terrified to go back to college

[angel5433]

hey everyone. is anyone else going back to college/high school over the break and really nervous? i feel like this is my chance to fix the way i interact with people, to make it work this time but i'm absolutely terrified.

here in the comfort of my room i can sit here and say that i'll do things differently, that i'll fight my nerves and fear, but i know that once i get up there and sit down in all of my new classes, i know the sweating and the heart palpitations will start again. i just pray that we don't have to do any group "icebreakers"

i really hate this because my life is starting to feel like one giant held in breath..this sounds weird i know but it's like this: i couldn't wait to get out of high school to start over new, and i messed things up..i couldn't wait to get to college and start new, but yet my SA messed things up, and now i'm trying again for the second semester. i keep thinking one of these times something will magically change, that it will suddenly 'click' and work for me, but i'm starting to think that i'm always going to have to live in these false hopes that are inside my head.

anyone else feel the same?

thanks for reading this everyone!

[Stargirl09]

I agree, everytime I think about going back to college on the 4th Jan I feel sick. I haven't even done any of the homework we've been set cos I know we have to commit some time to our studies during these holidays but I resent having to deal with it, it's impinging on my time, the college doesn't like me and I don't like it.

My tutor said on the day we broke up that many of the students had been speaking up against me, my support tutor took her side and said 'yes, they are starting to ask us why you keep leaving the classroom' I can't believe that ***** won't even step up and say 'she has social anxiety', when I go back I'm gonna be firm and say what I expect from her, I'm gonna speak my mind if anyone says anything to me and I don't care if I embarass myself in the classroom, they are gonna deal with me or they can **** off.

[stars]

It's ok, atleast you have hope each time you "start fresh" so to speak. Just don't give up if you fail a few times.. think of it like this, where will these people be in 5 years ? somewhere far away from you, and you won't know them anymore either. They will just be people you went to college with. So it really doesn't matter what you do/say. Look at them like an experiment, someone to practiced your social skills off. It helps me.

[kos]

i have dropped out once and failed school once due to social anxiety. Im going back this winter and I can't afford to mess up because of my financial situation. I feel like im a burden to my parents.

I could have wrote that last paragraph myself.

[Doc Rice]

Originally Posted by kos

i have dropped out once and failed school once due to social anxiety. Im going back this winter and I can afford to mess up because of my financial situation. I feel like im a burden to my parents.

I could have wrote that last paragraph myself.

It's good to know I am not alone in this either. I am going back in the spring, and I'm really scared. At least now I am aware of SA, so hopefully things will be different. Unfortunately, my parents aren't the richest, so I can't keep taking out loans unless I know I am going to do well and succeed in school. I'm scared as hell. What happens if I drop out again? **** my life.

[Monroee]

Yes, I'm terrified. I've been home ever since June when I graduated HS. I missed signing up for the fall semester of college, so that just resulted in more time for my SA to get worse. Now, I'm going for the first time Jan 20th and I'm freaking terrified. There are so many senseless worries going through my head. What if I can't find the right building; what if I go in the class too late or too early; what if I end up going in the wrong class all together; what if we have to introduction exercises (the worst thing ever created on the face of the planet for SA-sufferers) etc etc.

We have to try to be strong though and think positive, despite all our irrational worries. Just try to be calm, and just go without thinking about anything. That's the only problem. We think too much. Damn our oversensitive brains!

[rcapo89]

ah the dreaded "icebreakers"... I'm hoping I can avoid this during the next semester.

[angel5433]

thanks for the responses everyone, it's nice to hear that i'm not alone.

i wish you all the best of luck and i hope that 2010 can bring all of us change.

[Doc Rice]

Originally Posted by Homersxchild

There are so many senseless worries going through my head. What if I can't find the right building; what if I go in the class too late or too early; what if I end up going in the wrong class all together; what if we have to introduction exercises (the worst thing ever created on the face of the planet for SA-sufferers) etc etc.

Those are all legitimate concerns. (I hope that doesn't worry you more). When I went during the fall quarter (before I dropped out), our whole residence hall had to introduce ourselves (in a big circle). It sucked.

And I did go to the wrong building for a Survey class. They said it was in this one hall, and I went there, only to find the ROTC. They must have changed the building, but I didn't get an email or anything.

That's what I am scared of most, reliving that experience .

[Monroee]

^ Oh god, my senseless worries are actually legitimate.

But, but... I know 'normal' people don't worry about it as much as me. So, if you don't mind, I'm still holding onto the fact that its 'senseless' and I need to convince myself of the irrationality.

[Doc Rice]

Originally Posted by Homersxchild

^ Oh god, my senseless worries are actually legitimate.

But, but... I know 'normal' people don't worry about it as much as me. So, if you don't mind, I'm still holding onto the fact that its 'senseless' and I need to convince myself of the irrationality.

Hmm, you're thinking about it from a rational person's perspective? Well I'm not rational so, I guess you might be right. It may be senseless.

[NiTro]

The best way to avoid this is going out and having fun with people if possible. Once you start the habit if doing this you will start to realize how boring it is to sit at home alone . Good luck, if you feel to nervous just try to focus more academically then socially.

[Monroee]

Originally Posted by Doc Rice

Hmm, you're thinking about it from a rational person's perspective? Well I'm not rational so, I guess you might be right. It may be senseless.

Haha, yes, I shouldn't be taking any worries of an SA-sufferer as legitimate. Because we all know that we are truly irrational. At least thats what the therapists say.

I mean seriously... I know that 'normal' people feel uncomfortable during things like introduction exercises, but I just feel as though they don't worry about it 5 months before it happens, and then actually be tempted to not go to school altogether just to avoid the introduction. (Which I've thought about, but how lame would that be? I can't let myself do that.)

[shyvr6]

Yeah, I'm a tad nervous.

[DitzyDreamer]

Oh yeah! I've got major anxiety about this quarter, mainly because I'm taking 20 credit hours and I'm joining the school newspaper. Oh, and that Philosophy 150 course is going to kick my ***!

[DitzyDreamer]

Originally Posted by rcapo89

ah the dreaded "icebreakers"... I'm hoping I can avoid this during the next semester.

Oh God! You too?

If I have to do another ice breaker again, I swear...

[Andrew1980]

I think many people here go through various stages in coming to terms with their problems. At some stage I think you have to realise that it is a serious problem that isn't just about 'life' or 'overcoming your fears' like normal people might do. It is more like a medical condition and you need to maybe consider the various medical approaches to overcoming this condition, which include therapy and medication. Exposure therapy is not really about just going out and doing social things, as that doesn't really work.

Anyway, I went back to uni last year and didn't have much problem from a social perspective, but I am probably older than you and my SA has gone down considerably over the years (only to be replaced by severe OCD unfortunately). Although I have just started taking Luvox for the OCD and it appears to be working fairly well actually. So I am quite excited and confident about next year and really sick of the holidays already.

[letitrock]

I'm going through the same thing right now.

[BatDance20745]

I feel your pain. What got me through college was how well I did on my actual work. Socially, I was a misfit in my classes. All of the other students were talking about their lives, and I'd just sit there reading my textbook. But it all worked out because I wasn't there to impress them. I'd only be in class with them for a few months, and then probably would never see them again.

My inability to speak hurt my grade on only one course (a B instead of an A), but I can live with that. I wasn't there to be friends with everyone. I wanted to get in and get out.

About your HOPES, I used to do that: Hope I make friends and hope I speak more clearly. Didn't work. I finally settled on the fact that it will happen when it happens. As for those group icebreakers (I HATE those things!), just keep it short and sweet: your name and why you're in the class. Don't try to equal the length of everyone else's talk.