly, people should be free to date whoever they want. Why should someone date someone outside their "race" (which doesn't even exist) once? If people want to close-mindedly date just within their culture, then that is all on them.

And from the sound of his post, you called him a racist. Well, in reverse, he could have called you have a self-hater. You've got to look at it from more than one perspective.

And if it means anything to you, I'm black. As a black woman, you are just going to have accept that you are not going to be desired by a plentitude of men. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma for black women to date outside of their "race" but not for black men to date outside of their "race." In a very Euro-centric world, black women are, from my personal observation, at the bottom of the totem pole. However, I have heard that black women are a hot commodity in Europe, particularly places like England and Italy where interracial dating rates amoung whites and blacks are extremely high.

iwannabecoolplzhelp · 10-09-2009, 04:20 PM

I think this stuff happens alot sadly.

Twice I've been told by white women that they don't date white guys. Consider how hard it is for a person with SA to even ask out a girl and you'll know why this is a HUGE issue that took me months to get over.

I dunno what's wrong with people but race still seems to be a huge issue. Unfortunately, both white males and black females get negatively stereotyped and as ignorant as it is a lot of people do seem to believe those stereotypes are true.

All I can say is I am sorry you have to deal with this and I am sorry I have to deal with this. It's wrong but that don't stop haters from doing what they do openly and proudly.

In my classes black women are often the friendlist to me, hell often they are the only people friendly to me. Yet for some reason the stereotype of black women as militant and domineering still exists.I rarely see the media depict black women with other races, yet they often do so with black men. More black women need to speak up and let their voices be heard. This kind of double standard should not be tolerated and causes real harm when society internalizes what they see on television which is where a lot of our ideas of "reality" come from these days.

Kush · 10-09-2009, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by supersoshychick

Okay i'm black. I i tend to find guy's out side my race attractive than my own race. would i date a black guy? hell yeah i would, but i'd rather date a someone out my race just feel more attracted to them. I would definetly date a black guy.

Well anyway, my online friend, i never told him what race i was, and we've been talking for like 4 months, i finally showed him a picture of me today, and he said, " i don't date black girls" I never asked him if he dated black girl's that kind of offended me. What's wrong with giving a black girl a chance?
i'm 100% for inter-racial relationships...i think people in interracial relationships make the cutest couples.

I think everyone in society should date out their race at least one, maybe it'll slow down on racism grrrrr.
are white and asian girl's only the prettiest? what the hell is wrong w/ society, this is just pissing me off!

omg he JUST sent this email, because i blocked him from IM:

"Im just not attracted to black girls if u think thats racism thats pure bull****, there is nothing racist about it.some ppl like it tall, some ppl like it short, some like black some like white and whatsoever lol . I said when it comes to friendship n other stuff it doesnt matter what color u have. so you **** OFF YOU DUMBASS AND ENJOY YOUR RETARDED LİFE, GOOD LUCK WİTH THAT

OH BTW BE PROUD OF YOURSELF YOU'RE THE FİRST PERSON İN MY LİFE THAT CALLED ME RACİST, LMAO. well thats all, have a nice life tho, srsly. "w.e" "

he said, "i don't date black girl's" in IM...now he's saying he's not attracted to them w/e.

did u grow up around alot of non black people?

Judi · 10-09-2009, 04:42 PM

I think that's just his taste, This Sri lanken guy I know says he wont date Sri lanken girls and finds asian women very attractive. His girlfriends so far have been asian.

That dude probaly should have a nicer way of saying that though :/

Delicate · 10-09-2009, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pita

I don't get how somebody could find an entire race of people unattractive. That is racist by definition, isn't it?

Dude is a d-bag.

That's how I think it's not like everyone of a particular race looks the same or has the same qualities. That guy's a proper ****.

You'd been talking for 4 months, you show your picture, having not asked him who he dates, and he says that?

Then he sent that bi*chy message. That's like an adolescent girl. Let him **** off. You don't need that.

jer · 10-09-2009, 04:56 PM

black women have really friendly attitude. they dont seem as stuck up or suspicious on seeing me.

btw there is this black girl near where I live - man is she beautiful or what? extremely attractive woman. But she is young and I try not to think impure thoughts about her.

everytime I see her, I have to act all mature.

caflme · 10-09-2009, 04:57 PM

When my 11 year old son was 5 years old he came home and stated in no uncertain terms that... he wanted to be brown. I asked him why and he had a list. The list included:

Brown is prettier
They don't get sunburnt
They can dance better
Their mom's all cook better than his white friends' moms (not sure where I fit lol)
They are better at sports
The get to wear kooler clothes than white people
They don't have to brush their hair all the time
....
he had more but I just couldn't help but be in awe of all of the positive things that my 5 year old came up with for his black friends and their families.

I'm sorry to laugh about it but I live in the South - in America. My family - for the most part - has issues with race (although they aren't hostile). So I was so proud that my son had no shame in telling everyone in our family how he felt about it.

Yes, I got plenty of lectures about the neighborhood I was living in, that I should change his school and all sorts of garbage. I told him and them that all races are relatively the same - we all wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work/school, and love our kids, love our parents, and fall in love and get hurt... worry about stuff like supporting our families, not screwing up our kids, and everything else.

But, I still wondered what he thought of his race by the stuff he came up with;

Did that mean he thought that white people:

are ugly
can't dance
suck at sports
wear dorky clothes
with mom's whose cooking sucks...

Sometimes ya just never know... except I did find out later at picture time that he had a crush on a black classmate - to this day her picture is still on the refrigerator because he wants to leave it there. Wow.

My family tries to say that as hard as relationships are why add extra pressure and hardship by going out of your way to pick someone out of your race, religion and class. I tried to explain to them that it isn't something you 'go out of your way to do' - that you meet people and you get along and have stuff in common or you don't.

He talked with you for 4 months with no problem --- then you being a black was a problem - that is racist - so w/e.

Just Lurking · 10-09-2009, 05:01 PM

I'm not sold on this being an issue of racism.

White/Black/Asian, short/tall, overweight/underweight, big build/small build - everyone (especially males) has physical preferences when it comes to picking partners. You can't help who you're attracted to. It's natural - it can't be forced. It's not a choice. We all have our natural preferences. I don't think it makes someone a racist just because they're not attracted to people of other races.

What about gay people? Are gay guys sexist because they won't date girls? Or vice versa? No... Because they can't help who they're attracted to.

As for this guy... Idiot? Yes. Picky dater? Yes. Racist? Not sure about that, although firing back with "I don't date black girls" without provocation right after being shown a picture, raises questions.

mrbojangles · 10-09-2009, 05:02 PM

thats funny because it seems like i hardly ever see a black girl dating anything other than a black guy. where in most cases, atleast where i live black guys are the person of color in the relationship.

10-09-2009, 02:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
supersoshychick Status: supersoshychick Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Paranoia Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 202	what's wrong with black people? Okay i'm black. I i tend to find guy's out side my race attractive than my own race. would i date a black guy? hell yeah i would, but i'd rather date a someone out my race just feel more attracted to them. I would definetly date a black guy. Well anyway, my online friend, i never told him what race i was, and we've been talking for like 4 months, i finally showed him a picture of me today, and he said, " i don't date black girls" I never asked him if he dated black girl's that kind of offended me. What's wrong with giving a black girl a chance? i'm 100% for inter-racial relationships...i think people in interracial relationships make the cutest couples. I think everyone in society should date out their race at least one, maybe it'll slow down on racism grrrrr. are white and asian girl's only the prettiest? what the hell is wrong w/ society, this is just pissing me off! omg he JUST sent this email, because i blocked him from IM: "Im just not attracted to black girls if u think thats racism thats pure bull**, there is nothing racist about it.some ppl like it tall, some ppl like it short, some like black some like white and whatsoever lol . I said when it comes to friendship n other stuff it doesnt matter what color u have. so you ** OFF YOU DUMBASS AND ENJOY YOUR RETARDED LİFE, GOOD LUCK WİTH THAT OH BTW BE PROUD OF YOURSELF YOU'RE THE FİRST PERSON İN MY LİFE THAT CALLED ME RACİST, LMAO. well thats all, have a nice life tho, srsly. "w.e" " he said, "i don't date black girl's" in IM...now he's saying he's not attracted to them w/e. __________________ Blog about social anxiety, doraphobia, depression, and rants about my personal life http://www.supersoshychick.blogspot.com My dream log http://dreaminguponreality.blogspot.com/

10-09-2009, 02:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
Paul'sBunyon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 166	He is acting on fears and insecurity more than likely. He is attaching to your character, the stereotypes he has learned to associate with a whole race. Pretty, smart and fun girls come in all shapes, sizes and colors. __________________ MY PECKS AND ABS, 'NUFF SAID.

10-09-2009, 02:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
huh Status: Statistical Anomaly Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: WI Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 1,037	Yeah, people who use skin color alone to decide who they will date have issues. __________________ "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

10-09-2009, 02:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
SilentLoner Status: Otaku Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Lost in thought, though occasionally I may be located at an anime convention. Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 2,452	He sounds like a jerk. __________________ "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” -Plato "When a cold wind blows it chills you - chills you to the bone. But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart like years of being alone." OTAKU UNITE! “We honor Dr. Tiller’s legacy of service to women.” Dr. George Tiller 1941 -2009 Memorial Web Page http://www.iamdrtiller.com/ http://www.remembertiller.com/

10-09-2009, 03:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
UltraShy Status: Accident of Birth Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Milwaukee, WI (Atheist, Libertarian) Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 24,572	When it comes to dating, lots of people discriminate based on race. Most personal ads specify race with things like "SWM seeks SWF" and the like. Is this wrong? Consider that a guy who's 5'3" isn't likely to get a date with a girl who's 6' and towers over him. A guy who weighs 275 (fat, not muscle) isn't likely to get a date with a girl who weighs 125. A guy who's a janitor isn't likely to get a date with a woman who's a lawyer. In dating there is discrimination on all sorts of grounds: height, weight, social status, wealth, age, race, religion. Speaking of the last one on my list, two months ago I was rejected by a woman who responded to my ad on craigslist when she found that I'm an atheist. Failure to be Christian was by itself enough for her to reject me (before even finding out all the other reasons she could reject me). __________________ Nothing is ever the way it should be What we deserve we just don't get you see http://www.insureyourgunrights.com/

10-09-2009, 02:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
markx Status: Stir crazy Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 674	I think I'd be p***** as well. He's obviously an idiot who had other things on his mind besides friendship. I'm white and I've fallen in love with many girls over the years (obviously from a distance, lol) who happened to be black or asian. What's not to like?

10-09-2009, 02:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 490

10-09-2009, 03:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mr. Frostie Status: Frostie Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 708	Its weird that he brought up race. 'I don't date black girls' is a nasty way to reject someone. What a loser.

10-09-2009, 03:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
namastecadet Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 104	maybe the title should be: "what's wrong with [dating] black people?" or something dealing with interracial dating, or about how much of an a** this guy sounds like. first glance after reading the title, i came into this thread already having jumped the gun & with full ammunition to fire at any racial remarks. i'm glad that's not the case, but truly this guy sounds pretty horrible, especially if you were talking for four months prior. i know that probably it hurts, but remember that he is just one stupid guy, not all of them are like that.

10-09-2009, 03:51 PM	#11 (permalink)
pita Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 2,168	I don't get how somebody could find an entire race of people unattractive. That is racist by definition, isn't it? Dude is a d-bag.

10-09-2009, 04:20 PM	#13 (permalink)
iwannabecoolplzhelp Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 132	I think this stuff happens alot sadly. Twice I've been told by white women that they don't date white guys. Consider how hard it is for a person with SA to even ask out a girl and you'll know why this is a HUGE issue that took me months to get over. I dunno what's wrong with people but race still seems to be a huge issue. Unfortunately, both white males and black females get negatively stereotyped and as ignorant as it is a lot of people do seem to believe those stereotypes are true. All I can say is I am sorry you have to deal with this and I am sorry I have to deal with this. It's wrong but that don't stop haters from doing what they do openly and proudly. In my classes black women are often the friendlist to me, hell often they are the only people friendly to me. Yet for some reason the stereotype of black women as militant and domineering still exists.I rarely see the media depict black women with other races, yet they often do so with black men. More black women need to speak up and let their voices be heard. This kind of double standard should not be tolerated and causes real harm when society internalizes what they see on television which is where a lot of our ideas of "reality" come from these days.

10-09-2009, 04:42 PM	#15 (permalink)
Judi Status: None the wiser Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 496	I think that's just his taste, This Sri lanken guy I know says he wont date Sri lanken girls and finds asian women very attractive. His girlfriends so far have been asian. That dude probaly should have a nicer way of saying that though :/ __________________ If putting things off is so easy why can't you put off procrastination? Anime list \| deviantart

10-09-2009, 04:56 PM	#17 (permalink)
jer Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Texas Gender: Male Posts: 221	black women have really friendly attitude. they dont seem as stuck up or suspicious on seeing me. btw there is this black girl near where I live - man is she beautiful or what? extremely attractive woman. But she is young and I try not to think impure thoughts about her. everytime I see her, I have to act all mature.

10-09-2009, 04:57 PM	#18 (permalink)
caflme Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Florida Gender: Female Age: 44 Posts: 582	When my 11 year old son was 5 years old he came home and stated in no uncertain terms that... he wanted to be brown. I asked him why and he had a list. The list included: Brown is prettier They don't get sunburnt They can dance better Their mom's all cook better than his white friends' moms (not sure where I fit lol) They are better at sports The get to wear kooler clothes than white people They don't have to brush their hair all the time .... he had more but I just couldn't help but be in awe of all of the positive things that my 5 year old came up with for his black friends and their families. I'm sorry to laugh about it but I live in the South - in America. My family - for the most part - has issues with race (although they aren't hostile). So I was so proud that my son had no shame in telling everyone in our family how he felt about it. Yes, I got plenty of lectures about the neighborhood I was living in, that I should change his school and all sorts of garbage. I told him and them that all races are relatively the same - we all wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work/school, and love our kids, love our parents, and fall in love and get hurt... worry about stuff like supporting our families, not screwing up our kids, and everything else. But, I still wondered what he thought of his race by the stuff he came up with; Did that mean he thought that white people: are ugly can't dance suck at sports wear dorky clothes with mom's whose cooking sucks... Sometimes ya just never know... except I did find out later at picture time that he had a crush on a black classmate - to this day her picture is still on the refrigerator because he wants to leave it there. Wow. My family tries to say that as hard as relationships are why add extra pressure and hardship by going out of your way to pick someone out of your race, religion and class. I tried to explain to them that it isn't something you 'go out of your way to do' - that you meet people and you get along and have stuff in common or you don't. He talked with you for 4 months with no problem --- then you being a black was a problem - that is racist - so w/e.

10-09-2009, 05:01 PM	#19 (permalink)
Just Lurking Status: Student.. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 2,852	I'm not sold on this being an issue of racism. White/Black/Asian, short/tall, overweight/underweight, big build/small build - everyone (especially males) has physical preferences when it comes to picking partners. You can't help who you're attracted to. It's natural - it can't be forced. It's not a choice. We all have our natural preferences. I don't think it makes someone a racist just because they're not attracted to people of other races. What about gay people? Are gay guys sexist because they won't date girls? Or vice versa? No... Because they can't help who they're attracted to. As for this guy... Idiot? Yes. Picky dater? Yes. Racist? Not sure about that, although firing back with "I don't date black girls" without provocation right after being shown a picture, raises questions. __________________ "The psychiatrist says, 'I think you're crazy.' The man says, 'I want a second opinion.' The psychiatrist says, 'Okay, you're ugly, too!'" ~Henny Youngman

10-09-2009, 05:02 PM	#20 (permalink)
mrbojangles Status: keeping it real Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: in a van down by the river. Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 87	thats funny because it seems like i hardly ever see a black girl dating anything other than a black guy. where in most cases, atleast where i live black guys are the person of color in the relationship.