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Old 08-26-2011, 12:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Why do people make it obvious they are ostracizing you??

I have been ostracized a few times in my life. the worst thing about it is that you don't even know why you're being ostracized therefore there's no way for you to make any type of improvement on yourself to avoid it from happening

Another thing I noticed about ostracizers is you have some who go out of their way to let you know that they are ostracizing you. They make it very obvious that they are excluding you, even if you really don't care, they want you to care. Are people like this doing this out of insecurity? why are they so adamant about letting you know that you are being excluded especially when you are not putting in any effort to be apart of their clique? These people want you to be in pain and suffer in some way bcause they have an irrational dislike for you. I've had this happen to me a lot.

I had someone who was a casual acquaintance who used to invite me to hang out with her only to ostracize me. Why did you bring me along if you think I am that unimportant? She would flip out her cell phone and start talking and ignoring me. Anything I said she would never listen or appear interested.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I have had this happen to me quite a few times throughout my lifetime and some people do it because they feel they have to do things to hurt others in order to feel better about themselves. This person is like a bully because they know a person who is quiet and shy is not going to speak out against how they are being treated so someone who is quiet and shy is an easy target for people like this. Also, some people have to find a reason to dislike a person and they use the person's shyness as a reason to be mean to them and leave them out of the group. The solution for the shy and quiet person is to gradually work toward being more outspoken which I had to learn to do. It wasn't overnight but when I started sticking up for myself and stopped taking the mistreatment from others, they began to accept me and treat me better. We have to show people how to treat us well, if not, they will continue to treat us badly.
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Old 08-26-2011, 12:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I had someone who was a casual acquaintance who used to invite me to hang out with her only to ostracize me. Why did you bring me along if you think I am that unimportant? She would flip out her cell phone and start talking and ignoring me. Anything I said she would never listen or appear interested.[/QUOTE]

Now I don't know why your friend did this, the only thing I can think of was because she might have been using you so she wouldn't have to hang out alone. That happened to me when I was about 13, a girl that I used to play with down the street, she came to my house one day to ask my mother if I could walk with her about 5 miles to her school because she didn't want to walk by herself. During the walk there, she didn't talk to me at all and when we got there, she met her friend and ignored me. So people will use you and then ignore you when they don't need you anymore. Needless to say, I never walked with this "friend" again and you shouldn't hang out with this "friend again" because she doesn't treat you well.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I have had this happen to me quite a few times throughout my lifetime and some people do it because they feel they have to do things to hurt others in order to feel better about themselves. This person is like a bully because they know a person who is quiet and shy is not going to speak out against how they are being treated so someone who is quiet and shy is an easy target for people like this. Also, some people have to find a reason to dislike a person and they use the person's shyness as a reason to be mean to them and leave them out of the group. The solution for the shy and quiet person is to gradually work toward being more outspoken which I had to learn to do. It wasn't overnight but when I started sticking up for myself and stopped taking the mistreatment from others, they began to accept me and treat me better. We have to show people how to treat us well, if not, they will continue to treat us badly.
You're so right about that.

but there have been situations where a person has ostracized me, and excluded me from something that I showed no interest in being apart of anyway. and they wanted to let me know that they didn't want me apart of it and that I was an 'outsider'. I could understand if I really wanted to be apart of the group and showed interest but sometimes I don't care. But people will still find a way to make sure that you are fully aware that they think you are 'different' or an 'outsider'. It's like they HAVE to put labels on people.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I had someone who was a casual acquaintance who used to invite me to hang out with her only to ostracize me. Why did you bring me along if you think I am that unimportant? She would flip out her cell phone and start talking and ignoring me. Anything I said she would never listen or appear interested.
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Now I don't know why your friend did this, the only thing I can think of was because she might have been using you so she wouldn't have to hang out alone. That happened to me when I was about 13, a girl that I used to play with down the street, she came to my house one day to ask my mother if I could walk with her about 5 miles to her school because she didn't want to walk by herself. During the walk there, she didn't talk to me at all and when we got there, she met her friend and ignored me. So people will use you and then ignore you when they don't need you anymore. Needless to say, I never walked with this "friend" again and you shouldn't hang out with this "friend again" because she doesn't treat you well.
I just came to that conclusion that this is what she was doing. At first I didn't understand it because I have no problem doing things alone. so I would think "why didn't she just do this by herself? why drag me along if you don't want to speak to me?"

I guess there are people who cannot stand being alone even to do the most basic and simple activities, they just NEED someone there. Maybe they feel that being seen alone will make them look like a loser. I am glad that I am not one of those people.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I still can't figure out why and i've been ostracized many times in my life. Usually when it happens they laugh obnoxiously loud just so I can hear. I would love to know why they do that, also.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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You're so right about that.

but there have been situations where a person has ostracized me, and excluded me from something that I showed no interest in being apart of anyway. and they wanted to let me know that they didn't want me apart of it and that I was an 'outsider'. I could understand if I really wanted to be apart of the group and showed interest but sometimes I don't care. But people will still find a way to make sure that you are fully aware that they think you are 'different' or an 'outsider'. It's like they HAVE to put labels on people.
Believe me, I have been treated the same way and no, it isn't fair. Again, that person felt the need to pick on someone and picked you as the target. I promise you that if you participated more and became involved in the group, this person would not bother you. Why? Because other people will accept you into the group and this person's opinion would no longer have any power. I found the more I talked to people and revealed more of myself to others, people began to know me and I was no longer a a stranger to them.
Some people also get mad because you don't join the group and you don't want to be a part of things. When I first attended a new church, I kept to myself and didn't join the groups. As a result, people saw me as being aloof and unknowledgeable about different things. So I didn't make any friends until eventually they began to know me and see me and then they accepted me. I had to make the effort to participate, reveal myself so people could get to know me. Once they realized I wasn't all bad, then they began to include me into some groups. Yes, there are some groups that don't include me but that is fine. Everyone is not going to be your friend. Accept this and don't let others' opinions deter you from growing and embracing your dreams and goals.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I just came to that conclusion that this is what she was doing. At first I didn't understand it because I have no problem doing things alone. so I would think "why didn't she just do this by herself? why drag me along if you don't want to speak to me?"

I guess there are people who cannot stand being alone even to do the most basic and simple activities, they just NEED someone there. Maybe they feel that being seen alone will make them look like a loser. I am glad that I am not one of those people.
Do yourself a favor, do not continue to socialize with this person, she is not your friend and doesn't have your best interests at heart. With friends like her, you don't need enemies. It might be hard but if you truly don't mind being alone, then find other friends that will treat you better than she did.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I still can't figure out why and i've been ostracized many times in my life. Usually when it happens they laugh obnoxiously loud just so I can hear. I would love to know why they do that, also.
There are always going to be people who feel badly about themselves, so in order for them to feel better about themselves, they feel they have to bring someone else down and make them feel bad. And it doesn't matter if the person or people are in high school or college, these bullies exist no matter how old they are. And to them, someone shy and quiet will be an easy target for them because we won't talk back and tell them to go somewhere and sit down and shut up but that is what they need to hear.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Believe me, I have been treated the same way and no, it isn't fair. Again, that person felt the need to pick on someone and picked you as the target. I promise you that if you participated more and became involved in the group, this person would not bother you. Why? Because other people will accept you into the group and this person's opinion would no longer have any power. I found the more I talked to people and revealed more of myself to others, people began to know me and I was no longer a a stranger to them.
Some people also get mad because you don't join the group and you don't want to be a part of things. When I first attended a new church, I kept to myself and didn't join the groups. As a result, people saw me as being aloof and unknowledgeable about different things. So I didn't make any friends until eventually they began to know me and see me and then they accepted me. I had to make the effort to participate, reveal myself so people could get to know me. Once they realized I wasn't all bad, then they began to include me into some groups. Yes, there are some groups that don't include me but that is fine. Everyone is not going to be your friend. Accept this and don't let others' opinions deter you from growing and embracing your dreams and goals.
I am trying to learn how to participate and be apart of the group but I don't know how. For instance, in college, I took Chemistry, Micro, etc and we had lab where we had to work in groups and do experiments. I felt like I wans't given a chance and was being ridiculed for ordinary mistakes that everybody else makes. My reputation had been ruined and nobody trusted anything I did or said. It was very hard. It seemed that no matter what I did, I didn't do it right. People were not willing to cooperate with me. for the life of me I still don't know where I went wrong.

I thought is it because of how I look, how I dress? yet I see people of all shapes, sizes, and uniform not being ostracized all the time. they're able to fit in with the groups. I dont think I am ugly, I'm pretty average and there's nothing out of the ordinary about how I look. so I dont know why I am being ostracized and bullied. The friend that ostracized me, and bullied me was not very pretty at all, she even said so herself. She and her "attractive" friend picked on me. And I for the life of me I dont know why I was the 'untouchable' yet the unattractive friend went by unscathed from bullying. She was very unfortunate looking. so I dont understand why the attractive friend was more accepting of this girl's unfortunate looks but couldn't stand the sight of my average self?? it baffles me. I've been ostracized by all types of people, and I wish I knew how to stop this from happening. I figured it cant be my looks or maybe it is..I dunno enuff rambling
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Do yourself a favor, do not continue to socialize with this person, she is not your friend and doesn't have your best interests at heart. With friends like her, you don't need enemies. It might be hard but if you truly don't mind being alone, then find other friends that will treat you better than she did.
I have stopped socializing with her when I realized what she was doing. I met her in college and we used to have class together. I have no problem with being alone for awhile if it means having peace of mind lol it does get lonely but its worth not putting up with other people's crap. She would always try to invite me to activities but I would decline because I didnt trust her and felt that she just wanted me to go along with her only to ostracize me
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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There are always going to be people who feel badly about themselves, so in order for them to feel better about themselves, they feel they have to bring someone else down and make them feel bad. And it doesn't matter if the person or people are in high school or college, these bullies exist no matter how old they are. And to them, someone shy and quiet will be an easy target for them because we won't talk back and tell them to go somewhere and sit down and shut up but that is what they need to hear.
so now I am learning that shy and quiet just=pushover/target to most bullies and followers. For a long time I didn't realize that. See, while I can be shy and quiet, I don't think that I am weak and people seem to underestimate me. I feel that I am a very strong willed person, but I just don't always feel the need to be a chatty kathy telling all my business to everybody and getting in drama. I usually keep to myself to avoid drama but people must see that as a weakness

Also, why is it that some people who are shy and quiet are NOT bullied or ostracized?? I know some people who are quiet and shy (my sister) who have NEVER been given a problem for it and she has never been a target for bullying
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I have stopped socializing with her when I realized what she was doing. I met her in college and we used to have class together. I have no problem with being alone for awhile if it means having peace of mind lol it does get lonely but its worth not putting up with other people's crap. She would always try to invite me to activities but I would decline because I didnt trust her and felt that she just wanted me to go along with her only to ostracize me
Good, you don't need to put up with that from her. I have learned that as well, it is better to be alone and have peace of mind, you are RIGHT about that. Life is TOO SHORT to put up with someone mistreating you and not treating you well.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:22 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Just to be ****s, really.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I am trying to learn how to participate and be apart of the group but I don't know how. For instance, in college, I took Chemistry, Micro, etc and we had lab where we had to work in groups and do experiments. I felt like I wans't given a chance and was being ridiculed for ordinary mistakes that everybody else makes. My reputation had been ruined and nobody trusted anything I did or said. It was very hard. It seemed that no matter what I did, I didn't do it right. People were not willing to cooperate with me. for the life of me I still don't know where I went wrong.

I thought is it because of how I look, how I dress? yet I see people of all shapes, sizes, and uniform not being ostracized all the time. they're able to fit in with the groups. I dont think I am ugly, I'm pretty average and there's nothing out of the ordinary about how I look. so I dont know why I am being ostracized and bullied. The friend that ostracized me, and bullied me was not very pretty at all, she even said so herself. She and her "attractive" friend picked on me. And I for the life of me I dont know why I was the 'untouchable' yet the unattractive friend went by unscathed from bullying. She was very unfortunate looking. so I dont understand why the attractive friend was more accepting of this girl's unfortunate looks but couldn't stand the sight of my average self?? it baffles me. I've been ostracized by all types of people, and I wish I knew how to stop this from happening. I figured it cant be my looks or maybe it is..I dunno enuff rambling
The girl that bullied you did so because she knew that you wouldn't respond back to her and tell her off (which she deserved). I have been there though, I am 44 and I have a friend that I have grown up with since I was 5 and she was a bully toward me when we were younger children but as I have gotten older, I speak up and let her know that she is wrong to be mean toward me. Some people will continue to treat you the same way unless you let them know that you will not tolerate that from them anymore. It isn't easy as you can see from my age now but it can be done and I have done it. But sometimes she slides back into that same behavior and I have to let her know to stop it. Our friendship was nonexistent for approximately 15 years because I was fed up and didn't want to be bothered anymore but we have started being friends about 2 years ago again. So no, it isn't easy but you have to let people know that you will not take their bullying. And it doesn't matter how a person looks as to what they will take from someone else or not, some people bully others because they are jealous of that person. So your friend probably was jealous of you, that is why she bullied you. Continue to take your science and lab, I am taking Biology now and it is very hard, I don't have a regular lab partner and I have to beg to join others' groups and it is embarassing but the alternative is not getting my associates' degree and that IS NOT happening so I will stick with this until I take both Biology classes this semester and next semester. It isn't easy but we have to continue to fight in order to let people know that even though we are quiet, we WILL NOT be mistreated by others. God put us on earth to enjoy life like everyone else and that is what we should do.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:31 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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so now I am learning that shy and quiet just=pushover/target to most bullies and followers. For a long time I didn't realize that. See, while I can be shy and quiet, I don't think that I am weak and people seem to underestimate me. I feel that I am a very strong willed person, but I just don't always feel the need to be a chatty kathy telling all my business to everybody and getting in drama. I usually keep to myself to avoid drama but people must see that as a weakness

Also, why is it that some people who are shy and quiet are NOT bullied or ostracized?? I know some people who are quiet and shy (my sister) who have NEVER been given a problem for it and she has never been a target for bullying
I don't know why some people are not bullied even though they are shy and quiet. But I used to work with a woman who was shy and quiet like myself but she worked in another department than me. The difference was that she had a boyfriend (now husband), children and she had things in common with other people even though she was quiet. She could also relate to people better than I could. She was not left out like I was out at work. So that might be a reason why your sister is not bullied but I don't know.
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:24 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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The girl that bullied you did so because she knew that you wouldn't respond back to her and tell her off (which she deserved). I have been there though, I am 44 and I have a friend that I have grown up with since I was 5 and she was a bully toward me when we were younger children but as I have gotten older, I speak up and let her know that she is wrong to be mean toward me. Some people will continue to treat you the same way unless you let them know that you will not tolerate that from them anymore. It isn't easy as you can see from my age now but it can be done and I have done it. But sometimes she slides back into that same behavior and I have to let her know to stop it. Our friendship was nonexistent for approximately 15 years because I was fed up and didn't want to be bothered anymore but we have started being friends about 2 years ago again. So no, it isn't easy but you have to let people know that you will not take their bullying. And it doesn't matter how a person looks as to what they will take from someone else or not, some people bully others because they are jealous of that person. So your friend probably was jealous of you, that is why she bullied you. Continue to take your science and lab, I am taking Biology now and it is very hard, I don't have a regular lab partner and I have to beg to join others' groups and it is embarassing but the alternative is not getting my associates' degree and that IS NOT happening so I will stick with this until I take both Biology classes this semester and next semester. It isn't easy but we have to continue to fight in order to let people know that even though we are quiet, we WILL NOT be mistreated by others. God put us on earth to enjoy life like everyone else and that is what we should do.
I hope you do well in your classes. I am going to apply for the RN program this year and I finished all of my science classes and it was HARD dealing with the lab aspect of it. I literally cried sooo many tears before going to lab because I had a hard time with my peers. I was ostracized & ridiculed for things that ordinary people do. It was like people were closely observing every move I made just waiting for me to do the most simplest mistake to prove that I was incompetent even though I wans't. It was very hard but I made it through and you will too. I hope things wont be this bad in nursing school
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:27 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I don't know why some people are not bullied even though they are shy and quiet. But I used to work with a woman who was shy and quiet like myself but she worked in another department than me. The difference was that she had a boyfriend (now husband), children and she had things in common with other people even though she was quiet. She could also relate to people better than I could. She was not left out like I was out at work. So that might be a reason why your sister is not bullied but I don't know.
I suspect this is why. Lately I haven't been dating anyone and I don't have any children. So along with being quiet and a little shy at times probably seems ultra strange.

I just don't understand why people have to belittle you about it. Why can't they just mind their own business? i'm not hurting anyone by keeping to myself
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:47 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I suspect this is why. Lately I haven't been dating anyone and I don't have any children. So along with being quiet and a little shy at times probably seems ultra strange.

I just don't understand why people have to belittle you about it. Why can't they just mind their own business? i'm not hurting anyone by keeping to myself
People are curious about other people. When some people meet a person who is aloof, has no interest in others and don't say much, some people see that as a turn off. I have experienced that alot, many times I am quiet and don't know what to say and people who are sociable don't understand that, they can't relate to that. So what they don't understand they ignore or make fun of. One person that was in charge of a social anxiety group said to me, "What if everyone was like you?" meaning what if everyone was quiet and shy like me? Her point was that if people were aloof, weren't interested in others and didn't say much, no one would date, marry, learn, change and grow. So now I have had to make the effort to take an interest in how others are doing. My mother used to say, "In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend" which is very true. She used to call people and see how they were doing and if they needed help, she would try to help them if she could. I have to work at doing these types of things because most of the time I used to (and still do) think about myself instead of someone else and I have to continually work toward changing that. Many days I don't feel like calling someone to see how they are doing but I know that is part of being a friend and I appreciate when a friend calls me to see how I am, so I have to do the same for them. It takes work and it isn't easy but if I don't want to be alone, I have to do the things that are required to make and keep friends. You started a good post because alot of this, you are reminding me that I should do this as well and I am going to right now. Thank you LOL!!!!!!
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:51 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I suspect this is why. Lately I haven't been dating anyone and I don't have any children. So along with being quiet and a little shy at times probably seems ultra strange.

I just don't understand why people have to belittle you about it. Why can't they just mind their own business? i'm not hurting anyone by keeping to myself
Sorry for rambling on but before I log off, I want to answer your question, yes you are hurting others by keeping to yourself, I had to learn this as well. You are hurting them because you are preventing them from getting to know you. And if people can't get to know you, how will you make new friends? So start now and take baby steps in order to make the changes you want to make. Ok, let me go and call some people and find out how they are doing!!!! Good night!!!
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