Why can I be normal around some people?? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 09-11-2008, 07:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 5



Default Why can I be normal around some people??

I have a few close friends (only friends) that I am completely normal around (no anxiety, except when talking about emotional stuff..) I've known them all for a long time.

When I'm with one of them, even if we're in a big group, I'm really comfortable and can be myself (almost). I also have a few guy friends by association who I've known for years, and thought I was comfortable around them, until I was hanging out with one of them alone and it was completely awkward

Around family I'm even awkward.. not uncomfortable or nervous usually, but for some reason when I'm talking to my parents, I can't show any emotion.. I haven't laughed with them probably since I was 10! Often I put on this b*tchy voice.. I don't know why.. and I feel really bad about it.. but they are good enough to tolerate it.. they don't say anything about it and neither do I, but they obviously realize I have issues.

Why is it that I can be comfortable around some people and not others?
5655 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-11-2008, 10:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
shyvr6's Avatar
 
Status: Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Posts: 26,086



Default Re: Why can I be normal around some people??

Don't know. Maybe there is no pressure or expectations when you're around certain people, and you're not the center of attention. With your parents it could be something that happened when you were a kid and you can't act normal around them. It could be a number of things really.
shyvr6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 02:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 2



Default I HAVE THE ANSWER i think.

hey i think i know why! i have the same exact problem!!! when im at the mall with my friends i act really hyper but i dont feel anxiety and i tend to be really fun around them. but if im hanging out with my parents, or no one at all, i get really nervous (my mom is really eccentric and i hate my dad) and i get alot of stares at the mall.

and i do get very stoic and unemotional-like when im anxious (i get the tired eye bruises), and like i just want to leave the mall cuz everything hates me and is out to get me. but this may be cuz i get extremely exhausted by social situations.

anyways i did some research on this bizarre social impediment and well, Asperger Syndrome came up. its like a minor form of autism, except while autistic people dont care about social situations, aspergers tend to WANT to be social (most fail at it, we're both lucky we have friends that accept us).

what the asperger thingy does to some people is it makes you alot more "tired"->(from being anxious) in social situations than other people (even with friends sometimes), and you also tend to worry alot about... well everything in general.

also, ive noticed that i get these urges kind of like ticks when im in these situations that causes me to "raise my body defenses" i guess. for example, i have my hands in my pockets, i slouch, my eyes dart frantically around the room to make sure nobody is laughing at me. people always tell me i that i look like im afraid that they're going to hit me.

regardless of if either one of us do has this so called "aspergers" or not:

what i realized is that you actually can control these insecurities by acting chill such as: constantly telling yourself (in your mind) not to worry, that you can blend in with the crowd well, relaxing your muscles, and straightening yourself out when you go to little break rooms such as the restroom or in the changing rooms.

but the best way to deter from these anxious situations is by trying to avoid going with your parents (in the mall), and instead going more often with your (close and talkative) friends.

also, talking about your problems to your friends (in person) helps alot cuz they wont leave you if they understand. but texts ruin everything emotional problemy so dont text it.

oh yeah and, the reason why you were awkward with that one friend is cuz your both not the conversation starter people, or you were too worried about it that you perceived him too as a threat, or you simply came there unprepared without anything to say. so try to get your outgoing conversational starter people with you cuz they tend to be really good friends and are easier to hang out with... even if they say stuff behind your back.
omgsome1just is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 02:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 2



Default I HAVE THE ANSWER i think.

hey i think i know why! i have the same exact problem!!! when im at the mall with my friends i act really hyper but i dont feel anxiety and i tend to be really fun around them. but if im hanging out with my parents, or no one at all, i get really nervous (my mom is really eccentric and i hate my dad) and i get alot of stares at the mall.

and i do get very stoic and unemotional-like when im anxious (i get the tired eye bruises), and like i just want to leave the mall cuz everything hates me and is out to get me. but this may be cuz i get extremely exhausted by social situations.

anyways i did some research on this bizarre social impediment and well, Asperger Syndrome came up. its like a minor form of autism, except while autistic people dont care about social situations, aspergers tend to WANT to be social (most fail at it, we're both lucky we have friends that accept us).

what the asperger thingy does to some people is it makes you alot more "tired"->(from being anxious) in social situations than other people (even with friends sometimes), and you also tend to worry alot about... well everything in general.

also, ive noticed that i get these urges kind of like ticks when im in these situations that causes me to "raise my body defenses" i guess. for example, i have my hands in my pockets, i slouch, my eyes dart frantically around the room to make sure nobody is laughing at me. people always tell me i that i look like im afraid that they're going to hit me.

regardless of if either one of us do has this so called "aspergers" or not:

what i realized is that you actually can control these insecurities by constantly telling yourself (in your mind) not to worry, relaxing your muscles, and straightening yourself out when you go to little break rooms such as the restroom or in the changing rooms.

but the best way to deter from these anxious situations is by trying to avoid going with your parents (in the mall), and instead going more often with your friends.

also, talking about it to your friends (in person) helps alot cuz they wont leave you if they understand. but texts ruin everything emotional problems so dont text it.
omgsome1just is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 03:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
shynesshellasucks's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,409



Default

I'm the same. I only act confidently around my family and a friend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5655 View Post
Why is it that I can be comfortable around some people and not others?
I think it is because you know your friends well enough, and you share a lot of commonalities with them that you know what to say, and how act to around them. Therefore it makes you feel confident. I'm guessing you behave, around your friends, in a way that you think would be embarrassing behaving/talking in front of others.

I think you might be lacking the social skills to interact with other people confidently. I might be wrong.
shynesshellasucks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 03:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 12



Default

I'm the exact same way. I do not have Asperger's though.

I think it's because we truly know those people already. But I dont know why I always have to be *****y around my family members when I talk. I hate it but can't help it. Also, showing emotion is very hard for me too. Idk
Jovie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 08:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Posts: 16



Default

I believe that it's because on a subconscious level, you know that the people you can be completely normal around will like you/love you unconditionally. I always feel like I have to be really careful about my behavior around people I don't know well who could suddenly start hating me.
meringue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2011, 09:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
Kon
 
Kon's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Toronto, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,811



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 5655 View Post
Why is it that I can be comfortable around some people and not others?
I'm most comfortable around people who are laid-back, non-judgemental, funny, immature and non-authoritative/non-formal. Almost all my friends were like this and so are my parents. People that are judgemental, formal, snobbish, overly-critical, authoritative or just "mean" make me feel uncomfortable. Age or sex doesn't play a major role except for attractive women. They always make me feel a bit anxious. I think it's because I'm sexually attracted to them and sometimes I don't want to show it. And I shouldn't show it because it's often inappropriate. Maybe you're the same?
Kon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Normal People... HOW DO THEY DO IT? raspectre Students 8 04-08-2010 12:10 AM
People with SA are blind: We don't see what normal people see ItemEleven Frustration 30 02-06-2010 02:58 AM
normal people sunmoonstars76 GLBT 4 08-20-2008 06:29 PM
What the Normal People Say About Us sabailos The Work Place 8 09-30-2005 04:31 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:23 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.