Social Anxiety Support

jugador409 · 12-31-2009, 01:01 PM

I'm sorry that happened to you. I think that the reason that it hurts so much is that you're being judged negatively for the way you look which is a fundamental part of who you are. The world has its share of people who can only feel good about themselves by trashing another person so you shouldn't let those types of opinions get to you.

JLP · 12-31-2009, 05:15 PM

I can guarantee if someone calls you ugly to your face, then that person probably is a very unhappy person. I don't think I've ever heard anyone call someone else ugly to his or her face, and I think that's because any decent person knows that it's just completely wrong. I know I'd feel terrible if I called someone ugly to their face.

secretlyshecries · 01-01-2010, 03:12 AM

It's because if someone's calling you ugly, they're probably not going to accept you. It's because beauty is valued greatly in this shallow world of ours. It's because thinking you're unpleasant to look at isn't exactly a nice thought. Aaand so on.

Man Is An Island · 01-01-2010, 07:58 AM

In my case, being called "ugly" hurts because it is true. There is simply no defense or retaliation I can muster against someone who labels me as such. They're right, so my choice is to either lie or agree. Where as, if someone calls me "lazy", on the other hand, I can provide counter-examples to prove him or her wrong.

It actually hurts me more when people try and claim I'm not ugly. I know they are ever so pathetically trying to improve my feelings about myself, but all it does is draw more attention to my many flaws. Their white lies are just too transparent, and fall in the face of ample contradictory evidence.

Game 7 · 01-01-2010, 08:07 AM

Being called ugly should only hurt if you have a poor self-image. If you have a strong self-image, you'd probably just assume the person calling you ugly must be really immature. But when you don't have that strong self-image, you're inclined to believe a negative judgement about yourself. It hurts cause you don't want to believe you're "ugly" but when someone else notices, well then, it's gotta be true. When you feel ugly, being told you're attractive means nothing and being told you're ugly means everything.

shadowmask · 01-01-2010, 08:21 AM

Because looks are everything in this society. If someone calls you ugly, they're basically saying you're a rung lower on the social ladder, that you'll never have as many opportunities as the beautiful people. The more envious you are, the more it'll hurt.

illlaymedown · 01-01-2010, 09:30 AM

There are A LOT of idiots out there and anyone who says that to you needs to see how ugly that makes them. I've been called ugly before(and pretty much all the names in the book as I was far from popular as a kid and my "parents" didn't care about me). I took it then and let their judgement of me be mine until the time came where I wasn't too blind to see what was in the mirror! Nowadays people try to make it obvious(especially older ones)that tattoos aren't that "beautiful" or "lady-like" in the same way I try to make it obvious that I think I'm beautiful and I don't give a damn!

Hadron · 01-01-2010, 10:10 AM

Well, I wouldn't be hurt if somebody called me ugly -- It's such an irrelevant comment to make. As well as very infantile. I mean, I wouldn't be hurt by it in the same way that I wouldn't be hurt if a 5 year old swore at me.

Want2Bconfident · 01-01-2010, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hadron

Well, I wouldn't be hurt if somebody called me ugly -- It's such an irrelevant comment to make. As well as very infantile. I mean, I wouldn't be hurt by it in the same way that I wouldn't be hurt if a 5 year old swore at me.

Have you been called ugly before?

Want2Bconfident · 01-01-2010, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Game 7

Being called ugly should only hurt if you have a poor self-image. If you have a strong self-image, you'd probably just assume the person calling you ugly must be really immature. But when you don't have that strong self-image, you're inclined to believe a negative judgement about yourself. It hurts cause you don't want to believe you're "ugly" but when someone else notices, well then, it's gotta be true. When you feel ugly, being told you're attractive means nothing and being told you're ugly means everything.

I kind of agree with what you say.
But when you experience being called ugly a number of times it is hard to have a strong self image because you start to believe what you are being told. I mean for example if someone is called attractive and gorgeous many times by different people, you'd start believing that is how you are and how people see you and you'd develop a very positive self image. If on the other hand you are called ugly a number of times you start to believe that is how you are and that is how people see you and it really hurts and you become self conscious of how you look and feel negative.

Logan X · 01-01-2010, 12:14 PM

because the truth hurts.

Man Is An Island · 01-02-2010, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowmask

Because looks are everything in this society. If someone calls you ugly, they're basically saying you're a rung lower on the social ladder, that you'll never have as many opportunities as the beautiful people. The more envious you are, the more it'll hurt.

I feel pretty bad for women. There are guys in my class who would never entertain the notion of dating a conventionally "unattractive" woman and I've overheard them mock other guys for dating so-called "ugly" girls. While some of these guys are good looking, most aren't, which suggests a pretty absurd double standard. It seems for women you must at least reach the prerequisite standard of attractiveness first, and then your personality can make a difference.

Men can get away with not being physically beautiful, if they are tough looking or masculine. With these other attributes, they will at least garner an instinctive sense of respect from other men and from women. They are unlikely to develop a "pathetic" reputation in the eyes of others.

Unfortunately, there are some males, like myself, who have the distinction of being both unmasculine and (very) unattractive. However, I was meant to be weeded out by evolution, so for humanity's sake it is for the best. Although, it's certainly a shame these genes have made it so far that I will have to live with them. It's too bad they weren't weeded out earlier.

Rixy · 01-02-2010, 09:19 AM

It's just a normal reaction. I don't think most people are as confident as they make out to be (Non-SA people I mean) so calling them ugly wouldn't please them. It's even worse for some people on this site who suffer from low self esteem and self loathing.

FoxLuvr72 · 01-06-2010, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man Is An Island

I feel pretty bad for women. There are guys in my class who would never entertain the notion of dating a conventionally "unattractive" woman and I've overheard them mock other guys for dating so-called "ugly" girls.

I know what you mean. Being too plain is the reason why guys arn't interested in me. I basically feel invisible to them. Though I've never
actually been called ugly I have gotten a few negative comments from guys
which makes me feel worthless because I feel that I'll never be good enough for anyone.
I have a very nice personality but nobody sees this because they only go by what they see on the outside, and what they see doesn't interest them then forget it.
Sadly the world seems to go by the rule of first impression is based on looks. I myself am not like that. I take everyone as they are.

theuprising · 01-06-2010, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leonardess

It is all the things you mentioned. Those are why it is hurtful, particularly if we are vulnerable to other people's opinions if one has a low sense of self worth to begin with.

I was called ugly several times throughout my school years as well. Whoever does that sort of thing is ugly themselves, particularly inside. Nothing is uglier than an ugly soul.

D:

the thing is, society doesn't give a sh1t, power is given to those who are socially powerful, and much of that deals with appearances.

Sooo, yeah this type of thinking reinforces my SA, I mean its true and logical, and I don't think anyone can say anything about it.

DestinyXxX · 01-06-2010, 10:10 AM

I look at it this way...I may not be the prettiest or most beautiful girl in the world, but neither is alot of other people out there. It is completely unrealistic to think that everyone in the world should be either, along the standards that say hollywood puts forward for us. Different people are going to have different opinions for any single person out there. I got called ugly passing a group of guys at a gas station once, which devastated me, but then I thought, what the hell do I care what they think?? Less than a year later I was also at a gas station and a guy yelled at me "holy hottie! you know you are".

I get ready and go out everyday knowing that I am beautiful in my own eyes...

Wizo · 01-06-2010, 11:57 AM

Being called ugly in school and bullied about the way I look during my teen years is the reason I believe I have social anxiety now. I have so much built up hatred for the twisted parasites who hurt me in the past when I was nothing but a shy, harmless, gawky teen who didn't do anything to anyone... but I find the strength not to dwell on it. They're probably stacking shelves for a living now (they were all extremely lacking in intelligence), and hopefully they live a miserable existence, but even if they don't it's not worth thinking about. They've probably forgotten me, and getting angry about the past doesn't do any good... it doesn't hurt them, and it doesn't make me feel any better.

bunnie · 01-06-2010, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myhalo123

It hurts so much because it's an attack on the part of us we cannot change, it goes right to the core of who we are. It's one thing to say someones actions are ugly, but to call a person ugly is just wrong and untrue.

How many of you got to choose how you look? Seriously, cuz if you did I need to file a complaint.

You are absolutely right. People who tell others this are shallow and ignorant. For the majority of my youth I've been referred to by many names, including ugly. Nowadays, I hear the opposite but I am never able to believe the compliment because of how I've been treated in the past. It absolutely hurts to be called ugly.

BeautifulGunStucknHolster · 01-06-2010, 02:02 PM

hahahhaha

being called ugly certainly does hurt

jook · 01-10-2010, 06:12 PM

When people say things like this one thing that makes them hurtful is not knowing how to respond. Possible responses:

"How 'bout you kiss my ugly a**"?
"Yo mama."
"I know you are but what am I?"
"Have you looked in a mirror lately?"
"You're so ugly I bet your mama had to tie a porkchop around your neck to get the dog to play with you!"

There. That ought'a do it.

01-01-2010, 07:58 AM	#24 (permalink)
Man Is An Island Status: Custom User Title Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Canuckistan Gender: Male Posts: 322	In my case, being called "ugly" hurts because it is true. There is simply no defense or retaliation I can muster against someone who labels me as such. They're right, so my choice is to either lie or agree. Where as, if someone calls me "lazy", on the other hand, I can provide counter-examples to prove him or her wrong. It actually hurts me more when people try and claim I'm not ugly. I know they are ever so pathetically trying to improve my feelings about myself, but all it does is draw more attention to my many flaws. Their white lies are just too transparent, and fall in the face of ample contradictory evidence. __________________ Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people, and kill them

01-01-2010, 09:30 AM	#27 (permalink)
illlaymedown Status: The Tragic Princess Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tupelo, Mississippi Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 716	There are A LOT of idiots out there and anyone who says that to you needs to see how ugly that makes them. I've been called ugly before(and pretty much all the names in the book as I was far from popular as a kid and my "parents" didn't care about me). I took it then and let their judgement of me be mine until the time came where I wasn't too blind to see what was in the mirror! Nowadays people try to make it obvious(especially older ones)that tattoos aren't that "beautiful" or "lady-like" in the same way I try to make it obvious that I think I'm beautiful and I don't give a damn! __________________ "I feel like a helpless puppet being manipulated in some major scheme."~ Squall Leonhart "Sometimes a person has to be loved before they can become lovable."~Ravi Zacharias "As we have gotten more open-minded, we have become more closed-hearted." My avatar is my art...www.myspace.com/illlaymedown

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12-31-2009, 01:01 PM	#21 (permalink)
jugador409 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Posts: 236	I'm sorry that happened to you. I think that the reason that it hurts so much is that you're being judged negatively for the way you look which is a fundamental part of who you are. The world has its share of people who can only feel good about themselves by trashing another person so you shouldn't let those types of opinions get to you.

12-31-2009, 05:15 PM	#22 (permalink)
JLP Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Texas Gender: Male Posts: 16	I can guarantee if someone calls you ugly to your face, then that person probably is a very unhappy person. I don't think I've ever heard anyone call someone else ugly to his or her face, and I think that's because any decent person knows that it's just completely wrong. I know I'd feel terrible if I called someone ugly to their face.

01-01-2010, 03:12 AM	#23 (permalink)
secretlyshecries Status: In hiding Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,452	It's because if someone's calling you ugly, they're probably not going to accept you. It's because beauty is valued greatly in this shallow world of ours. It's because thinking you're unpleasant to look at isn't exactly a nice thought. Aaand so on.

01-01-2010, 08:07 AM	#25 (permalink)
Game 7 Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 1,032	Being called ugly should only hurt if you have a poor self-image. If you have a strong self-image, you'd probably just assume the person calling you ugly must be really immature. But when you don't have that strong self-image, you're inclined to believe a negative judgement about yourself. It hurts cause you don't want to believe you're "ugly" but when someone else notices, well then, it's gotta be true. When you feel ugly, being told you're attractive means nothing and being told you're ugly means everything.

01-01-2010, 08:21 AM	#26 (permalink)
shadowmask Status: User Requested Permanent Ban Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 5,876	Because looks are everything in this society. If someone calls you ugly, they're basically saying you're a rung lower on the social ladder, that you'll never have as many opportunities as the beautiful people. The more envious you are, the more it'll hurt.

01-01-2010, 10:10 AM	#28 (permalink)
Hadron Status: User Requested Permanent Ban Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Israel Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 2,607	Well, I wouldn't be hurt if somebody called me ugly -- It's such an irrelevant comment to make. As well as very infantile. I mean, I wouldn't be hurt by it in the same way that I wouldn't be hurt if a 5 year old swore at me.

01-01-2010, 12:14 PM	#31 (permalink)
Logan X Status: User Requested Permanent Ban Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 7,979	because the truth hurts.

01-02-2010, 09:19 AM	#33 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Nowhere Man Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Engurland Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 1,717	It's just a normal reaction. I don't think most people are as confident as they make out to be (Non-SA people I mean) so calling them ugly wouldn't please them. It's even worse for some people on this site who suffer from low self esteem and self loathing.

01-06-2010, 10:10 AM	#36 (permalink)
DestinyXxX Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 12	I look at it this way...I may not be the prettiest or most beautiful girl in the world, but neither is alot of other people out there. It is completely unrealistic to think that everyone in the world should be either, along the standards that say hollywood puts forward for us. Different people are going to have different opinions for any single person out there. I got called ugly passing a group of guys at a gas station once, which devastated me, but then I thought, what the hell do I care what they think?? Less than a year later I was also at a gas station and a guy yelled at me "holy hottie! you know you are". I get ready and go out everyday knowing that I am beautiful in my own eyes...

01-06-2010, 11:57 AM	#37 (permalink)
Wizo Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2	Being called ugly in school and bullied about the way I look during my teen years is the reason I believe I have social anxiety now. I have so much built up hatred for the twisted parasites who hurt me in the past when I was nothing but a shy, harmless, gawky teen who didn't do anything to anyone... but I find the strength not to dwell on it. They're probably stacking shelves for a living now (they were all extremely lacking in intelligence), and hopefully they live a miserable existence, but even if they don't it's not worth thinking about. They've probably forgotten me, and getting angry about the past doesn't do any good... it doesn't hurt them, and it doesn't make me feel any better.

01-06-2010, 02:02 PM	#39 (permalink)
BeautifulGunStucknHolster Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Los Angeles, California Gender: Male Posts: 225	hahahhaha being called ugly certainly does hurt

01-10-2010, 06:12 PM	#40 (permalink)
jook Status: Just me being me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Posts: 650	When people say things like this one thing that makes them hurtful is not knowing how to respond. Possible responses: "How 'bout you kiss my ugly a"? "Yo mama." "I know you are but what am I?" "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" "You're so ugly I bet your mama had to tie a porkchop around your neck to get the dog to play with you!" There. That ought'a do it.**