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Old 12-30-2009, 02:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Why does being called ugly hurt so much?

I am finding it hard to understand why being judged as ugly hurts so much. I was called ugly a number of times in the past and it made me feel so upset and unhappy. I became really self conscious of being looked at, in fear of being judged as ugly. Obviously its a negative judgement and not a nice one, but I can't put my finger on why it is so hurtful.

I think to myself is it that I have been judged as a being as disgusting and horrible?
Is it because I have been judged as inferior, inadequate, unworthy?
Is it because of the shame of it, being described as ugly and feeling ashamed that I am ugly?
Is it because I want acceptance and to be seen as good enough and desirable?

Can anyone help me understand what it is that is so hurtful about being judged as ugly? I don't feel like I can overcome this problem until I really understand what it is I fear so much about being judged this way.

Thanks
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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It's a horrible word and a horrible insult. No decent human being would be so blunt or cruel as to call someone ugly to their face. Whoever called you that is a waste of space and not worth thinking about.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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It is all the things you mentioned. Those are why it is hurtful, particularly if we are vulnerable to other people's opinions if one has a low sense of self worth to begin with.

I was called ugly several times throughout my school years as well. Whoever does that sort of thing is ugly themselves, particularly inside. Nothing is uglier than an ugly soul.
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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i think it just has to be like that...itll go away
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Of course it hurts, why does giving birth hurt?
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Old 12-30-2009, 03:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2Bconfident View Post
I am finding it hard to understand why being judged as ugly hurts so much. I was called ugly a number of times in the past and it made me feel so upset and unhappy. I became really self conscious of being looked at, in fear of being judged as ugly. Obviously its a negative judgement and not a nice one, but I can't put my finger on why it is so hurtful.

I think to myself is it that I have been judged as a being as disgusting and horrible?
Is it because I have been judged as inferior, inadequate, unworthy?
Is it because of the shame of it, being described as ugly and feeling ashamed that I am ugly?
Is it because I want acceptance and to be seen as good enough and desirable?

Can anyone help me understand what it is that is so hurtful about being judged as ugly? I don't feel like I can overcome this problem until I really understand what it is I fear so much about being judged this way.

Thanks
I agree it's all that you've mentioned. It's important because many of us build our whole self worth and identity on how others see us. Sad but true.

As much as we say the mirror can be our enemy, that's not really true. It's others negative comments or criticisms that bring us to the mirror to further scrutinize why we might not measure up.

I often visit the IMDB site because I love movies and like reading people's comments.

But I am astounded time and time again by the amount of "she's ugly" posts about some of the world's most beautiful women.

O.K, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it's crazy when Catherine Zeta Jones, Uma Thurman, Megan Fox, Claire Danes, the list goes on, are called ugly.

It's pure jealousy and spite. What these people get out of describing beautiful people as ugly is beyond me. Maybe they don't think they should be in the top 10 or whatever, but ugly? wth?!
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Old 12-30-2009, 04:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by D11 View Post
It's pure jealousy and spite. What these people get out of describing beautiful people as ugly is beyond me. Maybe they don't think they should be in the top 10 or whatever, but ugly? wth?!
this just really grinds my *** to the bone!!! I don't get it. Kiera Knightly was described as having a "dead man's chest" by some clever journalist once. I *hate* these comments, funny or not. I don't read any of the "women's" mags for reasons like this, I certainly don't read any of the "gossip" mags for those reasons, and I don't ready any of the "celebrity/media" type things again for the same reasons. They're poison when it comes to this stuff. I always think, if *these* people are being judged like this, what chance do any of us have of being accepted as we are? And then I remember, as you say, that type of thinking means I am pinning my self esteem, my worth as a person, on things outside of me, which is the exact wrong thing to do.
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Old 12-30-2009, 04:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for your comments everyone.

Yes I think we all agree it hurts if someone says we are ugly, it is very hurtful, I mean our mind is separate to our body and our mind wants us to be seen as worthy, good enough, desirable, etc - and when our body causes us to be seen as ugly, horrible, repulsive, etc - it is bound to hurt.

But is it really that bad to be judged as ugly? I mean its impossible for everyone to like how we look, some people who are shallow will be critical of how a lot of people look because they only see beauty skin deep and any flaws or imperfections are seen as ugly to them. I just feel there must be a way for me to get my head around finding the judgement of ugly as hurtful. I mean we all like different things, we all place different levels of importance on different things, its all down to preferences. I totally have the hots for this woman at work, she is so cool, she is clever, nice natured, she is sweet and I think she looks nice. I have told people at work how much I like her and all of them say they don't understand what the attraction is, some have even said she is unattractive. So should one be hurt if someone judges yourself as ugly? I think the logical answer is no, but it does hurt, especially if you have been told you are ugly many times, it kind of confirms it that people see you as ugly and disgusting and think 'Urgh, yuck' when they see you. Its hurtful.
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tutliputli View Post
It's a horrible word and a horrible insult. No decent human being would be so blunt or cruel as to call someone ugly to their face. Whoever called you that is a waste of space and not worth thinking about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by leonardess View Post
Whoever does that sort of thing is ugly themselves, particularly inside. Nothing is uglier than an ugly soul.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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You've just said it yourself - we all like different things. That simply means people look different, they aren't necessarily "ugly".

To make a general blanket statement like that is completely illogical, and I doubt very much that it is said as a fact - it is said to deliberately cause hurt. so how much can you really believe it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Want2Bconfident View Post
Thanks for your comments everyone.

Yes I think we all agree it hurts if someone says we are ugly, it is very hurtful, I mean our mind is separate to our body and our mind wants us to be seen as worthy, good enough, desirable, etc - and when our body causes us to be seen as ugly, horrible, repulsive, etc - it is bound to hurt.

But is it really that bad to be judged as ugly? I mean its impossible for everyone to like how we look, some people who are shallow will be critical of how a lot of people look because they only see beauty skin deep and any flaws or imperfections are seen as ugly to them. I just feel there must be a way for me to get my head around finding the judgement of ugly as hurtful. I mean we all like different things, we all place different levels of importance on different things, its all down to preferences. I totally have the hots for this woman at work, she is so cool, she is clever, nice natured, she is sweet and I think she looks nice. I have told people at work how much I like her and all of them say they don't understand what the attraction is, some have even said she is unattractive. So should one be hurt if someone judges yourself as ugly? I think the logical answer is no, but it does hurt, especially if you have been told you are ugly many times, it kind of confirms it that people see you as ugly and disgusting and think 'Urgh, yuck' when they see you. Its hurtful.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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It hurts because it's a direct insult, one of the cruellest kind, they've gone way too far to say something so personally destructive which frankly, I don't think is true at all. No one is going to think 'oh, this person must be ugly' they are more likely to think 'this person is being insulted by someone who knows exactly what to say to hurt them' criticizing someones looks is a mean tactic used by cowardly, spineless people who are actually jealous and want to chip away at your self-esteem. It's an awful thing to say and they are probably stupid to power trip off of you. You are beautiful. X
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Because it's just a mean thing to say. There's absolutely no reason for that to be said ever. That and calling someone stupid. Ugly and stupid are two things you just shouldn't call people. Someone who calls someone else ugly has something wrong with them, anyway. What kind of insecure person do you have to be to call someone ugly? Does it make them feel better about themselves or something?
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Maybe it's because you know it's true. I think it maybe re-enforces your already low self esteem. But no matter how ugly you are there is always carrot top, so chin up uglyface!
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:57 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Cause it's considered a negative trait by society and it's considered as an unattractive or poor trait to have. Some people would not like to be called "stupid" but when you say they are a "bimbo" they are happy (i've seen this type of girl) so it's all society and what it teaches you as you grow up.
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Old 12-30-2009, 12:11 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Even people who everyone else considers beautiful often have a feature or two they don't like. This leaves almost everyone vulnerable to comments about their attractiveness.

I think the pain being called ugly causes is related to how you feel about yourself far more than it is to how you actually look. And even if a person isn't conventionally good looking, the word ugly doesn't apply. It's so charged with negative energy that it's really grotesque to apply it to a human being.
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Old 12-30-2009, 02:54 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Think of it as "ok this person does not like the way i look", don't think of it as "ok if this person thinks im ugly then everyone else does, IT MUST BE TRUE". Your mistake might be that you think too highly of other people. If you keep your idea of a person at a neutral level until you get to know them and then categorize them as "matters" and "does not matter". By doing this you can keep the idea in your head that this person you don't know has an opinion that is irrelevant to you, mainly because you have no idea in your head what kind of person they are or who they are.

If you base how you believe others judge you off every random person that walks by that has no idea who you are...well then we will all be ugly, stupid, annoying, etc etc. Don't base an idea of self-worth off an opinion that comes from non-friends/family.

Nick

edit: Also some people just like to degrade others for no reason, you can identify these people by seeing how much joy they get from the act.
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Old 12-30-2009, 05:19 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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People who call others ugly are just ugly on the inside, back in middle school I was picked on a lot, I was on the chubby side and had bad acne. It caused me to become pretty self conscience about the way I look. I think being called ugly hurts so much because first of all, it seems as if someone is saying that they are in some way better than you. Also because they are placing judgment on you.

Being called ugly does hurt, but to be honest, negativity is nothing more than a sign of insecurity, so try not to let those silly haters get you down.
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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People who call others ugly are just ugly on the inside
I was gonna say the exact thing and then I scrolled down some more to your post.
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Cmon who doesn't get hurt or offended when
Someone tells them they're ugly...maybe I'm just
Too sensitive?
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:17 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I think it's pretty normal to be hurt by it...Who wouldn't!?
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