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Old 06-16-2013, 08:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin Arrested For Public Masturbation

Portland, OR — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour focusing on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation was arrested yesterday in Portland, Oregon for masturbating in public.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke to reporters about the future of the tour after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy® has helped thousands of adults and children live a masturbation-free lifestyle. Fappy® also collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he did great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy® right now. All the good that he’s done, all the lives he’s saved, all ruined by some ‘alleged’ public masturbation charge. I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy® in your prayers until this nonsense is resolved.” Childs continued, “Until he is bonded out, Rubit® The Anti-Masturbation Rabbit will temporarily be taking his place on the school tour until we can get this mess sorted out. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.”

Fappy®, whose real identity is 34-year-old Arizona resident Paul Horner, told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love you all,” Horner said. “I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.” Horner continued, “Satan’s wicked ways came over me in a moment of weakness and I’m now paying dearly for it. At this jail though, it seems everyone here is having moments of weakness at least four or five times a day. God willing I’ll be able to put an end to all of that debauchery once and for all.”


http://superofficialnews.com/fappy-t...-masturbation/
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Old 06-16-2013, 08:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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couldn't help thinking about this.
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Old 06-16-2013, 08:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Is this satire?
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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Is this satire?
yes. I should have posted in Just for Fun section.
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nubly View Post
Is this satire?
It comes from a website called "Super Official News" so I have no reason to believe this being false and satirical.
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I cant edit the post to ad that it is Satire. I don't know if it's a forum bug. Or something going on on my end.
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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If he's anti-masturbation shouldn't he be (called) Unfappy instead?
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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If he's anti-masturbation shouldn't he be (called) Unfappy instead?
Lol ironic isn't it
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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They sound have made it a frog named rubit lol
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Sorry about the double posts guys. I was trying to edit the post and I got a blank screen. hit the back button and it was posted again. I have asked them to be deleted and this moved to Just for Fun. Posted in the wrong forum. Heh and I haven't even had a drink yet today.
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I knew something was up when I saw that the last name was "Horner". I mean, really.
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Ironic that I see this thread just now...
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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"The dangerous consequences of masturbation"!? What the bloody f*** is the world coming to!?
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:38 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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What I find harder to believe is that an anti-masturbation dolphin mascot actually exists.
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsEasierToRun View Post
"The dangerous consequences of masturbation"!? What the bloody f*** is the world coming to!?
The drastic drop in the number of Rapes, caused by masturbation is a serious danger to humanity! How can you not see it?!?
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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So if he had sex in public would have been okay?
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:49 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monotony View Post
The drastic drop in the number of Rapes, caused by masturbation is a serious danger to humanity! How can you not see it?!?
10/10 Would read again
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:53 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by illmatic1 View Post
They should have made it a frog named rubit lol
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Old 06-16-2013, 10:58 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsEasierToRun View Post
10/10 Would read again
Just think of all those poor women that aren't being pinned to the ground and having dicks sometimes multiple dicks forcibly inserted into them? Or the Joy of getting pregnant from it because the rapists didn't bother to use protection!

All because of that horrible filth known as masturbation that keeps average pant sagging dick waving hairless primate satisfied enough to not have to resort to other measures when they don't have willing and readily available source of relief.






Ya.. my eyes are about ready to call it quits.
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:08 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Monotony View Post
Just think of all those poor women that aren't being pinned to the ground and having dicks sometimes multiple dicks forcibly inserted into them? Or the Joy of getting pregnant from it because the rapists didn't bother to use protection!

All because of that horrible filth known as masturbation that keeps average pant sagging dick waving hairless primate satisfied enough to not have to resort to other measures when they don't have willing and readily available source of relief.

Ya.. my eyes are about ready to call it quits.
But apparently we're not allowed to have this opinion cause we're just a couple of cynical *******s and no doubt some form of "ist"s..
I'll see how this thread progresses after I have a quick fap
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