Some reasons why people cannot express feelings - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 02:38 AM Thread Starter
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Some reasons why people cannot express feelings

1. Conflict phobia
You are afraid of conflict with people. You might think people in good relationships should not argue. You might think if you tell people how you are really feeling if you are upset or angry they will be hurt.
2. Emotional perfectionism
You think you shouldn't have negative feelings like anger, jealousy, anxiety act. You think you should always be rational and in control of your feelings. You feel other people will see you as weak if they find out how you are feeling.
3. Fear of rejction and disapproval
You are so terrified of rejection or being disapproved of that you'd rather keep your feelings bottled up rather than making someone mad at you. You might feel a need to please other people and meet everyone's expectations. You think people will not like you if you express your own feelings and ideas and thoughts.
4. Passive-Agressiveness
You pout and hold your hurt and angry feelings inside instead of sharing them honestly. You give people the slient treatment and might try to make them feel guilty.
5. Hopelessness
You are convinced that nothing can improve because you've tried everything and nothing works. You believe the other person is too stubborn or a certain way so you give up.
6. Low self esteem
You believe you are not entitled to express your feelings or ask others for what you want. You think you must please other people and meet their needs and expectations.
7. Mind reading
You believe people should know how you feel and what you want without you having told them. You then feel like other people are insensitive and don't care and so you become resentful over it.
8. Martyrdom
You are afraid to admit you are angry or hurt because you don't want to give the other person the satisfaction of knowing they have hurt or upset you. To let others know that you are upset or hurt casues a huge loss of pride and so you prefer to suffer in silence.
9. Problem solving
When you are in conflict with someone you try to solve the problem instead of sharing your feelings openly and listening to how the other person is feeling.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 07:31 AM
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 07:44 AM
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I'm a lot of #2.
I try to act happy all the time, like nothing phazes me...
I feel like that's what people see me as now, I've built up this image of this ~*happy*~, bubbly person with no problems. If I feel angry, sad or anxious I tell myself I'm just being dramatic.
I feel like nobody wants to be around a sad sack and I don't want to be a burden to anybody and yeah, I don't want to look weak so I play the happy person role.

This picture sums it up.

Left SAS October 4th 2011.
It's time to try and live my life to it's fullest and live by the quote "Feel the fear and do it anyway"
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 11:18 AM
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I already know that expressing my feelings is something hard for me to do anyway..but thanks for posting this.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 12:24 PM
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 01:13 PM
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I know I should be choosing numbers from that list and whatnot, but being different really feels nice... So:

I simply believe feelings shouldn't be openly expressed (openly = publicly), not positive nor negative, they (feelings) are many times a weakness. I do believe that any open (again, by open I mean public) expression of feelings will prompt people to jump at the opportunity and try to exploit said weakness.
Expressing feelings to close people (good friends, loved ones, etc.) is OK, you might someday regret it because they were not as worthy of trust as you thought but hopefully you'll at least learn something about human nature from such experience.
Mind you, I'm not saying it's wrong/bad/negative to have feelings, I surely have them, everyone does, they are a part (good or bad) of us, humans. But they are YOUR feelings, you are the one who needs to "take care of them", no one else will, nor should you expect them to as they also have their own feelings to take care of. (this last commentary mostly applies to people who think offloading their feelings to someone else will solve everything)

So, I guess my idea goes along the lines of: People suck, you wouldn't share something as personal as feelings with them, right?
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 01:20 PM
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The whole list... :l
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 02:31 PM
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1, 3, 6 are me. 3 most of all.

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 02:43 PM
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3, 5, and 6 tend to be me but I've been working on them lately so we'll see what happens.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 02:54 PM
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I'm mostly 3 I guess. Most of them are n/a for me because I tend to avoid situations that evoke feelings...
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 02:59 PM
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I'm probably all of these at least in some capacity
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by 266x View Post
The whole list... :l

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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 03:11 PM
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 07:03 PM
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haha, yeah, I'm all of these, too.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 07:13 PM
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-15-2011, 07:16 PM
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1, 5

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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 11-21-2013, 09:44 PM
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Bingo I got all of these from the list :/ and I'm living like some kinda piece of junk. I should've live a better life but how.
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