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Old 07-24-2008, 07:04 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Post Thinking people are "mad" at you..

I'm pretty sure this is is one of the causes of having social anxiety/people phobia..but im scared to death that..ok let me rephrase that, i'm always THINKING that others are MAD/ANGRY at me ..so i'm always scared around others..
it's like whenever someone says something or i make a stupid joke ..i end up feeling scared to death that i may have "offended" that person.....like im staying at a relatives house and i stay in my room , cause i get anxious..and then my aunt comes in, saying" u have to eat wether u like it or not"..( i know she's saying this cause she's worried, but in my mind i think she's mad @ me)

ah damn.does this make sense..this is so hard to keep up with..sighhh


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Old 07-24-2008, 07:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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i can relate with u i feel the same way all the tiem and it controls my life. even when someone is moving around and making loud noises, like, closing the microwave door or closing their bedroom door. and its not in a very careful manner im freaked out they hate me. i get paranoid of my every word and action, even 12 hours after or so.

This makes interacting with the outside world difficult just to Do, and then even tougher after i did it!
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

I have this problem too especially at work. I am always someone like my Supervisor is mad at me for something. Lately, my supervisor eye that he got damaged in a car wreck years ago is bothering him. I always am thinking when I see him that he is mad at me for something, but I know he isn't feeling well.
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

^sigh...Thank God I'm not the ONLY one who feels this way..I've told this to my therapist, and I was hoping she'd understand and all..but man, she got friggin mad at me for saying I keep thinking everyones maddd at me...her reply was" no one's INTERESTED in u, they dont have TIME to get MAD at you, everyones BUSY with their OWN lives, why would they waste time thinking about u! , it seems like u want ATTENTION...sighh, after hearing the words come out of her mouth, everything seemed to fall apart...
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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me i thinks its related to PTSD. there are times maybe when we've been scolded, or made a mistake and really got a ****load of guilt. Shocked. I still feel that shock.

with authority figures for me, i sometimes cant even talk to them, becoz i already imagine they're violnt reactions. right now, Im doing freelance work for school. Im making a website for an old guy. But i cant seem to e-mail him to ask him questions, so i cant do the thing. Coz im afraid he'll bite my head off
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Old 07-24-2008, 08:33 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

I do this all the tiiiime. It's automatic to me, somehow. Friends, coworkers, strangers, everyone. I just naturally assume people are mad or annoyed at me when I interact with them. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
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Old 07-24-2008, 08:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
^sigh...Thank God I'm not the ONLY one who feels this way..I've told this to my therapist, and I was hoping she'd understand and all..but man, she got friggin mad at me for saying I keep thinking everyones maddd at me...her reply was" no one's INTERESTED in u, they dont have TIME to get MAD at you, everyones BUSY with their OWN lives, why would they waste time thinking about u! , it seems like u want ATTENTION...sighh, after hearing the words come out of her mouth, everything seemed to fall apart...
Sounds like it is time for a new therapist. She is worthless.
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Old 07-24-2008, 09:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
i'm always THINKING that others are MAD/ANGRY at me ... I've told this to my therapist, and [...] she got friggin mad at me.
I thought pointing this out might help in some way. I'm not dismissing your feelings or the fact that she actually might have been mad, but it leaped out at me from your post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
... no one's INTERESTED in u, they dont have TIME to get MAD at you, everyones BUSY with their OWN lives, why would they waste time thinking about u
If that's the actual tone she used, and she threw in that last bit (waste time on you), then it wasn't appropriate at all. However, presumably what she was trying to do was challenge your thought process. This is a standard cognitive approach to the type of feelings you're experiencing.

For the most part, people are wrapped up in their own lives They don't pay a lot of attention to how others are feeling when they have enough problems of their own going on. We can't read people's minds and, more importantly I think, we can't control other's behaviors or emotions.

There are some cognitive distortions at work here. Check this list to see if you can identify any one, or more, that might be being used. The purpose of identifying the cognitive distortions is to test the belief's objective reality. Sure, we may feel this way, but how likely is it that its true? That's the idea.
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Old 07-24-2008, 10:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

I don't THINK people are mad at me/don't like me, etc.... I know they are
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Old 07-24-2008, 10:15 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

I fight with this issue every day of my life. Although, I've made a lot of progress in that, I realize that, a lot of times, I perceive other people's behavior as anger towards me when it's really not the case at all.

When I was a kid, my father wouldn't talk to me for days, even weeks and when he did, he was, more often than not, gruff and irritable. I always figured that I had done something to anger him and that pattern of thinking spread to include everyone else. It's taken me most of my life to figure out that what could be taken for anger is usually concern or other people's own anxiety/depression making them seem angry. As far as my father was concerned, I learned well after his death that he suffered from anxiety so, that can easily explain his behavior.

It's hard to tell with people that I don't know but the people that are closest to me, when they're quiet/withdrawn, it's tempting to think that I've done something wrong but in reality, there's something going on with them that has absolutely nothing to do with me at all. Outside of coming out and asking if I've done something wrong, I just ask them if something is wrong and trust that, if I have done wrong, that they'll just tell me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfectionist
I just naturally assume people are mad or annoyed at me when I interact with them.
I will say that I know that I'm bound to annoy some people... that's a fact of life. Once I really took this thought to heart, it sort of made it easier to deal with.
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Old 07-24-2008, 10:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shauna The Dead
I don't THINK people are mad at me/don't like me, etc.... I know they are
Sometimes people really are mad at us. There's not much we can do about it, though.
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:51 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
I'm pretty sure this is is one of the causes of having social anxiety/people phobia..but im scared to death that..ok let me rephrase that, i'm always THINKING that others are MAD/ANGRY at me ..so i'm always scared around others..
it's like whenever someone says something or i make a stupid joke ..i end up feeling scared to death that i may have "offended" that person.....like im staying at a relatives house and i stay in my room , cause i get anxious..and then my aunt comes in, saying" u have to eat wether u like it or not"..( i know she's saying this cause she's worried, but in my mind i think she's mad @ me)

ah damn.does this make sense..this is so hard to keep up with..sighhh


I know what that's like, yup.
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Old 07-24-2008, 01:05 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

This is something I tend to worry alot over too. I don't like conflict of any kind with others and do find it hard to deal with on occasions where it seems someone has some kind of an attitude problem with me. It has happened from time to time - and for no obvious reason.

However, in cases when I know the person in question has made me mad first - I don't tend to be quite so bothered.
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:32 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Thinking people are "mad" at you..

Quote:
Originally Posted by copper
Quote:
Originally Posted by estelle85
^sigh...Thank God I'm not the ONLY one who feels this way..I've told this to my therapist, and I was hoping she'd understand and all..but man, she got friggin mad at me for saying I keep thinking everyones maddd at me...her reply was" no one's INTERESTED in u, they dont have TIME to get MAD at you, everyones BUSY with their OWN lives, why would they waste time thinking about u! , it seems like u want ATTENTION...sighh, after hearing the words come out of her mouth, everything seemed to fall apart...
Sounds like it is time for a new therapist. She is worthless.

she may have been trying to challenge your cognitions, but the tone sound punitive and not empathetic or compassionate in the least. She gotta go.
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:10 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by estelle85 View Post
^sigh...Thank God I'm not the ONLY one who feels this way..I've told this to my therapist, and I was hoping she'd understand and all..but man, she got friggin mad at me for saying I keep thinking everyones maddd at me...her reply was" no one's INTERESTED in u, they dont have TIME to get MAD at you, everyones BUSY with their OWN lives, why would they waste time thinking about u! , it seems like u want ATTENTION...sighh, after hearing the words come out of her mouth, everything seemed to fall apart...

first of all...get a new therapist that is not right ! she should not be a therapist...you dont deserve that...i totally get where your at and i am in a position like yours! and im at a point where i have no one to turn to and no one understands so keep up the talking on this fourm....it will be of more help then the B**** is ! keep smiling....
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:15 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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so i have never posted to one of these fourms before but now that i see people in the same position as me i think it would be benefical i have severe anxiety....and my partner and i just broke up because of this....i always think shes mad at me....if she says something a certain way....or if it takes her more then a 5 minutes to text me back i instantly think she is going to break up with me and now i get so upset and text her over and over again i guess for the reassurance that shes not....we love eachother i know we are meant to be....but she cant handle this about me...it stresses her out and causes us to fight and im to the point where i will do anything to make this go away to get her back i love her and i dont want to lose her....no one seems to understand or express sympathy to the fact that i am going through this....and how tough it is inside....and now i have no one to talk to ....someone please help ! what do i do !
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Old 04-17-2011, 02:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I feel the same way.
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Old 04-17-2011, 03:04 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I do this all the tiiiime. It's automatic to me, somehow. Friends, coworkers, strangers, everyone. I just naturally assume people are mad or annoyed at me when I interact with them. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Ditto!!!

I just have to wonder why so many of us here are like this. I feel like I've always done something wrong, or if something has gone wrong, it's my fault somehow or another.
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Old 04-17-2011, 05:19 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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so i have never posted to one of these fourms before but now that i see people in the same position as me i think it would be benefical i have severe anxiety....and my partner and i just broke up because of this....i always think shes mad at me....if she says something a certain way....or if it takes her more then a 5 minutes to text me back i instantly think she is going to break up with me and now i get so upset and text her over and over again i guess for the reassurance that shes not....we love eachother i know we are meant to be....but she cant handle this about me...it stresses her out and causes us to fight and im to the point where i will do anything to make this go away to get her back i love her and i dont want to lose her....no one seems to understand or express sympathy to the fact that i am going through this....and how tough it is inside....and now i have no one to talk to ....someone please help ! what do i do !


I went through the exact same thing. I've been told it takes time. If you ever need to chat, feel free to PM me.
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Old 04-17-2011, 06:24 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I'm that way too.
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