Social Anxiety Support

slavegod · 10-31-2009, 02:26 PM

I made some videos with me in it about my SAD

http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing

pixies · 10-31-2009, 04:17 PM

Nice!! That was really good. I wish more people knew about this illness and more talked about it and maybe it could be less of one of those unknown things that become a stigma or whatever. It's like depression, decades ago, depression used to be a really deep dark secret and you either kept it to yourself, or ran the risk of being hurried off to a padded cell or something! Now though, it's become more 'known' and it seems like half the world are on some kind of medication. I like that... I'm sad that lots of people have depression, but I'm happy that the world stops trying to cover it up and reject it and brush it under the carpet. It exists, it's here, it's common, ****ing deal with it world! Social Anxiety is the same.

It sucks you had it when you were in high school. I think I have had it all my life, but I think while I was at early school and high school, because I was surrounded by people all the time, it kept it at bay. So I was pretty ok at high school. I was a little bit shy and I avoided social stuff quite a lot, but I was ok if I did get involved in social things. So I am lucky. I didn't really get full blown social anxiety until a few years later, and I blame that partly on me finishing school completely and not being around people. Have a few years not being around anyone... and that really screwed me up.

But it's sad that you had it at high school because high school can be a lot of fun if you can do the social stuff, and it can be brutal and cruel too. I didn't really have any problems at high school at all, and yet I remember a few things that mean kids said to me. I was a "late bloomer" so I was called "No pubes!" for a year or so until they finally grew haha. I can laugh now but back then it was really horrible. I was always quite short too and I was amazed at how some kids would latch on to that, and use it be as cruel as they could possibly be, even though I really didn't give a crap about my height! "Kids can be so cruel" as they say, but when people say that, it makes it sound so trivial and it's not.... Kids being cruel at high school is absolutely devestating. So you have my sympathy.

However, it's all so meaningless. You are smart so you know this already. That bit where you talked about someone saying, "Why don't you just go away" or whatever.. You said it yourself, They are sons of *****es... It's SO cruel, so unnecessary, so stupid and so freakin bone headed, that it's not even worthy of any kind of emotional reaction, not now. It's all so meaningless. It's just kids, and although kids can be kinda cute, they don't even have fully formed brains

They are mean to people to reflect away from their own insecurities and problems. A few years later, many of them will be completely different people. I'm in my thirties now so I've seen how people change. There was one guy at my high school who I HATED. He was cruel to me a few times. About 3 years after high school, I saw him in a night club. He came and sat near me and he started chit chatting, and he offered to buy me a drink. He was SO nice and friendly, I wasn't even sure who he was at first. This was obviously his way of saying, "I'm a new guy now and I'm sorry for how I was." He really was a changed guy, I could really tell, and it wasn't an act. Some people never change of course, but that's their problem. But yeah, my point is that it's all so insignificant really. It is torture when you are going through it in high school, but as the years go by, high school becomes a strange old memory. High school life is just so different from real life, everyone's emotions are all a bit out of whack so it's all quite a surreal time when I think back. Just think about it. You got picked on for... wait for it.... BEING QUIET! Lol, big deal. What a crime eh?! I get depressed reading the newspapers each day, there are people out there who rape children, someone got stabbed, someone got all drunk and drove home and hit a 9 year old little girl and killed her, some guy who went to work for a cancer charity and then stole money and syphoned it off in to his own personal bank account, now those people are the scum bags of the world my friend. And meanwhile, some kid gets picked on at school because he is a bit quiet?! I don't even know the words to describe how silly that is.

But yeah... that's kids and high school for you. It's all a bit silly. It is no reflection on you as a person at all, or any of those other kids really.

What people go on to do as adults is what defines them. And even their 20's.... a lot of people spend their 20's partying and bumming around and doing not much productive. It's 30's that a lot of people start really getting down to business.

As for your social anxiety, what were you like as a young kid, before you got social anxiety? It's a shame because it says you are only 20, so if you have had social anxiety for several years, then it's been a big part of your life so far. With me, like I said, it didn't happen until I was around 21 or so, so I can remember my early and late teens and they were awesome. I would socialise a lot and things were good! Like I said, I was a bit shy and I avoided things a bit too much, but mostly I would go and have fun. My point is that as I said in a recent post, I consider this to be the REAL me. You don't have to act like Conan O'Brian in social situations to be successful, make friends, talk to girls, do whatever. Even quiet people do great in social situations. When I first went to university, there was a reeeeeally pretty girl that my friends and I used to see walking around, and she never talked to anyone and everyone assumed that she was a bit stuck up and aloof. But one day I was sat in the student union bar and it was late in the night and I was really drunk and all my friends were kind of wandering about half asleep and all drunk too. Then someone started talking to me and I turned and looked, and it was that girl! I could chat fine but I could tell she was a bit shy, and yet she was brave enough to come and sit by me and make small talk. So yeah, even shy people can talk to people and by simply talking to people you make friends, make girlfriends, and arrange social things that you find fun. So you shouldn't resign yourself to being shy and lonely forever. I bet the REAL you is perfectly capable of chatting to other people. If you really struggle with that (like I do now), then it's not really you, it's your illness. The weird thing about this illness is that it doesn't go by itself. It's not like the flu which wears off after a week or two anyway, even without medication. With Social Anxiety you will have it forever, unless you do something about it. The worst thing about it is that to really cure it, you have to fight it, and you have to fight it by doing what you fear the most. Going out and talking to people, and not avoiding social situations. It's simple really, when you start talking to people, it will get a bit easier. Talk to more people and it gets easier again. Talk to more people and it gets a lot easier. Eventually you will be able to talk to people without even thinking about it! It just takes practise, lots and lots of practise.

It's a simple solution, very simple, and it works! BUT, it's very hard to do. That is the key. You have to find the strength to throw yourself in to social situations. Start really small and easy and gradually get bigger. Go and buy a can of pepsi from a shop or something. Say have a nice day or something, that is step one. Do that a few more times, in different shops, and then go and do something else. Go to a library and ask them if they have a book you want. Get them to show you where it is and then thank them. Then go walk through town and ask someone the time and thank them. There is all kinds of stuff you can do, and if you keep doing it, it just gets easier and easier. I am at this point now. I have done this and it worked, and after a few weeks of talking to people I was confident again and my social anxiety had almost gone. But then I stopped and it all went wrong. The key is doing it and keep going and going.

That is where I am at in my life now. I have wasted years hoping that I may some day find the inspiration to beat this, but it never comes. You have to force yourself to do things and then don't stop. I have now got a gym membership and I am going there twice a week with some friends, and I will do it. And I am also going to do something else. Night classes to learn Spanish or a cooking class or something. It will be hard at first, but it will get easier. Eventually I will be comfortable in these situations and then I can do even more. Eventually I will be back to my normal self. I hope you can make good progress too!

semidetached · 10-31-2009, 05:09 PM

I can relate to the things you are saying so much it's untrue. I know that everyone's story is individual, but some of them seem so absurdly similar it's insane. Thank you for making me feel a bit less alone in my experiences.

hushhush · 10-31-2009, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slavegod

comment on youtube?

http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing

i like it. good job. I can relate to your high school experience. I also had delusions about a new start when i entered college - exactly as you described it - but it never happened. i was the same. and whenever it happens it dies down. I am scared about grad school, which i'll start next year.
very good job on the video. it was very brave of you to make it. sometimes i forget there are other people like me, but some of the things you describe are so similar to my experiences as well.

slavegod · 11-06-2009, 11:53 PM

HERES THE LAST FEW

http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/2/-i4wYbu7RT0

http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/1/1NdI2OErVR8

and

http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/0/NMYWrcvWIHY

10-31-2009, 02:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
slavegod Status: Darker Than Black Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Edmonton Gender: Male Posts: 18	Would you like to comment on my SAD video I made some videos with me in it about my SAD http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing

10-31-2009, 04:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
pixies Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Male Posts: 144	Nice!! That was really good. I wish more people knew about this illness and more talked about it and maybe it could be less of one of those unknown things that become a stigma or whatever. It's like depression, decades ago, depression used to be a really deep dark secret and you either kept it to yourself, or ran the risk of being hurried off to a padded cell or something! Now though, it's become more 'known' and it seems like half the world are on some kind of medication. I like that... I'm sad that lots of people have depression, but I'm happy that the world stops trying to cover it up and reject it and brush it under the carpet. It exists, it's here, it's common, **ing deal with it world! Social Anxiety is the same. It sucks you had it when you were in high school. I think I have had it all my life, but I think while I was at early school and high school, because I was surrounded by people all the time, it kept it at bay. So I was pretty ok at high school. I was a little bit shy and I avoided social stuff quite a lot, but I was ok if I did get involved in social things. So I am lucky. I didn't really get full blown social anxiety until a few years later, and I blame that partly on me finishing school completely and not being around people. Have a few years not being around anyone... and that really screwed me up. But it's sad that you had it at high school because high school can be a lot of fun if you can do the social stuff, and it can be brutal and cruel too. I didn't really have any problems at high school at all, and yet I remember a few things that mean kids said to me. I was a "late bloomer" so I was called "No pubes!" for a year or so until they finally grew haha. I can laugh now but back then it was really horrible. I was always quite short too and I was amazed at how some kids would latch on to that, and use it be as cruel as they could possibly be, even though I really didn't give a crap about my height! "Kids can be so cruel" as they say, but when people say that, it makes it sound so trivial and it's not.... Kids being cruel at high school is absolutely devestating. So you have my sympathy. However, it's all so meaningless. You are smart so you know this already. That bit where you talked about someone saying, "Why don't you just go away" or whatever.. You said it yourself, They are sons of ***es... It's SO cruel, so unnecessary, so stupid and so freakin bone headed, that it's not even worthy of any kind of emotional reaction, not now. It's all so meaningless. It's just kids, and although kids can be kinda cute, they don't even have fully formed brains They are mean to people to reflect away from their own insecurities and problems. A few years later, many of them will be completely different people. I'm in my thirties now so I've seen how people change. There was one guy at my high school who I HATED. He was cruel to me a few times. About 3 years after high school, I saw him in a night club. He came and sat near me and he started chit chatting, and he offered to buy me a drink. He was SO nice and friendly, I wasn't even sure who he was at first. This was obviously his way of saying, "I'm a new guy now and I'm sorry for how I was." He really was a changed guy, I could really tell, and it wasn't an act. Some people never change of course, but that's their problem. But yeah, my point is that it's all so insignificant really. It is torture when you are going through it in high school, but as the years go by, high school becomes a strange old memory. High school life is just so different from real life, everyone's emotions are all a bit out of whack so it's all quite a surreal time when I think back. Just think about it. You got picked on for... wait for it.... BEING QUIET! Lol, big deal. What a crime eh?! I get depressed reading the newspapers each day, there are people out there who rape children, someone got stabbed, someone got all drunk and drove home and hit a 9 year old little girl and killed her, some guy who went to work for a cancer charity and then stole money and syphoned it off in to his own personal bank account, now those people are the scum bags of the world my friend. And meanwhile, some kid gets picked on at school because he is a bit quiet?! I don't even know the words to describe how silly that is. But yeah... that's kids and high school for you. It's all a bit silly. It is no reflection on you as a person at all, or any of those other kids really. What people go on to do as adults is what defines them. And even their 20's.... a lot of people spend their 20's partying and bumming around and doing not much productive. It's 30's that a lot of people start really getting down to business. As for your social anxiety, what were you like as a young kid, before you got social anxiety? It's a shame because it says you are only 20, so if you have had social anxiety for several years, then it's been a big part of your life so far. With me, like I said, it didn't happen until I was around 21 or so, so I can remember my early and late teens and they were awesome. I would socialise a lot and things were good! Like I said, I was a bit shy and I avoided things a bit too much, but mostly I would go and have fun. My point is that as I said in a recent post, I consider this to be the REAL me. You don't have to act like Conan O'Brian in social situations to be successful, make friends, talk to girls, do whatever. Even quiet people do great in social situations. When I first went to university, there was a reeeeeally pretty girl that my friends and I used to see walking around, and she never talked to anyone and everyone assumed that she was a bit stuck up and aloof. But one day I was sat in the student union bar and it was late in the night and I was really drunk and all my friends were kind of wandering about half asleep and all drunk too. Then someone started talking to me and I turned and looked, and it was that girl! I could chat fine but I could tell she was a bit shy, and yet she was brave enough to come and sit by me and make small talk. So yeah, even shy people can talk to people and by simply talking to people you make friends, make girlfriends, and arrange social things that you find fun. So you shouldn't resign yourself to being shy and lonely forever. I bet the REAL you is perfectly capable of chatting to other people. If you really struggle with that (like I do now), then it's not really you, it's your illness. The weird thing about this illness is that it doesn't go by itself. It's not like the flu which wears off after a week or two anyway, even without medication. With Social Anxiety you will have it forever, unless you do something about it. The worst thing about it is that to really cure it, you have to fight it, and you have to fight it by doing what you fear the most. Going out and talking to people, and not avoiding social situations. It's simple really, when you start talking to people, it will get a bit easier. Talk to more people and it gets easier again. Talk to more people and it gets a lot easier. Eventually you will be able to talk to people without even thinking about it! It just takes practise, lots and lots of practise. It's a simple solution, very simple, and it works! BUT, it's very hard to do. That is the key. You have to find the strength to throw yourself in to social situations. Start really small and easy and gradually get bigger. Go and buy a can of pepsi from a shop or something. Say have a nice day or something, that is step one. Do that a few more times, in different shops, and then go and do something else. Go to a library and ask them if they have a book you want. Get them to show you where it is and then thank them. Then go walk through town and ask someone the time and thank them. There is all kinds of stuff you can do, and if you keep doing it, it just gets easier and easier. I am at this point now. I have done this and it worked, and after a few weeks of talking to people I was confident again and my social anxiety had almost gone. But then I stopped and it all went wrong. The key is doing it and keep going and going. That is where I am at in my life now. I have wasted years hoping that I may some day find the inspiration to beat this, but it never comes. You have to force yourself to do things and then don't stop. I have now got a gym membership and I am going there twice a week with some friends, and I will do it. And I am also going to do something else. Night classes to learn Spanish or a cooking class or something. It will be hard at first, but it will get easier. Eventually I will be comfortable in these situations and then I can do even more. Eventually I will be back to my normal self. I hope you can make good progress too!

10-31-2009, 05:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
semidetached Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 35	I can relate to the things you are saying so much it's untrue. I know that everyone's story is individual, but some of them seem so absurdly similar it's insane. Thank you for making me feel a bit less alone in my experiences.

11-06-2009, 11:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
slavegod Status: Darker Than Black Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Edmonton Gender: Male Posts: 18	HERES THE LAST FEW http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/2/-i4wYbu7RT0 http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/1/1NdI2OErVR8 and http://www.youtube.com/user/UofKing#p/a/u/0/NMYWrcvWIHY