When a conversation feels like an interview

[hyacinth_dragon]

Ok recently someone told me that conversing with me was more like an interview than a conversation. This person seems odd in the fact that they don't seem to like to talk about themselves much and most people I've met loooove to talk about themselves and don't give a damn about you. Person told me that I ask mundane question that no one cares and the average person would not be interested in about such as I asked them about their exercise program/diet and what they were doing for new years. I also answered most of the questions that I asked or talked about them in regard to myself a bit, every sentence out of me was not a question. Person told me that they don't enjoy talking about mundane things regarding themself and they find it exhausting. I appreciate this persons honesty, anyone else have this problem with someone, or how do you make a conversation less like an interview?

[supersoshychick]

well, you can talk more into the question. Instead of asking question after question. Try to take time, like ask a question every 5 minutes.

[Just Lurking]

Originally Posted by hyacinth_dragon

Ok recently someone told me that conversing with me was more like an interview than a conversation.

Ouch! Nothing like hearing the blunt truth!

That's what I feel like I'm doing to people whenever I talk to them. So, YES I have this problem with someone - or rather, everyone. I see it in people's faces when I talk to them. I'm too damn difficult to converse with and they want to get away from me.

Originally Posted by hyacinth_dragon

how do you make a conversation less like an interview?

This is too foreign a concept for me. If you figure it out, let me know~

[jugador409]

I know that conversations with me are like interviews for the most part. It's easier when a question hits a topic the other person wants to talk about because that way they they can do most of the talking. However like you, I don't like to talk about myself so if my questioning doesn't get a positive response, I generally get flustered. By the way, asking someone about their New Year's plans is a pretty standard conversation starter so I wouldn't consider asking something like that an interview-like encounter.

[Paul]

It's like an interview when it's centered around questions -- if you're answering them too, that's just a double interview. I think a lot of us tend to reach for a stock question to keep a conversation going too often.

Bring up something random -- the weather or whatever -- as a remark rather than a question. "I love the rain" works much better to start a conversation than "What do you think of the weather?" in my opinion. Talk about something that's on your mind right now. If they don't reply after a few different remarks, probably best to let it drop for a while. Show a personality of your own, don't just describe yourself. Illustrate your interests by talking about them, instead of asking and answering a question about interests. Talking about what interests you will either get them talking about what interests you, or about what interests them... good either way.

In other words, jump into a regular conversation as if you know the person instead of trying to do a special introductory getting to know you conversation. You can refine what you talk about later, based on how they react to different subjects.

Disclaimer: I rarely manage to put my theories of socializing into in practice, but I think it all makes sense.

[shyvr6]

I wrote this in a similar thread. Maybe it will help.

Instead of asking questions after every question, try to think of something that's related to what they said. So, let's say you asked them if they liked apples and they said yes. Instead of asking another question, expand on the apples. So say something like "Yeah, I like them as well. I don't think I eat enough of them though. I like the green ones the best." Then ask another question, go into an experience you had with apples, or bring up a different subject. It takes some practice to get decent at doing this, but it may help you.

[djr86]

I don't know how others view my conversing style, but I tend to listen to others a lot and comment on what they are talking about or if they mention something interesting, I try to zoom in on that particular point, at least I know I will be able to add more to the conversation. Its really hard for me to make friends though because I don't really know what to say a lot of times and I don't find myself amusing or funny.

[james25]

When I'm forced into talking to people, conversations often deteriorate into me interrogating them. I'm interested in figuring out how natural conversations work, too. It would be nice to be invisible for a week and follow a well adjusted person around.

[DitzyDreamer]

Originally Posted by Banzai

Argue back and say why don't they question you more then.

Bingo. It's a two way street.

I've actually been "testing" (via online) my new relationship. At one point, it seemed as though all he talked about was himself and family/dorm mates and rarely did he ask me any questions. So instead, I stopped talking about myself and basically started letting him do all the talking and see how many times he used "I" and "you", how many questions he'd ask me, and how long it would be before he used "we". Soon, my posts started getting shorter and shorter until finally, he started asking some questions back, and he would [and still does] typically only ask questions as an after thought or something.

A good remedy? Talk about yourself, and if they don't ask you questions and continue to talk about themselves...they aren't worth talking to.

[BTW]

Originally Posted by jugador409

By the way, asking someone about their New Year's plans is a pretty standard conversation starter so I wouldn't consider asking something like that an interview-like encounter.

That's what I was thinking, it seems completely normal to me. Maybe this person is just not very social?

[hyacinth_dragon]

Thanks for the advice everyone!