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Old 05-10-2008, 11:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I don't even know if this is related to Social Anxiety... but, if I think I say something stupid, or I make a mistake, or anything like that... it drives me insane.

Things I said that were foolish YEARS ago, when I was a freshman in high school, in 8th grade, in 7th grade--sometimes they still keep me up at night. I was fired from a job for a reason that was related to my anxiety (didn't know it at the time), and I've counted the days since then. It's been 2 years, 6 months and 20 days. That's 933 days that I've kept track of. Isn't that pathetic? Why does it continue to eat away at me?
In January I said something stupid during a class, and I was afraid to go back every week because I just KNEW that everyone would remember.

Is this just me? Does it ever get better? From what I can tell, outlook not so good...
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Old 05-10-2008, 12:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Its deffinetly anxiety, It may be a little of O.C.D. I'm not too much help rite now, But when i walk in to a room of people, I think there all judging me Instantly, and if i **** up, i just want to cry and leave and never see these pl again.
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Old 05-10-2008, 11:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I'm still like that sometimes. I'll remember something stupid I said or did and actually yell out **** or something else.

I've found that being occupied in the moment helps...hope that wasn't too obvious for you
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Old 05-11-2008, 01:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I don't count the days or anything but I definitly remember more wrong things I've done in the past than good. It just seems that is what my focus is on. Mainly concerned with past failures, sometimes I have to remind myself the things I've done to be where I am, which always has it's strong points as well. School sucked *** and I hardly had anyfriend mainly because of my additude towards life but I managed to salvage my days and pass. Work was terrifying in itself at first but I managed to go and now it's not so bad and I'm making a living. I have my own apartment, even though I'm living by myself. I have a friend of many years, even though he ain't perfect. I'm breathing air today even though I told myself I wouldn't want to last night. You see, success in small increments. The bad almost always lingers more heavily in my mind.
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Old 05-13-2008, 08:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I do the same thing... I still feel somewhat guilty over mistakes I made when I was aged seven and eleven.
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Old 05-13-2008, 12:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by revkg55
I don't even know if this is related to Social Anxiety... but, if I think I say something stupid, or I make a mistake, or anything like that... it drives me insane.

Things I said that were foolish YEARS ago, when I was a freshman in high school, in 8th grade, in 7th grade--sometimes they still keep me up at night. I was fired from a job for a reason that was related to my anxiety (didn't know it at the time), and I've counted the days since then. It's been 2 years, 6 months and 20 days. That's 933 days that I've kept track of. Isn't that pathetic? Why does it continue to eat away at me?
In January I said something stupid during a class, and I was afraid to go back every week because I just KNEW that everyone would remember.

Is this just me? Does it ever get better? From what I can tell, outlook not so good...
That's tough. I have a similar issue but not quite as hard as yours. I frequently remember my past experiences (even from months, years back) and it interferes with my work and also upsets me. I would like to zap that part of my brain, which holds these memories. Infact, I have read about a drug, which I am sure is well know to SAers here. It is propranolol and it is used for post traumatic stress disorder. Research has shown that taking this drug immediately AFTER a traumatic experience impairs the encoding of that experience in your brain such that you will not have recollections and the associated emotional arousals in the future. This obviously does not work for past experiences but can be helpful in dulling the memory of unwanted experiences in the future. As SAers it is easy to get propranolol prescribed. It is one of the safer SA meds, although it is not quite as effective as benzos. or maybe SSRIs for anxiety. Something you can consider?
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Old 05-16-2008, 02:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I always remember stupid things I've said from years ago. I always obsessively analyze things I've said to people, even if years upon years have passed since then. I still feel that stomach sickness feeling, like I'm still embarressed by it.
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Old 05-16-2008, 08:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Yeah, I tend to ramble, when talking face to face or even when talking to someone on an internet social site, and it is so frustrating because I will think back and feel like I offended or annoyed. I obsess over every detail of something I said, sometimes I laugh at myself out of embarrassment, and sometimes I get extremely angry with myself and just loathe everything about me. I know it is irrational to obsess like this, but I can't help it even though I try. It just upsets me so much that I cannot get rid of these thoughts!
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Old 05-16-2008, 09:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

I'm always haunted by mistakes I made in the past and stupid things that I did or said. I'll dream about them too! I don't obsess as much as I used to, but it still bothers me. It's always worse right after the fact, and it will get better as the days go by.

If I do embarrass myself in front of someone (which is often), I'll hope that I never see that person again. If I'm in an environment where I have no choice but to see that person again, then I'll try to make up for the embarrassment by trying to act cool. It's impossible for me to act cool, so I guess it comes off as phony, which just causes further embarrassment! People seem to laugh in my face about it, but maybe I'm being paranoid. Come to think of it, I guess I'm in a constant state of embarrassment and shame!
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

You've not let it go. You need to learn to let go.

Maybe you never processed it properly and so repressed it.

Whatever happened, it's still a causing you pain, therefore, accept and forgive yourself. How?

In your heart, tell yourself a thousand times and do this everyday, that whatever happened, whatever was said, is no more, it has gone.

Doing that with meditation is useful. But logically you know it has gone, so you can either repeat yourself as above or cut down how much time you give your thoughts to this obssession. Then ween yourself out of this bad habit.

Your thoughts are torturing you. You should keep a worry journal or worry diary or something like that aswell, that helps.

Good luck

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1. Anxiety is an ALARM SYSTEM that believes a threat is imminent.
2. Our body & mind freak out, a strong sense of self needs protection.
3. 'What others think' - is a key concept in our mind which can be deconstructed so that it doesn't seem so threatening to our self, hence we need less protection, hence less anxiety alarm.
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:29 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aron James
You've not let it go. You need to learn to let go.

Maybe you never processed it properly and so repressed it.

Whatever happened, it's still a causing you pain, therefore, accept and forgive yourself. How?

In your heart, tell yourself a thousand times and do this everyday, that whatever happened, whatever was said, is no more, it has gone.
I have made up a little quote for myself to repeat even though it does not always work because this is an obsession problem that is hard to deal with. But I have started saying to myself, "I am learning to live in the present and understand that I cannot change what has already passed." I probably don't say this to myself enough. But it's difficult when something that you said in the past still affects your present. But there's gotta be a way to change this kind of thing. I just don't know how at the moment.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aron James
Doing that with meditation is useful. But logically you know it has gone, so you can either repeat yourself as above or cut down how much time you give your thoughts to this obssession. Then ween yourself out of this bad habit.
This is going to take a whole lotta hard work for me...But hopefully I can do it. I'm going to need a whole lot of strength and determination, but I don't know if adopting only these two qualities will help me to get rid of these thoughts. I think that my problem is that I care too much about what people think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aron James
Your thoughts are torturing you. You should keep a worry journal or worry diary or something like that aswell, that helps.
It is pure torture to obsess over such things. I don't consider myself an obsessive person by any means. I am pretty much laid back, but obsessing over things I have said is a huge problem that I need to overcome very soon. I do keep a journal and when I start obsessing I write down all my thoughts so I can see them on paper. I find that this helps at least a little.
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Yeah, cool.

For me it's all about thought management. The content of our thoughts aren't really the problem. It's how we manage our thoughts. What we do with them. We continue to pay attention to some whilst we discard others. Some are important and we feel strong emotions and others invoke less powerful feelings.

In general, i'm pretty poor at problem solving so my thoughts are mumbo jumbo. It only takes a good hard look at whether i believe much of the things i am thinking about to actually realise that it's actually nonsense.

Our mind is a powerful tool. A tool. Yet we use it to torture ourself, bizzarre indeed! I for one am choosing to rectify this madness.

Aron
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1. Anxiety is an ALARM SYSTEM that believes a threat is imminent.
2. Our body & mind freak out, a strong sense of self needs protection.
3. 'What others think' - is a key concept in our mind which can be deconstructed so that it doesn't seem so threatening to our self, hence we need less protection, hence less anxiety alarm.
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aron James

Our mind is a powerful tool. A tool. Yet we use it to torture ourself, bizzarre indeed!
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aron James
Our mind is a powerful tool. A tool. Yet we use it to torture ourself, bizzarre indeed! I for one am choosing to rectify this madness.
Aron
Yeah, got that right.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
But I have started saying to myself, "I am learning to live in the present and understand that I cannot change what has already passed." I probably don't say this to myself enough. But it's difficult when something that you said in the past still affects your present. But there's gotta be a way to change this kind of thing. I just don't know how at the moment.
I do this too, and I know that I can't change the past, but I made a stupid little mistake today, that might affect me for a while - it was in writing, and I couldn't edit it out.

I managed to stop obsessing for about ten minutes, after taking a shower, but now it's hitting me again. Stupid, stupid. I know that more confident people would just point out that they made a mistake (as did I), and be able to shrug it off, but I can't seem to do that and have it stick.

*edit. I also keep reminding myself that I'm not giving other people enough credit when it comes to their allowing me a mistake or three, the way I would if they said or did the same thing. It's like being worried about getting into a relationship with someone, concerned that I might be too much for them with my anxiety/depression issues - I'm not allowing them to decide how much is too much for them.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Stupid little things, eating away at you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopena
I know that more confident people would just point out that they made a mistake (as did I), and be able to shrug it off, but I can't seem to do that and have it stick.

*edit. I also keep reminding myself that I'm not giving other people enough credit when it comes to their allowing me a mistake or three, the way I would if they said or did the same thing.
Yeah, I feel like I'm trying to be too perfect or at least to be seen as perfect. I wish I were confident enough to be okay with my mistakes and just fix them without stressing about the actual mistake and how it will be perceived by others. And I can relate to not giving other people enough credit for how they take my mistakes. I want to learn how to give other people this credit and not hold so much of the burden on myself.
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