Hello and thanks for your feedback! I checked out that page. I'm not sure if the atypical depression fits me. In fact, that's how I kinda felt while on the SSRI's... overeating, slept like 16 hours, anhedonia, no libido, lethargic, inattentive etc. I'd frequently nap for no reason.
Switching to the Wellbutrin reversed most of that. But I mainly wanted to switch because of the sexual side effects which ironically made me more anxious. The SSRI's though were probably most helpful in treating the actual symptoms of the SAD. Now things are probably the opposite. I barely eat (maybe 1200-1500 calories a day tops, breakfast and dinner), can get by with just 6 hours of sleep and no need to nap, libido is pretty good but I wouldn't say overactive (I'm a 22 year old guy... so it should be kind of high) and I'm very attentive especially when it interests me.
I'm pretty familiar with biochemistry when it comes to neurotransmissions so those MOA's of Adderall make sense. I knew it had weak MAOI activity and could put VMAT and DAT in reverse. I did not know however that it wasn't a DA or NE reuptake inhibitor like Wellbutrin was or that it had DA/NE agonist activity.
The paranoia is extremely complex, and it is transient, but it almost always is associated with an anxious situation or anxiety attack at worst. An example would be sitting in class and thinking that people are making fun of me behind my back or that I'm being critiqued and laughed at. I often picture myself in other people's brains thinking what I would be thinking if I was them (if that makes sense): i.e. in a conversation I will be thinking about the person I'm talking to thinking about me and what they are probably saying to themselves (oh that kid is a loser or something) as we are talking. This is what I meant by hypervigilance - I almost feel too alert of what is going on around me at times and I rationalize these paranoid thoughts to make them seem very real.
So for another example, if I'm thinking about someone thinking about me, I will almost react as if it really has happened and feel anxious and embarrassed. Then I will "snowball" that problem into more problems... start feeling that I'm no good in general and want to just isolate myself to avoid these scenarios.
This "hypervigilance" started manifesting on the Wellbutrin and was probably worsened like you suggested when I started taking the Adderall because of the effects on enhancing dopamine. I never react angrily to my paranoia, nor do I ever act aggressively or blame someone else. It is always self-punishment(mental punishment, not physical)/self-loathing, introversion, sadness and depression.
A situation where I will become instantaneously angry or irrational would be best exemplified when I'm driving. I feel like on Adderall I need to drive fast (its nickname Speed applies well here) and when some other guy gets in front of me and is going "too slow" and I can't pass him, I'll flip out. I'll start cursing and make deep sighs and frustrate myself and work myself up to a bad mood just because "this jerk" has to drive the speed limit. Maybe that's a bad example since I'm a New York driver but it's little everyday annoyances like that which set me off. I also tend to get extremely angry in video games. If I lose, I take it personally and have broken many controllers from throwing them (that's as far as I've ever been violent though, only inanimate objects). This happened to a lesser extent on the Wellbutrin but the Adderall on top has amplified this aforementioned behavior.
A situation where I will become sad/depressed/anxious would be when plans I've made for the day or in advance get disrupted, altered, or don't play out as intended. Say, I want to grab lunch with a friend but he gets caught up -- I sometimes will feel depressed over that because now the plans are screwed up and I'm on my own. Or if I'm out drinking with some buddies and am having a good time but some girl gives me a weird look, it can set me off feeling bad about myself. The SAD kicks in big time there.
The crying fits are usually "triggered" by one of these small "setbacks" or "events" that derails me from whichever path I'm on for a day but the underlying cause is usually when I start thinking of all the stress and pressure I'm under in school and in life and how things aren't going well and I snowball them all up and just cry. For like 2-5 minutes. Then afterwards it's like I purged out all the bad emotion and I feel pretty good for a few days -- not much anxiety or depression.
The moodiness and night time depression I thought were from the Adderall. Obviously it wears off at night so I feel kinda depressed later in the day. The moodiness can happen whenever (even in the afternoon while on it). I probably feel best in the late morning, early afternoon but I think that coincides with the stimulant buzz I get from the drug, just usually blissful and ignorant to problems.
As for recreational drugs... well I used to smoke pot quite frequently (started doing so frequently about 2-2 1/2 years ago) but recently it has started to make me EXTREMELY paranoid almost to the point where I've felt my heart race out of fear/impending doom and when I'm with other people the social anxiety becomes unbearable, I get ridiculously hypervigilant, like 10 times more so than if it was just a usual day. So I've been scared to smoke these days as it makes anxiety worse.
Since I'm of age, alcohol is legal for me and I don't binge drink but I do periodically drink 1-2 high alc% beers to relax when I'm tense and I have (infrequently) mixed the 1-2 drinks with the low dose Xanax (0.25mg) to get a more loopy effect. But I know benzos +alcohol are dangerous so it's never a big mix.
I don't do anything else regularly but I have done LSD twice (2 years ago) and Mushrooms twice (most recently in September). Don't like those either because of anxiety.
I probably should mention supplements while I'm going through all this.
Since I have some background in chemistry, I thought it would be helpful if I co-administered my meds with 1500mg L-tyrosine, and 50mg of 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) to help replenish depleted DA/NE/SE from the Adderall so that I didn't have such bad crashes. I also take a multivitamin and fishoil with that.
No I have not discussed any of the minute details I have said here with my doctor because I don't want to freak him or my parents out. Plus I don't like the idea of being on 100 meds nor can I afford it.
Sorry for writing a book here, but thank you so much for your help thus far.