Why does being laughed at hurt? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 08:44 AM Thread Starter
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Why does being laughed at hurt?

Can't think straight right now, but I'm trying to brainstorm and figure out why being laughed at hurts sometimes. Like say your parents laughing at you as a kid, or strangers or friends or coworkers or anyone really. I'm not sure exactly what I am trying to get at, so I have a bunch of questions about how your mind works when you are laughed at. Any help answering any of these would be really great.

What makes being laughed at hurt? What does it do to you, or how does being laughed at make you feel? What thoughts does it make you think? What things have to be "true" for it to hurt? What do you conclude or assume and what is the reasoning your mind goes through to reach those conclusions? If someone ever made you feel better after getting laughed at, how did they do it, what did they say?
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 09:18 AM
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Being laughed at hurts purely based on how you react to it mentally. If you have made it a habit to view it negatively, feeling like you're an idiot or whatever then you'll feel bad about it. If you've trained yourself to laugh at yourself and not be so sensitive about things then it won't hurt at all. Essentially it's kind of like a computer program that runs. If you've felt pain or bad thoughts in certain situations, they will keep repeating until you re-program yourself.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 09:54 AM
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Because i haven't learnt to rate myself yet:

When i can rate my own performance without being extreme (like a perfectionist), then i see that i am flawed but am doing my best. I can only be who i can be in this moment.

If i allow myself to be rated by others, then i will always feel my sense of worth coming from what other people think about me ie they laugh at me therefore i am a joke.

Hilarious! I'm so funny! When i laugh at myself more than others i can't hear their laughter because i'm laughing loudest (inside)
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 10:05 AM
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Being laughed at is the equivalent of being singled out, ostracized, separated, alienated but if I can beat "them" to the punch by laughing at myself first, I can sometimes delay the bad feelings about myself their laughter substantiates.

I don't know that I could be made to feel better. There's a little demon inside of me waiting beneath the paper thin veil that separates the tolerable from the unbearable and all it takes is a tiny breech to release the flood of hurt feelings he feeds on.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 10:19 AM
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We want others to see the best in us. If people see us as no more than a joke, they aren't seeing our best.

All in all, you were all just bricks in the wall
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 10:36 AM
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because one of the three basic desires that all mold together to really mean survival,as humans....no mammals cause you can even see this very clearly watching some primate documentary is the need to be a part of a group to be socially accepted.and to follow the rules of that group not matter what and pounce on top of people who are in violation of the rules in that group.i seen the same thing on a animal planet episode of chimps and one of them was rejected out of the group and it went through a depression the narrator said this...and it stopped eating ..had no energy laying on the ground and died.in the animal kingdom with mammals social acceptance means survival.

think about a thug from the hood,snobbish upper class rich person, a ku klux klan member, crypt,blood, latin king or whatever type of gang member,islamic extremist,bible thumping sunday church goer.....every last one of these people were brouht up in a enviroment with with social rules & policies and people are just doing what they are hard wired to do ...follow the rules and never be in violation of any of them.i read somewhere that as primates evolved and as there chances of survival increased greatly being in a community the fear of social rejection neurologically piggy backed on the larger fear of the threat of physical pain.

as humans this is still the case obviously..but humans have more hardware in there brains....(the great majority dont act this way) we have it built into to us to be aware of our emotions and thoughts and primal drives ( buddhism / mindfulness training) lower primates do not.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by IsntThisWhere View Post
We want others to see the best in us. If people see us as no more than a joke, they aren't seeing our best.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 05:09 PM
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People laugh at dumb people. They laugh at them because they are dumb. Being laughed at makes me feel dumb, as if nothing I do is meant to be taken seriously, that I'm a walking joke that people care nothing for except getting a cheap laugh out of. It's as if I'm a circus animal who is paraded around and forced to do cheap tricks just to entertain a crowd of idiots. I provide some needed entertainment because my stupidity is so overwhelming that nobody could possibly take my seriously.

Don't know if that's really what it is, but that's how I felt as a kid when people laughed at me.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 05:28 PM
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When people laugh at others meanly, they are trying to demonstrate their social superiority. "That person is stupid/ugly/uncool/pathetic and I am not stupid/ugly/uncool/pathetic. I demonstrate this fact by laughing at them." It's the way of showing you understand social norms at the same time as positioning yourself as embodying them.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 05:37 PM
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Should also mention that some people enjoy that feeling. I knew kids in high school who were pathetic and insecure, didn't have many friends, not a lot of people liked them. So they acted like idiots and make everyone around them laugh. It was pretty sad. The only reason they got any attention was because they were funny, but not the good kind of funny. Whenever I talked to people who knew them and sometimes hung out with them, they did not have positive things to say. It was the lowest form of insecurity I saw in high school. People tried to befriend me because I was also sort of the same way in drama class, except that I didn't do things like that to make people laugh at me or like me. I did it because it was fun for me. If people laughed, cool, but I didn't care what they thought. People tried to befriend me in the same way that they befriended these kids, but I wasn't dumb enough to fall for it. Even though the first year of drama class was all fun and games, I proved the next couple years that I was capable of being a strong, dramatic actor, and people weren't laughing much then. The other's, however, never learned and continued to act dumb.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 07:16 PM
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I was made fun of a lot as a child. It made me feel worthless and unloved. There were only two people in my life who really loved me. My Mom and Grandmother. When they died I kind of gave up on life. It really hurts to have no one who loves you.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-06-2011, 11:46 PM
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When someone laugh at me i feel they are taking my life as joke , best thing to do when people laugh at you is simply ignore them and always laughing at yourself will make you creepy
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 12:13 AM
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Confusion. Because you think you are being logical and doing something that you think is right. Then BANG people are laughing at you and you don't know what it is that is so wrong about what you are doing. And you think they might be right.

Maybe it would help if people would explain exactly what's wrong. So they think your shirt is ugly, but what's so ugly about pink and purple spots together? (I don't have a pink and purple spotted shirt.) (And I'm not saying such a combination is ugly.)
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 01:07 AM
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if you can laugh with something, it means you perceive yourself to be superior to it. The filosopher Thomas Hobbes saw it like this.
Thus being laughed at, is for those who have foolishly attached any worth to the laugher's more-often-than-not mistaken belief that he/they are superior to you, a shameful experience.

If you would examine however in what ways these who laugh are in any actual way superior, most of the times you will see they are mistaken about themselves - their superiority they base on being part of some majority, or on the pathetic amount of time and energy they have spend on conforming to a numb, vain, empty normality; or sometimes they base it on just plain animal force - in any way they can very rarely base this perceived superiority on an actual individual quality that matters in a civilised society.
Once you realise that you are being laughed at by basically fools, cowards, thoughtless cretins, the reaction of shame will change into one of indifference, perhaps even pity.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 01:21 AM
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lol play it off. I remember this girl in my high school who was running and she flat out fell face first like a pancake on the ground. My who group of "friends" starting laughing so hard. but she played it off but it was still funny.

I also remember that same girl gave a letter to my friend saying she liked him and do you like her or something like that. and the next day he gave it to her but before that my other friend wrote HELL MOTHER****EN NO. but he erased it 'barley' and wrote no and gave it to her. she opened it and was like a little girl stomping and she started crying. my friend "who got the letter" felt bad so did I. but everyone else was just looking and laughing silently. next class she was crying in the corner. not talking to anyone.

Everyone has their own perspective so you can never make everyone like you because people are different. So next time try to make yourself happy because "in the end its you and only you"
- Its just me and my shadow
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-07-2011, 02:58 AM
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It draws attention to you in a "negative way", and if you dont play it off as funny then it makes it embarrasing, for me anyway. I dont like attention at all, so negative attention is horrible.
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