Walking Past People

[tigerlilly]

if i have something in my hands, i concentrate on that. or if i don't, i stare straight ahead, wait until they get about 15 feet away, glance at them and try to give them a small smile, then look in front of me or at my feet. of course, that usually makes me get physical symptoms of anxiety, but whatever.

[papaSmurf]

It's good to know that I'm not the only person with this stupid problem. Usually I will end up getting intensely interested in my shoes or checking my phone for imaginary texts.

[Hoofservant]

I feel slightly less ridiculous knowing I'm not the only one that does this, and I too use my ipod as an out, or pretend to be distracted by something in the distance. Unfortunately I live in a rural area where many of the people could pass for extras from "Deliverance" and are pushy about trying to make conversation, which can make the experience of a nice long walk around the neighbourhood a little distressing.

[tremelo]

yeah, i get 'physical symptoms' as well at times. i've also resorted to fake checking my cell phone messages/pretend texting, etc... mp3 players are also great to pretend to fiddle w/...

i generally hate gadgetry, and was anti-cell phone for a long time (didn't get one until like 2004), but they do have their advantages in such situations...

[Solobikerider]

Its all in the eyes some people are engaging and you can tell if they look at you..then say hi. If they dont..walk buy.
Its this simple ..to me. I can relate to this.
Some people are social some are not.
I have times when I dont want to let people in and Im on task
or stressed so I dont engage..
Others im sure feel the same..

Yesterday I took a tour at a Plant. I walked out the door
with mixed group some business acquaintances and some professionals who where strangers. The silence killed me as we walked so I brought up the weather..and most seemed to make an acknowledgement of some kind.
The stranger on my left made a comment and immediately gravitated toward
his coworker on his left and seperated. Now obvoiusly he didnt want to engage with strangers..and he was a high up executive where as we were
tour participants. I talked with my associate for a while to invent some noise.

For me it was all tension and resolution with a little discomfort but I did not
engage that executive from that point on.
SOme people feel seperated by status and place some people are just shy
and some are busy and dont care..

[mascarasnake21]

good to know others have the same issue

[childofsolitude]

I used to be like this too. Whenever I'd walk past someone, I felt like I should look up at them, make eye contact for 1 second, then look away. But you know what I realized eventually? If I'm walking and there's no one around me, I tend to look down a lot or off to the side. So one day I asked myself "Why do you feel like you HAVE to look at someone when they're walking past you?" The answer is you don't. Because you overanalyze any movement you make and any thought you may have, you automatically associate it with your social anxiety. You know, I used to think it was a curse that us SAers live inside our brains and think about everything. Recently I've realized that being an overthinker has allowed me to learn about other people, how they act, how they feel, etc. Have you ever noticed that after being in a social situation where you did something "wrong" (like stuttering, losing eye contact, feeling embarassed, feeling any of the physical symptoms of your SA for that matter), you feel down and disappointed with yourself? Do you know how many people without SA stutter, feel embarassed, or feel anxious during certain social situations? Everyone does. The only difference between you and I is that we associate these feelings with our SA and thus feel like there's something wrong with us when there isn't. Try this. When out in public, instead of blaming everything on your SA, just tell yourself that you're shy. Tell yourself "It's ok if I didn't feel perfectly calm in that situation. I'm just shy". To SAers, doing something "wrong" in a social setting makes us think there is something wrong WITH US. Like it's a personal thing. If you simply tell yourself that it's ok, you're just a little shy, that's all, you'll stop blaming everything you do on your SA.

Instead of asking yourself why you behave a certain way in a certain social situation or asking yourself what you SHOULD do in a certain social situation, just BE. Don't overanalyze your thoughts and actions and relate it to your SA. Remember, the only difference between you and someone who doesn't have SA is that they don't analyze everything, you DO and think there's something wrong with you because your conversation with so and so didn't come out perfect. I'll give you an example. Yesterday, I was talking to my manager and the new girl (who I happen to find incredibly attractive) was standing next to my manager. I was asking my manager a question and stuttered a little. Now, someone with SA would come out of that situation and say "Man, why did I make a fool out of myself in front of the new girl? I stuttered because she makes me nervous. She probably thinks I'm an idiot. This SA is putting a drain on me. I hate myself." Now, the average person without SA would probably say "Haha! I'm always a mess around people I find attractive." That's it. No mention of the stutter. After all, it's not ABNORMAL to stutter is it? Here's another example: I work in a grocery store and we have someone called a "leveler" who basically goes around the store and fixes the products on the shelf so they look good for the customer. Occasionally, they let a cashier out to help the leveler. Sometimes, when I'm let out into the store to help the leveler, I dread having to help the leveler because I don't feel comfortable around them. So then I force myself to go help whoever that person is. And I force myself because I tell myself that my SA is stopping me from helping the leveler. So I force myself to prove that I CAN do it. Now the thought process of someone who has SA in that situation would go something like this "Ugh. I really don't want to help the leveler. I never know what to say to him. I wonder if he thinks I'm boring because I don't talk. Why do I feel nervous around him? What the heck is wrong with me?". Now the average person would go something like this "Ugh. I really don't want to work with him. We really have nothing in common. We never have anything to talk about. He's just so boring. Whatever. I guess I'll help him just so we can get the store done." The average person understands that you're not going to be buddy-buddy with everyone. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same interests. Not everyone has the same personality. You can get along with most people but that doesn't mean you should have to like them let alone feel the need to force them to like you and or feel the need to impress them.

All of that to say: Stop blaming every thought or action on your SA. Instead of wondering what to do when passing someone on the street, do whatever you find comfortable. And if you find it comfortable to just look down the entire time instead of maintaining eye contact with the person you're passing, don't feel the need to blame it on your SA. Just realize that that's how you acted because it's how you wanted to act, not because your SA got in the way and told you to act that way.

[Phobiker]

I live in the suburbs, too, so I know this pretty well. And, to top it all off, neighbors or people you know by sight always wanna do some smalltalk. I also do this "concentrating-on-something-else" thing, like I grab my mobile or so.

[Some Russian Guy]

I don't talk and don't even look at my neighbors when I pass them, coz I fear them more than death.

[Miwo]

When I am in the park running or walking, this happens all the time. I have transition lenses, so i noticed I can raise my head and just say 'hi' without making eye contact because they cant tell if Im looking at them or straight ahead. Pretty sad, but its a way for me to avoid direct eye contact.

Its worse if its someone I think is cute though, because a lot of times I wont even look up and just continue running...

[Halcyon Daze]

Oh, this is one of the biggest issues w/ me. It's so difficult and awkward. I like to pretend I'm looking at something else sometimes but that's hard to do a lot of the time. I find myself walking w/ my head down a lot but that just looks so bad, especially at work.
I like to look busy and rush about to my destinations.

[citizen_erased]

This is a problem for me too. I can totally relate to what everyone on here has said, esp the not knowing what the "normal" thing to do is. Am i supposed to look them in the eye or does that just make me look creepy? I tend to try and avoid eye contact with people i pass in the street, esp if it's just me, i just look at the ground or try and focus on something ahead of me instead until i've passed them. If they say "hi" to me i'll say "hi" back but i never say it first. There's nothing worse than saying "hi" to someone and being completely blanked.

[Glen]

I can definitely relate to this. On the rare occasion I'm out and about and someone is approaching me on the sidewalk, it might as well be the grim reaper stalking me, I go into complete anxiety mode. Heart starts racing, stomach ties in knots, not to mention feeling like I just sprouted an extra pair of feet so I end up stubbing my toes or something which of course makes me even more self conscious.

I've noticed if its an older person, its usually not very bad because I know they are almost always friendly and will usually acknowledge me without it being uncomfortable. If its someone more my age or younger though thats where I fall into that whole do I look, do I ignore them, what do I do! mindset.

[sociallyunacceptable]

I've pretty much overcome my SA, but this is one of the few things I still feel anxious about even so (weird I know). So, I read this post a couple days ago and yesterday I had to be around a lot of ppl so I thought I'd figure out how to get rid of the anxiety/what to do when you walk past ppl.

This is the conclusion I came to, after passing quite a few ppl: It really doesn't matter. I think our SA minds are confused, b/c of all situations this is one of the least important to "get right" socially. Yes, how you look and act at a job interview matters, how you act when you first meet someone new is important, but come on how you walk by someone really doesn't really matter much. Seriously. My advice is walk by them however you want or act like you have sa or don't or whatever, but drop the anxiety if at all possible. It's painful to you and there's no need for it.

Oh and btw, it is true that no one notices how you act when you walk past them. Ok, let me rephrase that they notice in that they see you, but that's it they don't really care. They don't think about it afterwards or judge you based on how you walk by (if they did, that would be very strange, common ppl aren't like that). If you do something weird it doesn't effect them in any way so they don't care. Sadly enough, most ppl are thinking about themselves.

[Olazet91]

Whenever someone approaches me I just automatically look down, I programmed myself that way over the years. I feel awkward when looking someone in the eyes because I feel like I might have the wrong expression on my face and make them think I'm staring or that I'm rude or something so I just pretend that I don't notice them. Another reason why is to avoid conversation because if I act like I don't see them or am busy with doing something with my hands, it makes me less approachable and less likely that the person might say something to me.

[solasum]

If I'm walking on a walking path, and I had to walk by someone, I continue to look straight ahead. That way, I don't have to worry about whether the person smiled. iPods and sunglasses are great to keep people from communicating with me. They're also nice for music and shade as well.

[Reddle]

I do something similar to most of you above posters, which is looking down at my cellphone or iPod. Stangely, I find it helpful to simply take off my glasses when I am walking. It's useful, because I can essentially stare into someone's face, without really seeing them at all. that keeps me from making strange expressions whenever I have to walk across somebody.