the hardest part about social anxiety

[angel5433]

does anyone else think that social anxiety is made so much worse because no one understands it? like even if you try to tell a friend, they can try to support you but in the end they really will never know how it is for you?

it makes it so frustrating. i almost feel like if you have another condition, like if you have a disability or some other health-related condition, people are more understanding. i by no means want, or think that others with social anxiety want pity, but i do think that having people that can feel for you and have an understanding of where you are coming from would help a lot. i'm not trying to compare people with other disabilities with this condition, i just didn't know how else to get my point out.

i guess i can understand that sometimes people act out of ignorance because they really don't get it and being around people like me sets them on edge, but some acts are just unforgivable..i remember during freshman year i was on fieldtrip with my english class. we were all standing in a circle and i was by myself and i remember her saying very loudly "wow, how does it feel to have absolutely no friends. must suck, hah? freak."

that to me, is plain ignorance. she represents the type of people that will just never understand and that to me hurts worst of all.

anyone else feel the same? i know i shouldn't worry about other people, but when it's everyone in my life it get's a little rough.

[strawberryjulius]

Wow, that girl was just awful. I'm sorry that people can be so rude.

I know how you feel. Even if I do tell someone about my SA I don't think they truly understand the extent of what I feel.

[AussiePea]

I think the fact no one really understands it contributes to it being such an issue for us in the first place. Perhaps I am just talking tripe here but if I knew people understood how I was feeling then my anxiety would be so much less severe (in my feared situations) and pushing myself into those situations as a means of therapy would be considerably easier.

So I agree with you that it does make things a lot more difficult without a doubt but I don't hold it against people for not understanding, I mean I imagine it would be difficult to get your head around the fact that someone is so uncomfortable in a situation that the majority of the population never even gives a second thought.

[Croquantes]

wow, now that I'm older, I have less qualms about standing up for myself. it's great, when I get angry my anxiety disappears and I say whatever I want to say.

You should've said something like, "I think I'm pretty lucky; just look at yourself. How does it feel to be an ugly cow?"

[Saekon]

Hahah, nice one.

Yeah, ignorance is a big factor; the stuff that hurts the most is when someone makes fun of you and they don't care about or understand why it's hurtful for you... They just see you as inconsequential or weak.

[bfree15]

Yeah it is so frustrating when people just don't understand, especially those closest to you. I remember going to my boss’s wedding anniversary party and when it come the time to leave, I had to try and go up to him and say that we were leaving (I brought my mum and little brother along for moral support) and I just couldn’t physically bring myself to do it. My mum was getting annoyed with my because she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go up to him so all in all she was just making things a lot worse. (We did eventually manage to leave, my Mum ending up doing it for me)

I agree with what you said if it was some other condition people are more understanding. The trouble is (in the UK anyway) that SA is not recognised or heard of. I myself only found out about it a few months ago and I believe I have suffered with it my whole life. I defiantly think there should be more recognition for SA, and then many more people will find it easier to come forward for help.

I am afraid to see a professional for help for fear that they will be ignorant to the disorder and then in turn make me feel stupid and be ridiculed for there ignorance.

[nevershoutnever]

The hardest part about social anxiety?
Not being able to acheive what I want to acheive, my dreams...and simple things like making some good friends.

[Stargirl09]

Yes, from my experience people don't seem to understand it or they grasp the principle of it for a while (or maybe they just appear to sympathise) but forget later on. Due to s.a I've often tried hard to imagine being someone else but ultimately it just takes me further away from the true sense of self identity which is probably the source of recovery & I can't imagine how it must be to deal with an s.a person if I was 'normal'.

I would like to think I'd be unfazed and help them as best I could but I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I was 100% s.a free. S.A is basically a big contradiction, on one hand you'd give anything to live a normal life, or the other-you can't and people just don't get whats stopping you.

Even we don't completely understand what is holding us back from all our dreams. I agree with earlier points that if it was common knowledge I would feel MUCH more comfortable in public situations.

It's easy to say that if someone insults you then you should say something back but I think s.a people are lovers not fighters. I feel for you that you had to hear that but we're all on your side. For me having no one to back me up is one of the hardest things, so many times I've heard 'well we can't all be wrong, it must be you'.

[Monroee]

For me, one part is that its completely misunderstood, and the second part, is that for normal people its not even recognized as a mental disorder.

I don't know how many times I've tried to explain to my father how life-destroying and tormenting my problem is, and then I end the conversation with pointing out that it is, indeed, a 'mental disorder'. But my parents always just give me a disbelieving look and then I feel they forget what I said an hour later. I think thats what bothers me the most. The fact that my suffering is not being recognized as what it is. Nothing hurts more than people close to you underestimating your pain. They think its 'shyness'. My father has no problem forcing me to go to parties and restaurants and socializing. Simple exposure has never helped me, only made things worse. Sometimes I wish SA was taken more seriously, like OCD or Bipolar.

[Cali M]

Originally Posted by Homersxchild

For me, one part is that its completely misunderstood, and the second part, is that for normal people its not even recognized as a mental disorder.

I don't know how many times I've tried to explain to my father how life-destroying and tormenting my problem is, and then I end the conversation with pointing out that it is, indeed, a 'mental disorder'. But my parents always just give me a disbelieving look and then I feel they forget what I said an hour later. I think thats what bothers me the most. The fact that my suffering is not being recognized as what it is. Nothing hurts more than people close to you underestimating your pain. They think its 'shyness'. My father has no problem forcing me to go to parties and restaurants and socializing. Simple exposure has never helped me, only made things worse. Sometimes I wish SA was taken more seriously, like OCD or Bipolar.

My friend told me that I was the one making it mental, and that I should stop making it mental. It IS very frustrating that people dont think its a mental disorder. Im glad there is someone else here I can relate to

[PickleNose]

Yes. That's pretty much the worst part of it. People who don't have a personal window on what it's like will simply never know. I'd venture as far as to say it's useless to try and make people understand. I've been trying my whole life and I've never succeeded once. This is one area where it's us and them. You either really get it or you really don't get it.

[Stargirl09]

Yeah, thats a big one-people think it's YOU who's doing it, it all stems from YOU. To a point thats correct but it's like why do bulimic people eat so much food and throw it all back up? They're doing it to themselves as well. In the future, like eating disorders, I hope people begin to recognise s.a for the monster it is.

[Resin]

I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I'm an alien. SA can make you feel so isolated..

Telling others who don't have or has never experienced major anxiety is difficult. You try to explain but then the 5 w's come out and it's like.. starting from square one again. I really don't know why I feel like that sometimes.. and they just can't get it.

[Moody99]

Normal outgoing people will never get it it's best to keep it to ourselfs and not tell anyone or if some of you already have...don't tell anyone else,just keep letting them think were shy/quiet weird mysterious...why even bother they won't understand!

[nemaiv]

Nothing bothers me more than how unknown/misunderstood SA is, even in medical settings.

My social worker (who was my therapist of sorts) actually warned me once that I might have trouble with reception at their clinic. Basically I have a phobia of phones, and that particular clinic requires patients to phone information to verify their insurance every few days. Somehow some receptionists can't wrap their minds around psychiatric patients needing some extra help. Receptionists in a clinic for the mentally and physically ill people.

It's no wonder so many people don't get treatment.

[izzy]

Originally Posted by nevershoutnever

The hardest part about social anxiety?
Not being able to acheive what I want to acheive, my dreams...and simple things like making some good friends.

Likewise

[izzy]

And that girl has friends? Pfft.

I know what you mean.
I feel people are like that with depression too. They say/think "Well, just stop being depressed" -- like it's that easy.

My mom told me that, a while back, an acquaintance that worked on the psychiatric part of a hospital got annoyed that people would come in the ER thinking they're having a heart attack when it's really a panic attack.

[masile]

People generally think that it's "human nature" to be social. Ignorant people will think we're not just weird, but abnormal.

I'm afraid of how I might disappoint myself and my family in the future, due to squandering opportunities. I'm really hoping that psychotherapy will help manage the symptoms.

[Pandi]

Originally Posted by angel5433

it makes it so frustrating. i almost feel like if you have another condition, like if you have a disability or some other health-related condition, people are more understanding.

not always! I have Sarcoidosis which no one has ever heard of, and even though it can lead to chronic health problems and even death, no one understands when I feel **** or aren't well.

There needs to be more awareness for Social Anxiety though. I still have problems with my immediate family not getting it. My dad constantly gives me a hard time about not going and doing things for myself, or going out to dinner with my family. He thinks I should just harden up and do the things I'm meant to do.

[strawberryjulius]

Originally Posted by Stargirl09

Yeah, thats a big one-people think it's YOU who's doing it, it all stems from YOU. To a point thats correct but it's like why do bulimic people eat so much food and throw it all back up? They're doing it to themselves as well. In the future, like eating disorders, I hope people begin to recognise s.a for the monster it is.

Yeah, people just don't understand eating disorders either. The standard response I receive is, "you're skinny, just eat." Yep, because that's really helping.