Social Anxiety Support

jfk1116 · 03-02-2009, 11:53 AM

I have had many (all) of my relationships end because of my anxiety. I was wondering if there are women out there who have had these same problems. I have had many girlfriends, but I have been single for too long now. I am tired of being lonely. I am in coulseling now to work on my life. I hope this will result in more confidence. I am good with physical contact but I always end up running out of things to say and get very nervous. Which eventually leads to the downfall of my relationship. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

Hoppipolla · 03-02-2009, 01:31 PM

If by relationship problems you mean that I've never had one, then yes.

I think you're in the right track, though. Counseling might help. It's not like you haven't been in a relationship before, so you'll just need that small boost of confidence.

nothing to fear · 03-02-2009, 03:09 PM

definitely. i had to end my only short relationship because my anxiety and stress over the social component was so bad.
that was a while ago and my SA has improved somewhat, but i'm still not sure if i'm ready for a relationship - although i do often wish i had someone. i'm taking it one step at a time, first working on the basics (i.e. school, friends) then moving up from there.

good luck with the counseling. =)

Ashram · 03-02-2009, 05:11 PM

Yeah. I've had an ex accuse me of being "nothing but a ball of annoying neuroses". I've had friends of the same ex dub me "allergic to fun". Well, I'm kinda glad I'm rid of that one, actually >_>

I agree with the others, I think counselling will definitely help. And if you find yourself in a relationship again, it might help to explain your SA to her (even through email or something if it's easier); most people are pretty understanding about that kind of thing if it's explained to them and then at least she'll know you've got a reason for being awkward.

Seiki · 03-02-2009, 05:36 PM

Yea I currently have problems with my "relationship" because of my social anxiety problem.
Every single time I see him or chat with him online, my mind goes blank.
He oven says "you're quiet" or ask me what's on my mind just for me to say something.

But lately it's been getting to him. He told me he wants to see me open up to him more.... and I told him I'm trying too.. which I honestly have been..

but... apparently there's not enough proof there that actually shows that I am.. since I'm still a quiet mute. ~_~;
We recently got into some arguments over it... and told me that I really gotta work on this and he feels that I'm just fooling around and not keeping my word on it.
I am keeping my word on it, 100%. It's just.... so very hard especially when I really don't know how or where to start working on it... honestly.

nothing to fear · 03-02-2009, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seiki

Yea I currently have problems with my "relationship" because of my social anxiety problem.
Every single time I see him or chat with him online, my mind goes blank.
He oven says "you're quiet" or ask me what's on my mind just for me to say something.

But lately it's been getting to him. He told me he wants to see me open up to him more.... and I told him I'm trying too.. which I honestly have been..

but... apparently there's not enough proof there that actually shows that I am.. since I'm still a quiet mute. ~_~;
We recently got into some arguments over it... and told me that I really gotta work on this and he feels that I'm just fooling around and not keeping my word on it.
I am keeping my word on it, 100%. It's just.... so very hard especially when I really don't know how or where to start working on it... honestly.

aw Seiki, i know exactly what that feels like.

basically word-for-word how my only short relationship went for me. i didn't talk much; he got frustrated, i'd feel even more guilty and say i'll change but never did, etc. he always meant well but it hurt my self-esteem that i couldn't even do it and i ended up calling it off, for the better.

lissette · 03-02-2009, 06:53 PM

Yeah, it's definitely had an impact. I'm good in the first couple of dates but when it reaches the point where I actually have to open up, I freeze. Guys either think that I'm just really boring and quiet or that I'm not interested in them.

gnuSuL · 03-02-2009, 07:12 PM

I cannot tell you the number of relationship that have gone south because of this one emotion. Even when I tell them upfront this is a problem they still get frustrated with me. It really stinks because sometimes its really not sad as much as it is just being internal thought wise. Its kinda like a retreat to the inside of myself and it makes the rest of me seem like a sad shell. I think its the silence that kills them the most. Guys say they want women to shut up and then we do and its difficult for them. So is the attachment to being home. I can go out but not all the time and not with large groups and you can forget venturing out during the holidays that's just mean. Dunno what to tell you dude, find a girl with with depression but is taking her meds....

Breakfast0fChampions · 03-02-2009, 07:31 PM

My last relationship failed because of my SA.

But he was an idiot anyway.

yellowpaper · 03-02-2009, 08:38 PM

My SA helped to "ruin" my last relationship bc it inhibited my ability to socialize with his (ex) extensive network of family, friends, friends of family, friends of friends, random people, etc, on a constant basis. But that's ok, because I'd rather not, with or without SA.

Black_Widow · 03-02-2009, 10:50 PM

Well it's not always been this way, but unfortunately in recent times it has led to quite a big strain in my current relationship. It did happen that just recently I thought we might split up, though right now we're both trying to work on things as best we can.

jfk1116 · 03-03-2009, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jfk1116

I have had many (all) of my relationships end because of my anxiety. I was wondering if there are women out there who have had these same problems. I have had many girlfriends, but I have been single for too long now. I am tired of being lonely. I am in coulseling now to work on my life. I hope this will result in more confidence. I am good with physical contact but I always end up running out of things to say and get very nervous. Which eventually leads to the downfall of my relationship. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

I should clarify. By relationships I mean I have had alot of girlfriends but my longest relationships were usually around 3or 4 months. Or only a couple of weeks or so. I have also been on alot of dates but have had nothing long term.

Olazet91 · 03-03-2009, 02:06 PM

I never had a relationship but I was close at one time except I screwed things up with my SA. I never did open up despite the guy's efforts to make me feel more comfortable in order to show my true self and give the relationship a chance. Eventually he lost interest because the situation seemed pretty hopeless as it was.

Iced Soul · 03-03-2009, 02:35 PM

Relationship. I can't even get to that point because of my SA. Just friends I tend to cut off or lose because of my SA, so I know it won't ever get to the relationship phase.
I met a guy a little while ago (about two weeks ago) and it was going fine until he decided that I was too 'shy'. Apparently, I didn't stick up for myself, I let him have too much control, and I was beginning to become uninteresting because I wouldn't initiate anything. All of this is true, but it still hurts. Especially since he just told me this yesterday.

It's just got me all depressed because I think he really liked me. I know I liked him.

CrystalBear · 03-03-2009, 06:27 PM

Once I find someone to be with I have the habbit of clinging to them and using them as my main source of social interaction. Because of my SA. Guys can get annoyed of clingly behavior. And its dangerous for me because I'm definately "putting all my eggs in one basket" Theres more issues too, but thats a big one for me.

Breakfast0fChampions · 03-03-2009, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrystalBear

Once I find someone to be with I have the habbit of clinging to them and using them as my main source of social interaction. Because of my SA. Guys can get annoyed of clingly behavior. And its dangerous for me because I'm definately "putting all my eggs in one basket" Theres more issues too, but thats a big one for me.

Same here, this is what happened to me in my last relationship.

I'm never doing that again.

MissMay1977 · 03-04-2009, 04:16 AM

My relationships fail not only because of my SA but because of other disorders I have.

bezoomny · 03-04-2009, 05:24 AM

I have a bad habit of coming off as "excessively sensitive," "full of issues," "emotionally needy," and, my favorite, "overly desiring of a relationship." This is nearly entirely because I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to pursuing a relationship, dating, or flirting. So I get reverse-friendzoned, which is exactly like being friendzoned only you're a girl. Actually, I don't really believe in the friendzone. But men will avoid relationships with me at all costs and instead become my friend. They seem to like me just fine as a friend, though.

03-02-2009, 11:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
jfk1116 Status: Taking Action Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ca Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 463	Women--do you have relationship problems due to sad I have had many (all) of my relationships end because of my anxiety. I was wondering if there are women out there who have had these same problems. I have had many girlfriends, but I have been single for too long now. I am tired of being lonely. I am in coulseling now to work on my life. I hope this will result in more confidence. I am good with physical contact but I always end up running out of things to say and get very nervous. Which eventually leads to the downfall of my relationship. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

03-02-2009, 03:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
nothing to fear Status: ^_^ Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Toronto, Canada Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 5,589	definitely. i had to end my only short relationship because my anxiety and stress over the social component was so bad. that was a while ago and my SA has improved somewhat, but i'm still not sure if i'm ready for a relationship - although i do often wish i had someone. i'm taking it one step at a time, first working on the basics (i.e. school, friends) then moving up from there. good luck with the counseling. =) __________________ everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt. ~ i really like music. and photography, though i'm nothing special.

03-02-2009, 07:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
gnuSuL Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Raleigh, NC Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 15	I cannot tell you the number of relationship that have gone south because of this one emotion. Even when I tell them upfront this is a problem they still get frustrated with me. It really stinks because sometimes its really not sad as much as it is just being internal thought wise. Its kinda like a retreat to the inside of myself and it makes the rest of me seem like a sad shell. I think its the silence that kills them the most. Guys say they want women to shut up and then we do and its difficult for them. So is the attachment to being home. I can go out but not all the time and not with large groups and you can forget venturing out during the holidays that's just mean. Dunno what to tell you dude, find a girl with with depression but is taking her meds.... __________________ ~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~ Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. ~ Kahlil Gibran @~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@ gnuSuL

03-04-2009, 04:16 AM	#17 (permalink)
MissMay1977 Status: Beautiful Mess Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Indiana Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 1,211	My relationships fail not only because of my SA but because of other disorders I have. __________________ Bipolar,SA,ADHD

03-04-2009, 05:24 AM	#18 (permalink)
bezoomny Status: resident classicist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Mississippi Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 3,666	I have a bad habit of coming off as "excessively sensitive," "full of issues," "emotionally needy," and, my favorite, "overly desiring of a relationship." This is nearly entirely because I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to pursuing a relationship, dating, or flirting. So I get reverse-friendzoned, which is exactly like being friendzoned only you're a girl. Actually, I don't really believe in the friendzone. But men will avoid relationships with me at all costs and instead become my friend. They seem to like me just fine as a friend, though. __________________ I'm a concert pianist. That's a pretentious way of saying I'm... unemployed at the moment.

03-02-2009, 01:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
Hoppipolla Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Boston Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 927	If by relationship problems you mean that I've never had one, then yes. I think you're in the right track, though. Counseling might help. It's not like you haven't been in a relationship before, so you'll just need that small boost of confidence.

03-02-2009, 05:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ashram Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 60	Yeah. I've had an ex accuse me of being "nothing but a ball of annoying neuroses". I've had friends of the same ex dub me "allergic to fun". Well, I'm kinda glad I'm rid of that one, actually >_> I agree with the others, I think counselling will definitely help. And if you find yourself in a relationship again, it might help to explain your SA to her (even through email or something if it's easier); most people are pretty understanding about that kind of thing if it's explained to them and then at least she'll know you've got a reason for being awkward.

03-02-2009, 05:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
Seiki Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 9	Yea I currently have problems with my "relationship" because of my social anxiety problem. Every single time I see him or chat with him online, my mind goes blank. He oven says "you're quiet" or ask me what's on my mind just for me to say something. But lately it's been getting to him. He told me he wants to see me open up to him more.... and I told him I'm trying too.. which I honestly have been.. but... apparently there's not enough proof there that actually shows that I am.. since I'm still a quiet mute. ~_~; We recently got into some arguments over it... and told me that I really gotta work on this and he feels that I'm just fooling around and not keeping my word on it. I am keeping my word on it, 100%. It's just.... so very hard especially when I really don't know how or where to start working on it... honestly.

03-02-2009, 06:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
lissette Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 197	Yeah, it's definitely had an impact. I'm good in the first couple of dates but when it reaches the point where I actually have to open up, I freeze. Guys either think that I'm just really boring and quiet or that I'm not interested in them.

03-02-2009, 07:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
Breakfast0fChampions Status: User Requested Ban Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 771	My last relationship failed because of my SA. But he was an idiot anyway.

03-02-2009, 08:38 PM	#10 (permalink)
yellowpaper Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 761	My SA helped to "ruin" my last relationship bc it inhibited my ability to socialize with his (ex) extensive network of family, friends, friends of family, friends of friends, random people, etc, on a constant basis. But that's ok, because I'd rather not, with or without SA.

03-02-2009, 10:50 PM	#11 (permalink)
Black_Widow Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: South-East London, UK Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,051	Well it's not always been this way, but unfortunately in recent times it has led to quite a big strain in my current relationship. It did happen that just recently I thought we might split up, though right now we're both trying to work on things as best we can.

03-03-2009, 02:06 PM	#13 (permalink)
Olazet91 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Screwville, US Gender: Female Posts: 1,142	I never had a relationship but I was close at one time except I screwed things up with my SA. I never did open up despite the guy's efforts to make me feel more comfortable in order to show my true self and give the relationship a chance. Eventually he lost interest because the situation seemed pretty hopeless as it was.

03-03-2009, 02:35 PM	#14 (permalink)
Iced Soul Status: Done with SA Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 1,818	Relationship. I can't even get to that point because of my SA. Just friends I tend to cut off or lose because of my SA, so I know it won't ever get to the relationship phase. I met a guy a little while ago (about two weeks ago) and it was going fine until he decided that I was too 'shy'. Apparently, I didn't stick up for myself, I let him have too much control, and I was beginning to become uninteresting because I wouldn't initiate anything. All of this is true, but it still hurts. Especially since he just told me this yesterday. It's just got me all depressed because I think he really liked me. I know I liked him.

03-03-2009, 06:27 PM	#15 (permalink)
CrystalBear Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Ventura County Gender: Female Posts: 26	Once I find someone to be with I have the habbit of clinging to them and using them as my main source of social interaction. Because of my SA. Guys can get annoyed of clingly behavior. And its dangerous for me because I'm definately "putting all my eggs in one basket" Theres more issues too, but thats a big one for me.

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