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Social Anxiety vs Shyness

4K views 13 replies 11 participants last post by  Pinzelhead 
#1 ·
Is there anyone else that can relate to this: the experience of social anxiety without feeling or being shy?

The reason I ask this is because I am just like this, it seems. I experience social anxiety day-by-day, but I can often talk just as normal as everyone else. I still may feel the anxiety, but I can express myself in a "normal" way.

I know for a fact that social anxiety and shyness have some correlation, but has it been proven that if you experience social anxiety you will experience shyness as well?
 
#2 ·
If I have something to say I will say it. No one says rude things to me or even tells me "what I should do". BUT I hate social situations I would rather be doing my little hobbies or reading , watching TV etcetc. If I have to go into a social situation I absolutely dread it. I don't really fell shy maybe I am just antisocial.
 
#3 ·
Yeah, i think i'm kind of the same way. i can have normal conversations with people. i can keep a conversation going and keep people interested. when i think about starting a convo with someone i dont know i actually know exactly what to say. once i'm "warmed up" with someone you can't get me to shut up sometimes. its just my anxiety and major fear of rejection holds me back from saying things on my mind, expressing myself, building relationships with people, and just being myself in general. i dont know why i am like this and its something i really want to get over. if i could get over it i could finally be myself for once. it really sucks having something as terrible as social anxiety control every aspect of your life.
 
#4 ·
Thanks for your replies. It's nice to know I'm not the only one like this.

Me and you relate very much, Alex. Myself, I usually never talk unless I'm spoken to and I'm not shy nor do I act shy. Starting conversations is when SA really affects me. I'm a more direct person too; someone talks to me--I talk back. The only time I usually talk out loud is when I ask or answer a question. Someone gets a good conversation started, I can go on and on (sometimes). Thinking of what to say in social situations (starting conversations, that is) is very hard for me as well. It seems that people think I'm crazy because I never talk and I talk in a somewhat "normal" tone when people talk to me (sometimes). The thing is, I'm not crazy, I just have social anxiety.

If anyone else relates to this, please share your story!
 
#5 ·
The descriptions from Alex and Cory are not far from what I experience as well. I don't have severe social anxiety in most instances, but I have enough (I tend to test into the marked social anxiety category in the Liebowitz Scale) that I will tend to choose silence unless spoken to.

I am much better when it comes to how I interact with others in regards to eye contact, listening, and being aware of social interaction as it happens, but I still feel anxiety as well. It is tolerable in that it does not prevent me from going to work or asking a question, but I still must experience the anxious feelings in going through with what needs to be done socially.

I can actually be quite entertaining, but there is a barrier that I always need to leap over in order to open up more quickly with strangers. This is what I'm focusing on... the behavior. The anxiety might still be there initially, but if I can more swiftly get past that initial mistrust period, then I can be comfortable faster.
 
#6 ·
ardrum said:
The descriptions from Alex and Cory are not far from what I experience as well. I don't have severe social anxiety in most instances, but I have enough (I tend to test into the marked social anxiety category in the Liebowitz Scale) that I will tend to choose silence unless spoken to.

I am much better when it comes to how I interact with others in regards to eye contact, listening, and being aware of social interaction as it happens, but I still feel anxiety as well. It is tolerable in that it does not prevent me from going to work or asking a question, but I still must experience the anxious feelings in going through with what needs to be done socially.

I can actually be quite entertaining, but there is a barrier that I always need to leap over in order to open up more quickly with strangers. This is what I'm focusing on... the behavior. The anxiety might still be there initially, but if I can more swiftly get past that initial mistrust period, then I can be comfortable faster.
yeah, ive actually made progress over my SA in the past year or so. i'm much better at making eye contact with people. since i started working out and improving my physical appearance and having people comment on it, i've been a little less self conscious of myself when i go out in public. i can function now like a normal human being - go to the grocery store, bank, classes, etc. but i still can't get past that "barrier" like you mentioned when it comes to meeting people. i still have this weird, unrealistic perception that nobody on this earth would want to talk to me if i were to strike up a conversation with them.

i think self esteem/confidence and how you perceive yourself around others has alot to do with social anxiety. i noticed when my self esteem improved, i was quite a bit more confident with myself. i used to be afraid of going to the grocery store or the bank, or even getting out of the house, but now that ive done it so many times i feel little/no anxiety. i used to be scared to death of girls but after making friends with one over the summer i no longer have extreme anxiety around them. i really think self esteem is key to getting over this...
 
#7 ·
Yeah, I have extremely low anxiety now when it comes to going to the grocery store. I can just go, get what I want, and leave without being too bothered by what people might think of me. In the past, I'd avoid certain aisles or products when other people were around due to feeling self-conscious. There were times when I'd have to shave just to do a little errand! Now I just get what I want, regardless of my surroundings. It doesn't really take any effort any more in this setting.

Employees have been very friendly to me as well, and I can reciprocate pretty well. Just recently, I bought a 4-pack of a high-quality beer, and the girl at the checkout smiled at it and said, "Have one for me!" It caught me off-guard and I actually laughed genuinely and said I would. Not everyone is out there to demean or embarrass us.

If I can make it to only having this same level of anxiety in all settings, I'd be set. I'm not particularly afraid of girls in and of themselves (I even have multiple female friends), but I would be absolutely petrified if I was to ever try to be more than friends with a girl! That is an area that doesn't so much bother me though since I'm not interested in being in a relationship. If this desire were to return though, it would unearth my most difficult to deal with social anxiety that could be honestly categorized in the "very severe" category. Otherwise though, I've been improving by even reaching to the "mild" and "very mild" categories in some areas! It's all a very fluid thing (progress), so I never expect constant improvement (I can fall "back" sometimes as well... it's not static).

May I ask how you became friends with the girl, Alex? OK. I'm asking. How did you become friends with the girl? :lol
 
#8 ·
I definitely think that the two are related. I am a quiet person, always have been, always will be. When I was very young, this bothered me ONLY because so many people constantly harped on it. "Boy, you sure are quiet". "You never talk". As I grew older, I liked the fact that I am quiet/shy. I would much rather be a person who listens and who doesn't talk all of the time. When people say something about my being quiet, I always say, "When I have something to say, I will say it". That shuts 'em up right away.
As for the social anxiety, oh hell yeah, do I have it. I hate large crowds, especially in enclosed spaces, avoid the grocery store like the plague, and some people do say that I am anti-social. Thats their opinion. I do avoid social situations as much as possible, because I don't see any reason to be in a situation where I will be uncomfortable.
 
#10 ·
Cory said:
Is there anyone else that can relate to this: the experience of social anxiety without feeling or being shy?

...

I know for a fact that social anxiety and shyness have some correlation, but has it been proven that if you experience social anxiety you will experience shyness as well?
1. YES. I'm not shy. I'm really not. I don't know if it's narcissism (i.e. "true" narcissism: I think i'm so crap I make believe to myself that i'm really not) or what... lame explanation attempt, but I can't think of anything else. I don't fit the definitions of NPD at all (and i've rather extensively attempted to percieve myself to) but the contradiction of my self-esteem and SA disorder are... well, I feel like a lot of a total freak for Not Fitting In The Box With The Others. If you catch what I mean. It's not mild SA. It's definitly SA. I don't know if this deviation from the apparent norm is at least part of what's extending my problem.

2. I don't know... actually... that's rather interesting to ponder. I might look it up right now! I'll be back if there was anything interesting on the interweb.
 
#12 ·
After seeing my doctor I've come to realize(based on what he says) that I'm not shy at all. I like being social, and crave social interactions, but the way I feel in public prevents me from engaging other people. Now that I'm on medication I talk to my classmates all the time. I like answering questions in class and helping others if I finish before them. This is the first time since I was a little kid that I've been able to do this. I still feel alittle apprehensive about public speaking but on medication its much easier to collect my thoughts and calm myself.
 
#13 ·
Google is your friend(sometimes):
Social Anxiety vs. Shyness

Shy people do not experience the same intense anxiety as people with social anxiety disorder. In addition, shy people don't avoid social situations to the extreme that people with social anxiety disorder do.

Shyness is not a criteria for social anxiety disorder. People with social anxiety disorder may be quite comfortable with certain people or many people, but still avoid or feel intense anxiety in specific social situations. In addition, social anxiety disorder may come to be debilitating for some people whereas shyness does not. Social anxiety disorder may begin to overtake every aspect of a person's life.
 
#14 ·
I think shyness and social anxiety are infact the same thing. I think a lot of the confusion stems from the fact that most people are only familar with the sterotypical traits of shyness: quietness, timidness unassertiveness, and socially withdrawing behaviour. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't shyness a result of SOCIAL fears and anxieties. Whether that be rejection, criticism, disapproval, humiliation or anything social related. Any type of anxiety during social situations would = social anxiety (not necessarily the disorder). Anxiety which creates problems in social or occupational functioning is only now classed by psychiatrists as social anxiety DISORDER rather than shyness (or just social anxiety). Like the admin says: there are many different forms and degrees of social anxiety (not necessarily the disorder) and for many different situations. I couldn't agreee more. A person may experience anxiety (shyness) while delivering a speech in a board room. That person delivers an effective performance but their heart is pounding. If they were unable to do it and avoided it (and all boardroom speeches) because of extreme anxiety they could be given a diagnosis of social anxiety DISORDER because it is interfering with their avoidance behaviour is disrupting their occupational functioning. Anxiety levels vary enormously with each different person for each different situation. A person can talk and talk and assert themselves but still they experience anxiety. The anxiety over "speaking their mind" is not enough to stop them from doing it like a person with sterotypical shyness traits. I think many people see shyness as a negative aspect of personality (because they have been told by others). Social anxiety may therefore be a way of sugar-coating the anxiety-related symptoms of being shy, whereas social anxiety disorder is the term for shyness which screws up a person's functioning in their social or occupational life.
 
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