Social Anxiety Support

Cheerleader · 11-02-2009, 01:33 PM

I mean at a club, not some fancy concert.

There's this friend I'm going with regularly, but lately she's busy and there are at least 2 shows that I'd really, really like to see (one of them is in a few days).
I've never done this before, and I was thinking - it shouldn't be weird, right? Cause it's a music show, you come to hear the music, not to hang out with your friends... and everytime I go I see lots of people (okay, not lots, but enough people) that are going by themselves (I sometimes pity them, though, but maybe that's only because of my SA).

I worry, don't know if I'll be able to handle this... What do you think?

Oh, and also (this is gonna sound weird, but it's the true) - When you're going all by yourself there's a bigger possibility that someone will approach you and start hitting on you.
Well - this is not my problem. I'm afraid that it won't happen and then I will judge myself and wouldn't stop asking myself the entire evening why it didn't happen. 'Am I ugly? Do I look stupid? Am I fat?' Etc.

shyvr6 · 11-02-2009, 01:45 PM

Yes, I would go.

ostorozhno · 11-02-2009, 02:26 PM

I guess it just depends on how severe your SA is. I don't think I'd be able to go alone, but it might not be a problem for others. I don't think people would pay attention to you if you went since everyone is there for the music.

fluch · 11-02-2009, 02:54 PM

I go to shows alone all the time, if I didn't I wouldn't get to go at all. If you like the music enough a little awkwardness is a small price...
For the most part people are too wound up in themselves to really notice you anyway. The worst part is obviously waiting around before anything happens, but after that you can just forget about it all & just enjoy it. That's what I find at least.

softspoken · 11-02-2009, 06:39 PM

Thinking about it, yes I would. Actually doing it is another thing. I'd have to see how I felt the day of. I get anxious even when I go with other people, but going alone could take that away because I know I could act a fool and dance without worrying about anyone I know seeing me.

Please be careful. Since you are young and a girl - let someone know when you should be home and where you're going. Don't accept drinks (if there are any) from anyone - well, I'm sure you know the deal. I'm sure you will get hit on - someone will see you by yourself and try to dance with you or something.

AshCash · 11-02-2009, 06:40 PM

I would because if I go with someone else I feel that I'm always worried if I'm being entertaining enough or not and I like the chance to be my own person,instead of hiding behind someone else.

IHeartSteveMcQueen · 11-02-2009, 06:42 PM

other than the past year or so I go to shows often. sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. If its a smaller venue I assume everyone will be standing? its a lot easier that way, especially when the band comes on, its like you are part of one big soul. last show I went to was in a different city and I went by myself and ended up in a bar at closing time talking **** with some random Americans.

Sierra83 · 11-02-2009, 06:43 PM

I've never been to a show alone before, but one time I went with a few friends and they stayed upstairs while I went into the mosh pit. Had a great time and no one bothered me or hit on me. Just go and enjoy yourself regardless of what happens.

NewDayErDay · 11-02-2009, 07:02 PM

Im guessing only if its some kind of indie or very small show. Otherwise, f*** no.

astontsui · 11-03-2009, 06:59 AM

well if you're agoraphobic thats pretty rough but social anxiety only then it's highly unlikely anyone random would approach you to start a conversation or something (or even really notice you) unless you're damn good looking.

if it was someone I REALLY wanted to see i'd definitely go...its the things we DON'T do in life that we regret, not the things we DO do, right?

pixies · 11-03-2009, 07:11 AM

I think it's a great idea. I wish I had the balls to do it. My therapist told me to do it in fact but I need to push myself now to go.

People go to places by themselves all the time. Some people go to clubs by themselves, because they are alone and can do thier own thing and are more approachable to the opposite sex and if they do hook up, they can leave with them without abandoning their friends etc. And people go to music shows all the time too. It's normal, I am just scared of it because of my SA.

Toad Licker · 11-03-2009, 10:51 AM

I would go only if I'd been there before with someone else first, I wouldn't be able to go out to a new place alone that I've never been to before.

Haydsmom2007 · 11-03-2009, 01:00 PM

If you go alone you give the impression that you are confident. You're confident enough to go to a show alone and you don't need to have the comfort of someone else there with you. (Even though that's not really how you feel on the inside.)

Yes I would go alone. I go to restaraunts by myself. I would go to a movie by myself if there was a movie I really wanted to see. There's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself.

Zaleth · 11-07-2009, 08:44 AM

Depends on the show. If it's a good show, then yes. If it's a band I don't know about or the music they play, I would stay home instead.

nothing to fear · 11-07-2009, 08:50 AM

i went to my first show alone a year or two ago, so since then most i've attended i've been on my own. it's fine for me, although i still struggle with socializing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haydsmom2007

If you go alone you give the impression that you are confident. You're confident enough to go to a show alone and you don't need to have the comfort of someone else there with you. (Even though that's not really how you feel on the inside.)

Yes I would go alone. I go to restaraunts by myself. I would go to a movie by myself if there was a movie I really wanted to see. There's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself.

yes when i tell even non-SA people that i go to concerts alone, they think it's pretty cool that i can do that while still not caring and just doing it because i love the music so much. being independent and pushing yourself to do things because you want to, regardless of the situation, is a very good thing.

layitontheline · 11-07-2009, 08:57 AM

I've never been, so I wouldn't go alone for the first few times. But once I was familiar with the situation and all, I would perhaps go alone if I thought I would feel comfortable enough.

Unlikely hero · 11-07-2009, 08:58 AM

I use to go all the time by myself. Go for the music, not the social interactions.

FakeFur · 11-07-2009, 10:06 AM

My college held a concert with a few famous artists two months ago, and I went all by myself. I had a good time, but felt like such a loser, since everyone else went with friends and I was all alone. But with just a music show at a club, I would go and not feel like a loser. It wouldn't be a big deal to me.

joejoe · 11-07-2009, 10:18 AM

yes

namastecadet · 11-07-2009, 10:22 AM

yes, but i would be cautious and wary of my surroundings. just a couple of weeks ago, a 20 year old girl went missing at a Metallica concert and she was with friends. it was probably a pretty large venue, which is not the case for a majority of concerts, but it would be good if you can tell someone that your going.

sorry if i sound like debby downer, it's not my intention to detour you from going.

11-02-2009, 01:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Cheerleader Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 9	Would you go to a music show by yourself? I mean at a club, not some fancy concert. There's this friend I'm going with regularly, but lately she's busy and there are at least 2 shows that I'd really, really like to see (one of them is in a few days). I've never done this before, and I was thinking - it shouldn't be weird, right? Cause it's a music show, you come to hear the music, not to hang out with your friends... and everytime I go I see lots of people (okay, not lots, but enough people) that are going by themselves (I sometimes pity them, though, but maybe that's only because of my SA). I worry, don't know if I'll be able to handle this... What do you think? Oh, and also (this is gonna sound weird, but it's the true) - When you're going all by yourself there's a bigger possibility that someone will approach you and start hitting on you. Well - this is not my problem. I'm afraid that it won't happen and then I will judge myself and wouldn't stop asking myself the entire evening why it didn't happen. 'Am I ugly? Do I look stupid? Am I fat?' Etc.

11-02-2009, 01:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,645	Yes, I would go. __________________ Music

11-02-2009, 02:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
ostorozhno Status: Император Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: In the wrong place Gender: Female Posts: 160	I guess it just depends on how severe your SA is. I don't think I'd be able to go alone, but it might not be a problem for others. I don't think people would pay attention to you if you went since everyone is there for the music. __________________ Швеция ● Германия ● Россия ● Франция ● Румыния

11-02-2009, 06:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
IHeartSteveMcQueen Status: lost in the supermarket Join Date: May 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Posts: 1,408	other than the past year or so I go to shows often. sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. If its a smaller venue I assume everyone will be standing? its a lot easier that way, especially when the band comes on, its like you are part of one big soul. last show I went to was in a different city and I went by myself and ended up in a bar at closing time talking **** with some random Americans. __________________ If Adolf Hitler flew in today , they'd send a limousine anyway

11-02-2009, 06:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sierra83 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: London, ON, Canada Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,832	I've never been to a show alone before, but one time I went with a few friends and they stayed upstairs while I went into the mosh pit. Had a great time and no one bothered me or hit on me. Just go and enjoy yourself regardless of what happens. __________________ "Believe that life can change That you're not stuck in vain" -- The Smashing Pumpkins, "Tonight, Tonight"

11-02-2009, 02:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
fluch Status: in another moment... Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 101	I go to shows alone all the time, if I didn't I wouldn't get to go at all. If you like the music enough a little awkwardness is a small price... For the most part people are too wound up in themselves to really notice you anyway. The worst part is obviously waiting around before anything happens, but after that you can just forget about it all & just enjoy it. That's what I find at least.

11-02-2009, 06:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
softspoken Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Maryland Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 39	Thinking about it, yes I would. Actually doing it is another thing. I'd have to see how I felt the day of. I get anxious even when I go with other people, but going alone could take that away because I know I could act a fool and dance without worrying about anyone I know seeing me. Please be careful. Since you are young and a girl - let someone know when you should be home and where you're going. Don't accept drinks (if there are any) from anyone - well, I'm sure you know the deal. I'm sure you will get hit on - someone will see you by yourself and try to dance with you or something.

11-02-2009, 06:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
AshCash Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 57	I would because if I go with someone else I feel that I'm always worried if I'm being entertaining enough or not and I like the chance to be my own person,instead of hiding behind someone else.

11-02-2009, 07:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
NewDayErDay Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 31	Im guessing only if its some kind of indie or very small show. Otherwise, f*** no.

11-03-2009, 06:59 AM	#10 (permalink)
astontsui Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	well if you're agoraphobic thats pretty rough but social anxiety only then it's highly unlikely anyone random would approach you to start a conversation or something (or even really notice you) unless you're damn good looking. if it was someone I REALLY wanted to see i'd definitely go...its the things we DON'T do in life that we regret, not the things we DO do, right?

11-03-2009, 07:11 AM	#11 (permalink)
pixies Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Male Posts: 144	I think it's a great idea. I wish I had the balls to do it. My therapist told me to do it in fact but I need to push myself now to go. People go to places by themselves all the time. Some people go to clubs by themselves, because they are alone and can do thier own thing and are more approachable to the opposite sex and if they do hook up, they can leave with them without abandoning their friends etc. And people go to music shows all the time too. It's normal, I am just scared of it because of my SA.

11-03-2009, 10:51 AM	#12 (permalink)
Toad Licker Status: Broken Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A Fruitloop Daydream Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 29,638	I would go only if I'd been there before with someone else first, I wouldn't be able to go out to a new place alone that I've never been to before. __________________ All will wither, go to sleep The ones you love you may not keep All you touch will fall apart The dreams you kill will break your heart There's no mercy, there's no rest The void will scream within your chest No one knows and no one will So leave this place that makes you Ill - Madder Mortem

11-03-2009, 01:00 PM	#13 (permalink)
Haydsmom2007 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kansas City Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 198	If you go alone you give the impression that you are confident. You're confident enough to go to a show alone and you don't need to have the comfort of someone else there with you. (Even though that's not really how you feel on the inside.) Yes I would go alone. I go to restaraunts by myself. I would go to a movie by myself if there was a movie I really wanted to see. There's nothing wrong with doing things by yourself.

11-07-2009, 08:44 AM	#14 (permalink)
Zaleth Status: hack cough gack Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Ontario Gender: Male Posts: 483	Depends on the show. If it's a good show, then yes. If it's a band I don't know about or the music they play, I would stay home instead.

11-07-2009, 08:57 AM	#16 (permalink)
layitontheline Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Eh? Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 321	I've never been, so I wouldn't go alone for the first few times. But once I was familiar with the situation and all, I would perhaps go alone if I thought I would feel comfortable enough.

11-07-2009, 10:18 AM	#19 (permalink)
joejoe Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: orange county, california Gender: Male Posts: 159	yes __________________ "When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed wondering where my brother was."-- Mitch Hedberg

11-07-2009, 08:58 AM	#17 (permalink)
Unlikely hero Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 116	I use to go all the time by myself. Go for the music, not the social interactions.

11-07-2009, 10:06 AM	#18 (permalink)
FakeFur Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 44	My college held a concert with a few famous artists two months ago, and I went all by myself. I had a good time, but felt like such a loser, since everyone else went with friends and I was all alone. But with just a music show at a club, I would go and not feel like a loser. It wouldn't be a big deal to me.

11-07-2009, 10:22 AM	#20 (permalink)
namastecadet Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 104	yes, but i would be cautious and wary of my surroundings. just a couple of weeks ago, a 20 year old girl went missing at a Metallica concert and she was with friends. it was probably a pretty large venue, which is not the case for a majority of concerts, but it would be good if you can tell someone that your going. sorry if i sound like debby downer, it's not my intention to detour you from going.