When you walk into a room, does it seem like everyone else walks out? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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When you walk into a room, does it seem like everyone else walks out?

I don't know if my anxiety rubs off on others or if people just can't seem to connect with me or maybe they just don't like me. I noticed that when I walk into a room where people are socializing, they usually stop and they'll eventually end up leaving, and if I try to join in on conversation, no one really listens to me. It's usually like a yes or no answer and that's it. I try to connect with others, but it's like a chore. There's only a few people on my job that I can freely talk to, and that seems to be interested in what I have to say, and even those few people seem to sometimes be a bit distant. I just don't understand it. :/ It never used to be this hard for me to make friends or engage in conversation. Years ago, I was very outgoing and outspoken, but I didn't have extreme anxiety either. Maybe people just sense the anxiety and it gives off bad vibes or something. I don't know.
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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 02:54 PM
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Yes and no....I always feel like everyone is staring at me when I walk into a room. And if I go to the library/computer lab and sit down at a computer next to someone, it seems like they leave right away.
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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by earlgreytea View Post
Yes and no....I always feel like everyone is staring at me when I walk into a room. And if I go to the library/computer lab and sit down at a computer next to someone, it seems like they leave right away.

Don't feel bad. I deal with this too. It seems like everyone else talks too eachother effortlessly, but when I try to strike up conversation I same to fail tremendously. It's crazy how things have changed so much for me.
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:06 PM
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I feel like a trillion people walk IN just so they can get a peek at the quiet guy(me!) that just walked in!
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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:10 PM
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Sounds like it could be the "spot light effect". How is your body-language when you are speaking to them? What kinds of questions are you asking? Do you comment on what everyone else says? Do you filter your thoughts too much? Does their conversation interest you?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)

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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:10 PM
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This happens to me all the time! It is so frustrating.
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:11 PM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=TrcyMcgrdy1;1060134152]I feel like a trillion people walk IN just so they can get a peek at the quiet guy(me!) that just walked in![/QUOTE

I don't know if that would be a good thing or a bad thing. Haha!
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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:17 PM
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Yeah, sometimes I think it really is ME. Today I was sitting on a bench at the metro station. People started coming and filling up all the benches. I sat at the very end of the long bench so there was plenty of room for about 10 people. People looked as if they were about to sit down and then they would walk past me to another bench. I got up to walk around a bit and as soon as I did two people came and sat on the bench I was just on. Maybe I'm paranoid..
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 03:30 PM Thread Starter
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Sounds like it could be the "spot light effect". How is your body-language when you are speaking to them? What kinds of questions are you asking? Do you comment on what everyone else says? Do you filter your thoughts too much? Does their conversation interest you?
Well usually I'll go to the front just to walk around and get out of the office and practice socializing. I usually just stand there and I ask simple questions. I even bring up a topic, but they'll just cut me off and talk about something else.

Sometimes I'll compliment on what someone else is saying. I act engaged, and some of the conversations bore me, but I still listen and engage anyway. I just don't feel a connection for whatever reason.
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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 04:11 PM
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I don't know if my anxiety rubs off on others or if people just can't seem to connect with me or maybe they just don't like me. I noticed that when I walk into a room where people are socializing, they usually stop and they'll eventually end up leaving, and if I try to join in on conversation, no one really listens to me. It's usually like a yes or no answer and that's it. I try to connect with others, but it's like a chore. There's only a few people on my job that I can freely talk to, and that seems to be interested in what I have to say, and even those few people seem to sometimes be a bit distant. I just don't understand it. :/ It never used to be this hard for me to make friends or engage in conversation. Years ago, I was very outgoing and outspoken, but I didn't have extreme anxiety either. Maybe people just sense the anxiety and it gives off bad vibes or something. I don't know.
It's kinda the opposite with me. It seems like everywhere I go people just pop up and try to get in my way. (especially when I'm in a hurry)I personally have a problem with being too close to anyone, unless I know that person well enough.
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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 04:36 PM
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Goodness, people would have to really notice me to all leave the room as soon as I enter. My experience has been people don't see me!

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 06:34 PM
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I don't know if my anxiety rubs off on others...
I wonder this, too. If I have to sit beside someone, they seem really uncomfortable... they start to move around in their seat, fidget a little, play with their phone. This, in turn, makes ME more anxious so I start doing the same thing.

If I'm already sitting down though, no one sits beside me.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 06:46 PM
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Well usually I'll go to the front just to walk around and get out of the office and practice socializing. I usually just stand there and I ask simple questions. I even bring up a topic, but they'll just cut me off and talk about something else.

Sometimes I'll compliment on what someone else is saying. I act engaged, and some of the conversations bore me, but I still listen and engage anyway. I just don't feel a connection for whatever reason.
It could be that they are drawn to a particular topic and do not wish to talk about anything else. Do you have any experience doing the things they are talking about? For example if they are talking about a movie, have you seen the movie?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly (John 10:10)

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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
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I wonder this, too. If I have to sit beside someone, they seem really uncomfortable... they start to move around in their seat, fidget a little, play with their phone. This, in turn, makes ME more anxious so I start doing the same thing.

If I'm already sitting down though, no one sits beside me.
Same here! I just don't get it. I mean I'm not a bad person, a bit quiet, but I'm easy to talk to.
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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
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It could be that they are drawn to a particular topic and do not wish to talk about anything else. Do you have any experience doing the things they are talking about? For example if they are talking about a movie, have you seen the movie?
Yes, some things I'm interested in and some things I'm not.
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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 07:30 PM
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No, but when I post in a thread, it seems like everyone else stops responding.
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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 07:31 PM
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This happens to me at lunch sometimes. Sometimes people will just get up, usually they'll come back, but sometimes I take it personally and blame it on myself when they've just been there for a while and I just got there.
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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 07:34 PM
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Yes. Sometimes i don't even have to be in the same room as them. As long as we're in plain sight of each other, they will move away or hide so even the back of their head won't be exposed to me. I can't believe i have so much power in influencing other people's behaviours
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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-20-2012, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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No, but when I post in a thread, it seems like everyone else stops responding.
lol
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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 07-20-2012, 03:50 PM Thread Starter
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Yes. Sometimes i don't even have to be in the same room as them. As long as we're in plain sight of each other, they will move away or hide so even the back of their head won't be exposed to me. I can't believe i have so much power in influencing other people's behaviours

OMG! Same here! I wonder what it is? I know I'm not intimidating. I have put on a little weight, but I'm not hideous.

It seems that I'm so powerful, that I change the whole atmosphere on my job, and I don't think it's a good thing. I wish it was though, and I Wish I could figure out what to do. Like I said, I wasn't always like this. I think I became this way after I fell into severe depression. I started isolating myself and maybe I've forgotten how to connect with others. I'm guessing that's it!
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