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Old 08-12-2010, 07:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default When you're nice to people, they treat you like crap

However, when you're an ******* and put them in their place, they respect you. Am I missing something? I'm not the type of person who is confrontational and likes to create drama, but when someone tries me, I have to set them straight. But the thing is, I never wanted to take it there in the first place. I'm an insanely nice person, and because of it, people like to push my buttons to see how far they can take it. Anyone have this problem?
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Old 08-12-2010, 07:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Same here

Your post sounds like my experience..especially since I lost my Father, I set out alone for the first time and..*******s took advantage of my niceness. Now I've turned into a loose canon and have a hard time not criticizing/putting down just about anyone I think is an idiot and that's about 75% of most people. Alot of people thank God think I'm funny and that's fine with me, my general social/political criticism on facebook and twitter always gets laughs, and that only encourages me. Your'e right, if you call people out, some people recognize your frusteration. Others don't and they seem to matter less and less. Its sad that being nice isn't always the best approach isn't it?
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I think I'm overly nice/polite because I have a fear that by being assertive and a ***** I'll just repel people even worse, on top of my SA. Then people will think I'm psycho and rude, on top of being a loner.
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I think my default setting is to be kind and considerate to people. Unfortunately some people do mistake kindness for weakness and try to push past boundaries and generally take the piss.

I'm a lot better at standing up to those people now. If you don't they'll push you more and more. Being nice to people is fine but you have to expect at least basic respect back in return otherwise you get into doormat teritory and that's a humiliating place to be.
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Old 08-12-2010, 08:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JALW88 View Post
I'm an insanely nice person, and because of it, people like to push my buttons to see how far they can take it. Anyone have this problem?
Same here. I start out with everyone as nice and as approachable as my good days with SA allow me to be/seem. But when people I've been around go over a certain line with me, I say what I need to say the way I need to say it and let them know to leave me alone. They look at me as if they didn't know it was in me. I don't like using energy to turn like that, but sometimes people leave you with no choice. Things are never the same afterward and as you said, it never needs to get that far.
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Old 08-12-2010, 10:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Well.. for me its not that people treat me like crap because I'm nice. Its that they take advantage of my niceness basically and drain me. I don't appreciate that.
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Old 08-12-2010, 10:42 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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its weird these days...
people get respect from others by insulting people, and bulliying others.
And the people who work hard to be nice dont get any respect at all
normally it should be the other way round, but i guess people are just weird
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Old 08-14-2010, 12:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I have that problem at my job. Being the quiet one and being afraid to stand up for myself because I don't want to get fired or written up. I do just about everything, some co-workers take advantage of it, but what am I going to do?
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Old 08-14-2010, 12:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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When you are nice you get taken advantage of and people will try to put you down but when you act mean they hold off. It's strange.
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Old 08-14-2010, 12:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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That's why I don't trust anyone except people close to me.
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Old 08-14-2010, 03:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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It's all about balance/self respect. Being kind and nice is a good trait but be too nice and people will take advantage of you while others will think they can walk all over you. That's when you have to put your foot down.

Personally I can be quite blunt when I think someone's going too far but it makes me wonder if I'm being overly defensive given past experience.
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Old 08-14-2010, 04:39 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Olazet91 View Post
I think I'm overly nice/polite because I have a fear that by being assertive and a ***** I'll just repel people even worse, on top of my SA. Then people will think I'm psycho and rude, on top of being a loner.
Not a day goes by when I am constantly thinking "Is it worth it being nice? Should I just tell people what I really think? If I just stay quiet will they think I'm a crazy loner?"
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Old 08-14-2010, 04:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Assertiveness is key. You can still be nice, kind, helpful, generous, etc. without getting stepped all over all the time by making it clear from day one that there are certain personal boundaries that aren't to be crossed.
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Old 08-04-2012, 01:43 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Not always true. Sometimes even if you act assertive they will blame it all on you and think you are the bad guy. It's like um...stop just stop. Quit acting like a 5 year old. Just because you act snarky and rude doesn't mean I'm going to bow before you and kiss the ground.
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Old 08-04-2012, 02:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Yes this world is confusing.
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Old 02-24-2013, 06:13 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Default being nice is my kryptonite

I am so tired of being nice to people, people truly take me for granted. Family is you worst enemy, they only want you to give them something and they only want to give you absolutely nothing. Friends, huh??? I have no friends, and it wasn't because I was a mean person, it was because the only thing that a supposed friend wants is for you to do something for them, and please do not have a car and they don't because you will be their personal taxi service, at this point I'm like you better pick those feet up and put those feet down (walk) your behind..... it's always sorry girl I feel bad, but can you take me to get hair, groceries, or take me to work, well if your behind felt some type of way then why in the hell are you asking me to take you somewhere, your behind don't feel bad, you just met a stupid sucker that was willing to do something for your ungrateful behind. the craziness is that one of these chicks sister drives and has a car, why the hell isn't your sister driving you around, you both live in the same damn house.
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Old 09-21-2013, 04:09 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I'm in the same position. I try my best to be nice to people because I like to think that I am a good person but because I suffer from quite bad anxiety and struggle a bit with my communication I get treated like I'm a weirdo. Then as I also look a bit rough because I have a few tattoo's and sound a bit uneducated I get treated like I'm a psycho or whatever. I've tried the approach of treating people really well but what I found is that generally I have the piss taken out of me as soon as I turned my back and then would avoid me. I then tried the more straight forward, don't try as hard approach and I find that most would act like I was about to bump them off and again avoid me like the plague. I'm in a position in my life now where I truly don't know what to do anymore. I know that I'm a good person but because I have a few things going against me I'm either made fun off, not to my face anyway, or I'm treated like I'm a nutjob. I now avoid people wherever I can but I know that's only making my communication skills even worst.

The older I get and with having sat back and assessed the way people act towards me alot more then I had previously the more I come to the conclusion that a very large portion of people in society actually get a kick out of treating other people like garbage. And if you are someone who finds him or herself becoming the topic of discussion because you are a little different or whatever it's like a lamb to the wolves. I know there are some really good people out there who are genuinely nice and not two faced but I'm certainly not convinced that this is the majority.
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Old 09-21-2013, 04:15 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Ever heard the saying 'Nice guys finish last'?

Girls like guys to be 'bad boys', nice guys they see as weak and nothing more than a friend, the best being a shoulder to cry on.

I would rather not give a **** and keep to myself than try and make an effort to get people to like me, what people perceive in me means nothing to me.

You have to be yourself, but do NOT be over nice. People get run down for that and become a pushover

Speak whats on your mind, and dont care what others think about you
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:44 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Well I firmly believe you can't change what you are. So if your a nice/non-confrontational person it would look fake if you started acting like a hard ***. But, there does come a point where you can't let yourself be taken advantage of. I stupidly let myself get to this position at my current job and that's part of the reason I'm looking for a new one.
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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Well I firmly believe you can't change what you are. So if your a nice/non-confrontational person it would look fake if you started acting like a hard ***. But, there does come a point where you can't let yourself be taken advantage of. I stupidly let myself get to this position at my current job and that's part of the reason I'm looking for a new one.
What happened at your last job?
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