you're trying to substitute legal pharmaceutical grade drugs for non-regulated legal drugs.... sounds like trying the same thing expecting different results to me more or less. Dude you've got to sit down with a DOC and really hammer tis out with him, WHY you're depressed, can't sleep, anxious, etc. and let him know u may have struggled with addictions to certain meds in the past. As I have read numerous times on this board (only being here a month) and as I also know from personal experience, if you are honest and truly care aboout your situation and do your homework, your doctor is often more than willing to rx you a med that may have abuse potential for you. this is not license to go chug the bottle obviously, but trust in the process a little and try the honest approach with ur doc.
My current dr. knows i have run the gambit of polysubstance abuse, specifically, heroin, cocaine, crack/cocaine, X, weed, every pharm u could think of,especially opiates and benzos and the occassional barbiturate
oh and alcohol.... how could we forget that *******.... i mean name it dude. it was my mission to try them all and to do them "right" (i.e. til i could do them no more). my psych knows all these, and since he has seen me, has put me on the max dose of suboxone, focalin (which i hated btw), max dose of vyvanse, 600 mg a day of lyrica, provigil, armodafanail, lorazepam, clonazepam..... and i discouraged him from other meds throughout bc i myself was afraid of going back to my addiction days. Well, i recently discovered about SAD about a month ago and it has been THE biggest "Ah-ha!" moment of my life....certain suggestions he made now make more sense... while others do not.... but i will continue to work with him and our relationship is perfect because it is found on a basis of mutual respect along with a desire to be mentally healthy.
didnt mean to ramble here buddy but my personal opinion is that u should go in there and be honest with and tell him what ur struggling and suffering from, while also being honest with him and also (this will require some effort on your part) doing your homework about all the different types of meds, what they do, how they interact, what effects you are wanting from them..... first law of war is know your enemy. well our enemy is our SAD, but our weapons are our meds... it would behoove you to know what kind of battle-axe you're heavin around