It can definitely feel like a hopeless struggle fighting something like SA. Trying one thing after the other, feeling a little progress, then being dumped on your *** again. Many people go through this process many times over and when the frustration of feeling like nothing will ever change is comboned with someone who seems to ignore what you have been through, yeh - I would get pissed off too. Its like, "how the hell can you know what I have been through and what its like for me? Yeah you have SA too - but you arent ME".
You raise a good point Ted. I think more often than not that when people write things like "you just need to work hard" that it is out of frustration, and also of wanting to help and - perhaps more than a little - to be accepted by the person they are writing to. To give someone advice, and to have them go "cool! I will try that!" is a real buzz and its certainly what always motivated me to write advice type posts. If the person reaqcts angrily, then that feels like a rejection of ME as a person, when it isnt. I can see that I was very often guilty of not having empathy for people on this site. For me, fighting has been a lifelong thing. I can remember it starting when I was THREE, and every year since has been overcoming what I originally thought was depression / anxiety, finally overcoming the anxiety and then finding out that I have BPD. Something in me always said "you are going to beat this - the illness is not YOU - there is so much more underneath and one day all this **** will end". That made me obsessive - every spare hour I had went into 'overcoming'. Yes I was looking in the wrong place - CBT will not overcome Borderline PD. If I had known about schema years ago things may have been different. I had a 'near miss' with my first CBT therapist in that the RELATIONSHIP I had with my therapist turbocharged the CBT. This is typical of treating BPD with schema therapy, where the relationship is the core healing element. I didnt realise it at the time and spent years trying to get that back, knocking on the wrong door of ONLY MY OBVIOUS, SURFACE SYMPTOMS - depression and anxiety.
And I think thats the point - everyone has to find their own path. To try one thing, and then another. If there is no one in your life to help yu keep going when you have a failure, then it is much much harder. It means picking yourself up and going again. For me that was always easy because of my obsession with becoming all that i felt I could be. i dont know where that drive came from, but Im glad it was there.
I think that it helps to learn to understand other peoples views. SAS has, painfully - taught me the importance of this. There are methods and approcahes and therapies out there that can help people - many people. But its not as simple as just getting into therapy. There are many more factors that make even that seem impossible, there are many other factors that work against getting better - and these are a part if each persons humanity. Everyone has unique struggles, but everyone needs to be understood and to feel that their pain is understood, and no one should be criticised for being WHEREVER THEY ARE on that recovery spectrum.
I have got frustrated here many times, but I have learned that when I do I have something to learn at that time. People have been frustrated with me in exactly the same way in the past, but it was not until I felt LISTENED TO that finally I began to make progress.
CBT theraspists that lack the 'human touch' tend to want to apply only technique, without realising they are dealing with a PERSON. The approaches can work - but if the person is not heard, the therapy will be far harder as the person feels "this guy just isnt listening to me - he's stuck up his own ***".
For me I have learned that if I want to help people, I need to listen to them and unserstand what they feel and need before anything else. Thats hard to do on a website with 1000's of people, but for sure the guys here who ARE making progress have a valuable lesson to learn - to empathise, understand and see the person behind the post. I think that would bring some big changes here.
Anyways good post Ted