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Do I stay or do I go?

757 views 8 replies 6 participants last post by  elijahsusername 
#1 ·
Hi y'all. Here's my quandary. I was "unemployed" for a year and a half after finishing my first bachelor's degree at 27. I just turned 29 yesterday. I applied for an Americorps volunteer position with an NYC agency, and started working at my host site in early November.

I hate it.

I've never worked a full-time 9-5 office position in my life. A few 20-30 hour/week internships, semi-full-time jobs with scattered hours throughout the week, but never the same torturous routine day after day. I was ready to quit after the first two weeks or so, but I don't really have that luxury. I need to pay for tuition, rent, pay down student loan and credit card debt, etc. The position also comes with a lot of perks, covering transportation, and I will earn a $6,000 education award for completing 1700 hours of service at the end of the 10-month term. There's also the $1250 monthly living stipend which really helps.

But I really dislike working at this agency for a number of reasons.

As I already mentioned, the torturous routine. My six or so hours of sleep are fitful and I wake up filled with dread. I'd try to get 7-8 hours, but who have tons of other things to do in the evenings. The commute is annoying and soul-sucking. Then I get to the office. It's a city agency, so quite drab offices and cubicles, crammed onto one maze-like and claustrophobic floor. The employees are "fake-cheery" middle-class types, and here I am, the odd, quiet black guy (the office is surprisingly diverse, so that's not really a problem). I have two female supervisors, and trying to keep up with/placate both of them is proving to be impossible. I make my main supervisor so uncomfortable at times she can barely string together a coherent sentence. The three people I work next to (four cubicles crammed together), I barely talk to, but any interactions there are strained too. The whole department sprung a birthday celebration on me yesterday by surprise (which was sweet, but standard), but I managed to fumble that occasion as well.

Here's the thing. It could get worse or it could get more manageable with time. I'm buried in work all day anyway, so I really just plug in my headphones and plug away. But it's also a very social office and I'll be expected to participate in things, and of course, that's nerve wrecking. And there will be a lot of events and outreach stuff coming up. A part of me feels bad for disrupting the rhythm of the office, that things we're probably "better" before I came along, but that's my SA speaking.

Anyway, I'm barely functional at this point, but it has gotten very (slightly) more manageable the past couple weeks and might become even more so. But with all the duties the Americorps/volunteer service places on you ("professional development" monthly meetings i.e. circle jerks, filling out time and activity sheets, endless documentation, having to complete crazy number of service hours) then the workload and office politics at the actual work site, it might just be too much for me. I got by pretty well doing research studies most of this year, and I'm looking into freelance stuff right now. Also taking classes towards a second bachelor's and eventually grad school. I could always go back to a less stressful lifestyle, at least I'd have time to sleep, poop, write, think, and maybe get into therapy and really work on my multiple neuroses/afflictions.

Anyway, TL;DR. This is my SA story. I wish life wasn't so ****ing impossible at times. Maybe we just need to make things easier for ourselves and stop placing so much pressure on ourselves. Life in America, I guess.
 
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#2 ·
I served a year as an AmeriCorps VISTA. Fortunately, my site was awesome. It was a rural site and the work was unstructured and self-directed with very little pressure. I started projects that matched my strengths and avoided ones that caused me stress. I could have loafed around for a year and nobody would have known.

However, I knew others who were placed at less desirable sites with jerks as supervisors. Some of them terminated their service early. I discovered that there were a wide variety of sites, some good and some bad. I know I would have quit if I had gotten placed at some of the sites I heard about.

If I were you, I would try to stick it out. The tuition benefit is great and the service will look good on your resume. At least you have a definite end date. It won't last forever. With that said, no work situation is worth 24/7 anxiety and dread. If you have to quit, you have to quit.
 
#3 ·
Thanks solitarian. I'm gonna try to stick it out until the end of the year at least to see if it improves. I've also been trying to "fit in" with my colleagues, not quite succeeding yet. Today has been really trying because we had this big outreach thing (going to local businesses and informing them about changes in the law), and I really REALLY just wanna go home but have to head back to the office. Ugh. How do people do this ****?
 
#4 ·
Job-wise this is a year of regrets for me more so than any other year. I just quit a job just one week in because I had a better offer from a place I had applied at a while back. I weighed the pros and cons but could not decide and as usual I made a rushed decision which I now regret. The job I had just started was in a small office and I was uncomfortable with the tight-knit seating but my co-workers were all really nice and I felt comfortable with the work I was going to be doing. I let a little more money and a more flexible schedule lure me to a job which I may or may not like and now I'm agonizing over it. For me it's all about comfort and I felt I left a less intimidating smaller workplace for a larger one which I usually find more intimidating and stressful. I know now I should have taken a little more time to decide. This is definitely a year of lessons for me and in future I will look at things from all angles and thoroughly think about my choices. Sometimes some things we dislike about a workplace can be counter balanced by things we do like if they matter more to us. This is something I need to keep in mind...
 
#5 ·
Yeah, it gets worse. I'm resigning from this position tomorrow. Wrote letters to all my supervisors, and going to talk with my main supervisor. Sucks that I'm giving up a nearly $6,000 education award, but I can make the measly pittance of a stipend Americorps pays much quicker with much less stress and effort, fortunately.

Americorps is awful, possibly the worst thing a person with SA can put themselves through. Even people who enter relatively well end up damn near suicidal by the end. STAY AWAY.
 
#7 ·
I would quit my job if it's damaging for my mental and physical health. I wouldn't quit my job because it's boring or repetitive. That just the way life is repetitive routine. Most people are just waiting for that thrilling moment that are far and few in between. So don't quit.
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#8 ·
You remind me of me, well except I'm a girl...And also black lol. I'm a biochemistry grad and stuck in an office environment. I miss research and sticking in my headphones and not giving a f**k. Freelance and entrepreneurship seems the only way to go. I get tired of dealing with office b*tches and a*sholes all day. I hate female bosses so passive aggressive, catty sh*t. The corporate office politics and nonsense is not really for us introvert types, plain and simple.

Random and unrelated but I was thinking about why I didnt take advantage of my youth and get in trouble more as a kid. I shoulda beat some a** when I was getting bullied back then.Cant do sh*t about ******* bosses and coworkers as an adult without consequences. Best I can hope for is to hold out until I get mine and then tell the company and all its cock sucking managers go f**k yourself.
 
#9 ·
You remind me of me, well except I'm a girl...And also black lol. I'm a biochemistry grad and stuck in an office environment. I miss research and sticking in my headphones and not giving a f**k. Freelance and entrepreneurship seems the only way to go. I get tired of dealing with office b*tches and a*sholes all day. I hate female bosses so passive aggressive, catty sh*t. The corporate office politics and nonsense is not really for us introvert types, plain and simple.

Random and unrelated but I was thinking about why I didnt take advantage of my youth and get in trouble more as a kid. I shoulda beat some a** when I was getting bullied back then.Cant do sh*t about ******* bosses and coworkers as an adult without consequences. Best I can hope for is to hold out until I get mine and then tell the company and all its cock sucking managers go f**k yourself.
Yeah, it's the office politics that are the worst. I'm looking to making it work as a freelance writer, writing a book and trying to get my blog off the ground. It's the only way to go, or to get a job that doesn't involve the usual dynamics of a corporate or office environment.

I'd think with a biochemistry degree, you could get a job in a lab or something. Maybe I'm wrong. Can you go to grad school? I think school is light years more manageable than a full-time office job. Then again, we've all gotta pay dem bills.

Hope everything works out for you and you can get out of that environment, it's no good for the spirit. If you ever need to talk, hmu.
 
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