Why can't we just be ourselves? Why do we have to be like everyone else? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 06-27-2012, 12:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
Socialmisfit84's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Nevada
Gender: Female
Posts: 177



Angry Why can't we just be ourselves? Why do we have to be like everyone else?

I understand that we should get better and healthy, but sometimes I wonder why we have to accept everyone else in society, but no one accepts us. Maybe this is just how we are. So what? Why must I be looked down upon at school, work or in public because of my disorder. Why can't I just go to work. Do what's required of me on the job without socializing and everyone be okay with that? Why do I have to pretend all the time? Why do I have to socialize and network just to be in the in circle on my job? Why can't I just be accepted for who I am, if I do my job correctly.

If I don't talk, I'm labeled stupid, weird or angry. Why can't people just understand that we're all different. Just because someone is a little different shouldn't mean they can't pursue a certain career field. You want to complain, then get upset when certain people go the SSI route in order to get by. Well society needs to realize that we're all not the same. Am I wrong? *sigh*

I work in healthcare, and I hate it for this very reason. I'm currently thinking of changing careers.
Socialmisfit84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 12:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
Status: Do you see?
Join Date: Mar 2012
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Posts: 732



Default

Unfortunately, society idolizes the extroverts and we are encouraged to be them from an early age. It's such a shame
__________________
Perfection reached, perfection lost.
The profit didn't beat the cost.
Mirror is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 12:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Socialmisfit84's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Nevada
Gender: Female
Posts: 177



Default

To add. In some jobs I understand communication is required and I understand that, but I communicate when it's needed. I just don't care to hold personal conversations and get all buddy buddy. It drains me. Also, don't judge me when I seem a bit nervous when I speak. I would think that people in healthcare would be more understanding, but they're not. People in healthcare get sick and have disorders as well.
Socialmisfit84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 12:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
Socialmisfit84's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Nevada
Gender: Female
Posts: 177



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirror View Post
Unfortunately, society idolizes the extroverts and we are encouraged to be them from an early age. It's such a shame
Yea, it's very unfortunate and frustrating. It's literally made the last few years of my life a living nightmare. I've already quit two jobs and now I'm working another one that I despise. I think it's time for a career change, but I shouldn't have to change careers for this reason.
Socialmisfit84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 03:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
Doni's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Bronx, NY
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 136



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded1984 View Post
I understand that we should get better and healthy, but sometimes I wonder why we have to accept everyone else in society, but no one accepts us. Maybe this is just how we are. So what? Why must I be looked down upon at school, work or in public because of my disorder. Why can't I just go to work. Do what's required of me on the job without socializing and everyone be okay with that? Why do I have to pretend all the time? Why do I have to socialize and network just to be in the in circle on my job? Why can't I just be accepted for who I am, if I do my job correctly.

If I don't talk, I'm labeled stupid, weird or angry. Why can't people just understand that we're all different. Just because someone is a little different shouldn't mean they can't pursue a certain career field. You want to complain, then get upset when certain people go the SSI route in order to get by. Well society needs to realize that we're all not the same. Am I wrong? *sigh*

I work in healthcare, and I hate it for this very reason. I'm currently thinking of changing careers.
Hey i agree with you %100, i feel like dat about alot of things...
Doni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 03:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
Doni's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Bronx, NY
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 136



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded1984 View Post
To add. In some jobs I understand communication is required and I understand that, but I communicate when it's needed. I just don't care to hold personal conversations and get all buddy buddy. It drains me. Also, don't judge me when I seem a bit nervous when I speak. I would think that people in healthcare would be more understanding, but they're not. People in healthcare get sick and have disorders as well.
lol it sounds like u kno exactly what u want 4rm every1..idk ez like dat linkinpark song "pts of authority" "you live what you learn" in reference to in wat ur saying, society, or people, they always wanna "show off" with their personality (you get me?) like they are always stunting, flexing, sighh das how it is. I understand you tho i feel you, me, I feel like society in general need to open up and treat people like humans, u kno. But with the job stuff people always gonna give a hard time at hospitals das a given, its alot of competition. So do you work at one?
Doni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 03:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
moya's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unlinear
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 732



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded1984 View Post
I understand that we should get better and healthy, but sometimes I wonder why we have to accept everyone else in society, but no one accepts us. .
Do you accept yourself? Like, fully?

I don't ask this to be mean, but I'm in your boat half my life and I'm an outgoing, sociable, center-of-attention-and-loving it type of guy the other and I'm always an individual. Always different, spaced out, eccentric, etc. The difference is that when I'm feeling good about myself, I'm confident in my self and I get a lot of appreciation for who I am.

The more confident you are in who you are, the better you can carry yourself and the less other people will judge you for your oddities (and the less it'll matter to you if they do!). Even as an introvert who isn't really talky and outgoing.

It's kinda unfair how people will think more highly of you if you care less, haha.
__________________
Still waiting for my mania
moya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 03:42 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
michael1's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 1,592



Default

http://viewonbuddhism.org/resources/accepting_self.html
michael1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
kehcorpz's Avatar
 
Status: Cheesus
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: ontario
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,363



Default

Meh, I honestly don't care about anyone else. I am myself and I'm happy with it. Granted I have the medicine to thank

Before it I did care too much to the point of extreme anxiety. It's such a relief to be able to just accept yourself.

Don't pretend to be anyone you are not it's a lot more effort and for nothing.
__________________
---------------------------------------------------------
Current Meds:
MDD/ANHEDONIA/ANXIETY: Parnate 60mg in the morning
Sleep: melatonin 0.75mg /benadryl 12.5mg / zopiclone 1.75mg
kehcorpz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
Status: Trev's barber
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 645



Default

Even if you were to accept yourself, if others don't accept you then what good is that? It feels like there are only a handful of people in my world that will accept me the way I am. Coincidentally these are all family members.
SambaBus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
michael1's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 1,592



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SambaBus View Post
Even if you were to accept yourself, if others don't accept you then what good is that? It feels like there are only a handful of people in my world that will accept me the way I am. Coincidentally these are all family members.
well i by no means fully accept myself, but i am working on it. i would say if you start to, then your interactions with other people will change as a natural result. i believe people respond positively to honesty, if you loathe yourself-your thoughts and your behaviours are unreal.

that link i put in this thread a couple replies up, i think there are lots of good insights in it to do with this.
michael1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:52 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
moya's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unlinear
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 732



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SambaBus View Post
Even if you were to accept yourself, if others don't accept you then what good is that? It feels like there are only a handful of people in my world that will accept me the way I am. Coincidentally these are all family members.
I frequently get told that I'm the most unique, unpredictable person they know. Weirdest too. And at times that I'm confident, I'm still a people's magnet.

No matter how 'out there' you are, you're still a human and there will be people who will find things they like about you. Just don't expect people to accept every inch of your being and wanna be best friends with you. Some people may just be cool with seeing you once every so often at a bar and have a drink with you or whatever.

Point is. No matter how 'different' you are, you're still a human being and at large, we're still more similar to each other than we are different. People will accept you.
__________________
Still waiting for my mania
moya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
michael1's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London
Gender: Male
Age: 26
Posts: 1,592



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by moya View Post
I frequently get told that I'm the most unique, unpredictable person they know. Weirdest too. And at times that I'm.

No matter how 'out there' you are, you're still a human and there will be people who will find things they like about you. Just don't expect people to accept every inch of your being and wanna be best friends with you. Some people may just be cool with seeing you once every so often at a bar and have a drink with you or whatever.

Point is. No matter how 'different' you are, still a human being and at large, we're still more similar to each other than we are different. People will accept you.
well said
michael1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
Status: Trev's barber
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 645



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by michael1 View Post
well i by no means fully accept myself, but i am working on it. i would say if you start to, then your interactions with other people will change as a natural result. i believe people respond positively to honesty, if you loathe yourself-your thoughts and your behaviours are unreal.

that link i put in this thread a couple replies up, i think there are lots of good insights in it to do with this.
I'm beginning to accept myself more but it has made no difference to the way others act towards me. And how can others see this honesty that I'm supposedly showing more of?
SambaBus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:56 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
moya's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unlinear
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 732



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SambaBus View Post
I'm beginning to accept myself more but it has made no difference to the way others act towards me. And how can others see this honesty that I'm supposedly showing more of?
How exactly would you say that you're beginning to accept yourself more, out of curiosity?
__________________
Still waiting for my mania
moya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 06:58 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
Status: Trev's barber
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 645



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by moya View Post
I frequently get told that I'm the most unique, unpredictable person they know. Weirdest too. And at times that I'm confident, I'm still a people's magnet.

No matter how 'out there' you are, you're still a human and there will be people who will find things they like about you. Just don't expect people to accept every inch of your being and wanna be best friends with you. Some people may just be cool with seeing you once every so often at a bar and have a drink with you or whatever.

Point is. No matter how 'different' you are, still a human being and at large, we're still more similar to each other than we are different. People will accept you.
Thanks and I kind of believe this, but most of the people I have met in my life have just shoved me to the side or made fun of me because I'm "different". I can't honestly remember the last time that anyone honestly wanted to be my friend.
Maybe I have been unfortunate and haven't met the right people yet.
SambaBus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 07:00 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
moya's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unlinear
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 732



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SambaBus View Post
Thanks and I kind of believe this, but most of the people I have met in my life have just shoved me to the side or made fun of me because I'm "different". I can't honestly remember the last time that anyone honestly wanted to be my friend.
Maybe I have been unfortunate and haven't met the right people yet.
That's seriously possible. But maybe you should just stop looking for friends and I don't mean 'give up and accept that you won't have friends', but friendship isn't something you look for and make happen, it's something that happens. Some people will like.. see each other often or somehow start talking to each other.. realize they're having fun and do it more and then at one point one asks the other to do something or invites them over to a party and it grows from there.

I'm not saying that... this is something that you should actively do. Just.. it's my experience of how it just sort of happens. I feel that if you're LOOKING to make friends, you're building it up to a huge task that you can fail at, which puts pressure on you.
__________________
Still waiting for my mania
moya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 07:03 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
Status: Trev's barber
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 645



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by moya View Post
How exactly would you say that you're beginning to accept yourself more, out of curiosity?
I have started to accept that I'm not "weird" or "strange" anymore and that I'm just another human being in this world. The only big difference I see in myself is my lack of confidence in social situations but I accept that this will probably stay with me for rest of my life, to some degree at least.
I've also stopped beating myself up over every single thing I say or do.
It probably doesn't sound like much but I feel a lot better in myself to be honest.
SambaBus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 07:08 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
Status: Trev's barber
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Oxford, England
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Posts: 645



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by moya View Post
I'm not saying that... this is something that you should actively do. Just.. it's my experience of how it just sort of happens. I feel that if you're LOOKING to make friends, you're building it up to a huge task that you can fail at, which puts pressure on you.
It is hard to not feel pressure though when I haven't made any real friends since I was about 12 years old and currently have none. I feel like I have to please everyone I meet otherwise I've wasted yet another opportunity to make a friend, but I figure that isn't a good way of thinking.
SambaBus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-27-2012, 07:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
moya's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Unlinear
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Posts: 732



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SambaBus View Post
I have started to accept that I'm not "weird" or "strange" anymore and that I'm just another human being in this world. The only big difference I see in myself is my lack of confidence in social situations but I accept that this will probably stay with me for rest of my life, to some degree at least.
I've also stopped beating myself up over every single thing I say or do.
It probably doesn't sound like much but I feel a lot better in myself to be honest.
Noo, that's huge. All people are on social anxiety spectrum. Everyone experiences some degree of anxiety. Like, I have my own "social shortcomings" in a way in that I tend to blurt things out and say some pretty ridiculous **** at times.. but the way I deal with it is that I recognize it and can shrug it off or even joke about it and no one minds, literally.

People in general say dumb things in social situations or blurt something out. The difference is that they don't take it to heart and by taking those first few steps, you're well on your way. You just gotta be patient and don't expect too much from other people too soon. Like I said, friendships are something you stumble into!
__________________
Still waiting for my mania
moya is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:07 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.