meds? who knows.

[jedishy]

Hey, this is my first post here. I have SAD, GAD, Dysthymia and I've been told I have ocd tendencies I guess. I was diagnosed a number of years ago and still have problems but in some ways I have gotten better.

After I post this it'll be real hard for to come back and see any or no responses. So who knows if I'll be able to reply back...

I've spent over 5 years in talk therapy and the most help I think I received was actually believing someone cared about me. Talking could make me think of new things I hadn't thought about to freak out over. Trying to think more positive thoughts to replace negative thoughts was frustrating because the negative thoughts or imaginings seems too plausible and real to me especially when I am freaking out about something. I think part of my problem is a good imagination that can go way out of control, imagining possible negative things happening or other's perception of me and my intentions. The positive thoughts would seem like I was lying to myself and unrealistic which would feel frustrating and sometimes make me feel mad.

So I've tried talk therapy and am in no mood to go talk anymore really.

I went to a new Dr. a couple months ago and never went back. I was immediately given Effexor XR even though I said I didn't want to take ssri type drugs (I realize it's not literally an ssri). But she gave me that and was actually told not to read the side effects. So I went on the internet....Which I would have done anyways.

I told the Dr. that I had already been on other ssri's and wellbutrin and also risperdal, I believe.

One drug made me gain a lot of weight. Another time I felt dead inside and without a soul. Wellbutrin was the only one I wasn't sure if it worked but I eventually quit and didn't feel any difference worthy of ever thinking of trying it again in my life.

I hoped she'd give me valium, though I did come up with other things on the net that weren't ssri's or benzo's. She did bring benzo's up, and told her I've been given them before travel and thought it actually helped with the anxiety. I've also had valium in other situations which made me quite social and feel good about initiating a social encounter/s.

Ok, so I'm not asking anyone to tell me what to take but I'm looking for something and I just don't see anything that really works but benzo's, which I don't have a prescription for.

I read about niacin and tried that. I don't think it did much but freak me out when I started getting progessively hot and my head felt like it was swelling. I was thinking, "oohhh crap, what did I do to myself!"???

I've tried Gabba and it seemed like it might have made me sleepier. Not really impressed and the two days in a row that I took it I had headaches which felt like I had a hangover. (I also regularly get what I believe are migraines which can effect my work attendance and certainly concentration at work and has once caused me to vomit.....My jaws also have been hurting more lately and longer periods of time...)

So I don't even know what to do. I never took the Effexor after reading about it on the internet. I worry about bad side effects from drugs. If they made me gain weight I'd feel worse since I work out and would like to lose a little bit of weight.

I also wondered if she (the Dr) thought I was bipolar because she mentioned something about it a couple times and said something like "interesting" with a smile on her face when I told her that I've been told I get in what someone has called my "ADD modes" where I can start acting like a hyper or playful child. But the person who says that thinks I am real funny.

Working out seems to help with my feelings a bit. Keeps the craziness down I figure. I recently got a dog and I've been told I've been noticeably more positive and all the dog walks have caused me to get out of the house and even talk to some people on the street. Somehow my dog being there can calm me down a little bit at times.

I just don't think there is any drug out there. I'm not completely convinced about this thing I get told about a "chemical imbalance". No one has ever taken a blood test or anything which told me my serotonin levels are at such and such and should be between this or that. They've only gone by how I tell them I feel and apparently if I started feeling better than my chemicals would be becoming more "balanced"?

In my experience they've only gone by how I feel. So why when there's this pill called valium (or xannax or whatever...) sitting over there which I say would most likely calm my anxiety it's still no good? It'll change how I feel, calm me down make me social and more positive, but it's taken off the table since it's addictive. Well, I researched Effexor and that seems pretty damn scary to me and withdrawl syndrome seems pretty unpleasant. But a Dr I never met before gives me a prescription for Effexor the very first time I meet her.

I personally don't want to be messing with my serotonin. (At least not at this point anymore as I know that religious experiences may or may not have something to do with serotonin and I would like them as well...)

I just want a benzo for some relief now, or for actually enjoying being social sometimes since I don't think anything helps. I'm tired of having to take drugs and constantly be asked how I feel and then feel bad for not really feeling any better. Or feel pressured to say I think that I do feel a little better and be positive about the meds...

Right now the most social thing I am doing, which is a lot for me, is work and going to a dog training class. Although my dog being there helps it still feels like work being around the people. I'd like to try paintball but it makes my stomach nervous even thinking about it and the anxiety and drain of it all.

Some might say I need to just throw myself into that stuff then but its so draining. Work drains me enough to where I get headaches and my jaws hurt...I wonder if there is good meds for migraines/headaches that also improve mood?

Maybe I am just venting since I worked up the effort to go to the Dr and was given pills as though it were just routine. And was given pills I pretty much said I didn't want.

Are there vitamins or drugs other than ssri's/snri's out there that are effective? I've heard of going to the Dr for vitamin B shots for moods. Is that true or work?

I've heard of Inositol. I've heard of fish oil....But who knows. I don't feel real positive about anything else but benzo's working.

I've heard of online pharmacies but I am not sure of the legalities of that or if it's legit.

I gave so much info about my anxiety and migraines in case anyone could suggest me goingto the Dr and asking about possible meds...

(please be nice)

[rcapo89]

Hi jedishy, welcome to SAS! I hope you will be able to share your thoughts, fears, and experiences with your fellow SA'ers. Don't worry people are understanding here.
This past year I have attended talk therapy with a therapist. Although its helped me set goals for my life it hasn't helped me cope with my SA. I have taken Paxil and Zoloft with no results. I'm thinking of switching to Nardil...
Anyway my name is Richard, its great to meet you!