Social Anxiety Support

littlesongbird · 01-06-2009, 12:39 AM

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victoriangirl · 01-06-2009, 01:13 AM

I'm sorry about what you are going through, but there is no reason whatsoever why you should feel guilty. It's time for you to live your own life. It is hard for all mothers to see their daughters grow up to be women, especially if your mother is suffering from depression & anxiety.

Why not sit down with her, take her out to a nice meal/movies/walk and talk to her about how you feel and tell her that you love her & your family and that you care for them. Spending time together, talking about how you feel and trying to make her explain how she feels might help.

Good luck & stay strong!

mind_games · 01-06-2009, 02:57 AM

You are not doing anything wrong and should not be feeling guilty. You deserve a life of your own - you deserve happiness. Your are definitely old enough to be making your own decisions. Your mother at the end of the day is being selfish and clingy and she's trying to make you feel guilty by accusing you of being immoral and hating the family. It also maybe that she just doesn't understand you. She's also possibly afraid of letting you go too, but thats no excuse.

I guess the best you can do is have a serious chat with her as victoriangirl suggested and explain the reasoning behind your actions. Maybe explain how unhappy you have been before you met this guy and how much happier you are now and how it has nothing to do with any hatred or anything towards your family.

I hope things works out for you, but don't get your hopes up. Some people are just impossible. I don't personally think she will cut you off, but I can't read her mind. Is she upset with your boyfriend for any particular reason other than you spending less time with your family because of him? Is he from a different religion or something?

My situation is kinda the same (minus a girl and happiness, just clingy parents, yay

). So congrats on finding a partner that makes you happy

.

shychick2 · 01-06-2009, 11:33 AM

My Mum is still controlling at 27, although I moved out at 18 to go to university. She suffers from anxiety and depression and really it (in your case too) is her insecurities talking. I've never admitted to birth control etc. and don't think you necessarily need to discuss it with your Mum. Mine is Christian and there are some issues there, although I have lived with my boyfriend for 7-8 years (not easy with my depression/anxiety!)

I am going over a lot of it in therapy. It is awkward as you can't choose your Mum and obviously I love mine and have to keep seeing her, but it can be so difficult to get on.

its_Rob · 01-06-2009, 01:03 PM

Sorry to hear about your mom being clingy and controlling. You need to sit down and talk to her about it and you need to explain that you're an adult and that you can make your own decisions. My parents are the same way, the don't want me to drive, they don't want me to join the Army, and they are constantly trying to push college on me. The best way to get them to leave you alone is to severely piss them off. I had to see a psychologist who was studying my mom and my step dad so he could decide who gets custody of my little sister so I told the psychologist that I thought my mom was a lousy parent. Now she barely talks to me. If she didn't want to be called a lousy parent she should not have been a lousy parent.

01-06-2009, 12:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
littlesongbird Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 140	--- ---

01-06-2009, 02:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
mind_games Status: is undagoin a s/w uprade Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: New Zealand Age: 23 Posts: 757	You are not doing anything wrong and should not be feeling guilty. You deserve a life of your own - you deserve happiness. Your are definitely old enough to be making your own decisions. Your mother at the end of the day is being selfish and clingy and she's trying to make you feel guilty by accusing you of being immoral and hating the family. It also maybe that she just doesn't understand you. She's also possibly afraid of letting you go too, but thats no excuse. I guess the best you can do is have a serious chat with her as victoriangirl suggested and explain the reasoning behind your actions. Maybe explain how unhappy you have been before you met this guy and how much happier you are now and how it has nothing to do with any hatred or anything towards your family. I hope things works out for you, but don't get your hopes up. Some people are just impossible. I don't personally think she will cut you off, but I can't read her mind. Is she upset with your boyfriend for any particular reason other than you spending less time with your family because of him? Is he from a different religion or something? My situation is kinda the same (minus a girl and happiness, just clingy parents, yay ). So congrats on finding a partner that makes you happy . __________________ >Power Of Silent Conversation: http://www.purposepowercoaching.com/site/?p=168 >Shyness & Social Anxiety - A Self Help Guide: http://www.scribd.com/doc/7199393/Sh...elf-Help-Guide >http://www.succeedsocially.com

01-06-2009, 01:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
victoriangirl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 56	I'm sorry about what you are going through, but there is no reason whatsoever why you should feel guilty. It's time for you to live your own life. It is hard for all mothers to see their daughters grow up to be women, especially if your mother is suffering from depression & anxiety. Why not sit down with her, take her out to a nice meal/movies/walk and talk to her about how you feel and tell her that you love her & your family and that you care for them. Spending time together, talking about how you feel and trying to make her explain how she feels might help. Good luck & stay strong!

01-06-2009, 11:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
shychick2 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: UK Age: 28 Posts: 155	My Mum is still controlling at 27, although I moved out at 18 to go to university. She suffers from anxiety and depression and really it (in your case too) is her insecurities talking. I've never admitted to birth control etc. and don't think you necessarily need to discuss it with your Mum. Mine is Christian and there are some issues there, although I have lived with my boyfriend for 7-8 years (not easy with my depression/anxiety!) I am going over a lot of it in therapy. It is awkward as you can't choose your Mum and obviously I love mine and have to keep seeing her, but it can be so difficult to get on.

01-06-2009, 01:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
its_Rob Status: joined the Army Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Pittsburgh :( Age: 18 Posts: 320	Sorry to hear about your mom being clingy and controlling. You need to sit down and talk to her about it and you need to explain that you're an adult and that you can make your own decisions. My parents are the same way, the don't want me to drive, they don't want me to join the Army, and they are constantly trying to push college on me. The best way to get them to leave you alone is to severely piss them off. I had to see a psychologist who was studying my mom and my step dad so he could decide who gets custody of my little sister so I told the psychologist that I thought my mom was a lousy parent. Now she barely talks to me. If she didn't want to be called a lousy parent she should not have been a lousy parent.